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Reviewer: Shadowflame Signed [Report This]
Date: 05 Aug 2013 9:49:51 AM Title: Part 12B

LOL, that talk about Star Wars was hilarious! Loved it! :)

I'm - of course *g* - so glad that they made up...

Still strange that Heather will not be with them in Black Jack, but for the benefit of your wonderful story... and it makes - of course - sense... ;)

"I love you," he murmured a beat later. "And you," he added, his hands splayed across Heather's abdomen and the swell of their baby nestled within her. Jake kissed her then, his hands coming up to cup her face. The kiss started off slowly, lazily, but then grew more urgent. Jake dropped his hands, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Their kiss deepened as they both poured all of their love, all of their affection, all of their trust, and also, all of their fear into one another.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... *sniffs silently, brushing a tear away*

:)

Reviewer: Obsidianagirl Signed [Report This]
Date: 01 Nov 2008 3:50:44 PM Title: Part 12B

Okay been reading this without the desire to stop since I discovered it and I just want to say that I love the way you have woven the past and present into such a compelling alternate universe.

The story is well thought out and excellently written. I wasn't sure how I would like the story without the original charcter connections, but I really have fallen in love with this 'verse of Greens.

Thank you for sharing.

Sid




Author's Response:

Thanks so much Sid!  I'm glad that you can accept my changes to canon and hope that you can see them as supplemental to the show rather than clashing.  It's gratifying to hear that you love my little universe. :-)

Reviewer: Doozie810 Signed [Report This]
Date: 08 Sep 2008 12:27:04 AM Title: Part 12B

Another great one. Good work!



Author's Response:

Thanks, Doozie!

Reviewer: Joise Signed [Report This]
Date: 07 Sep 2008 11:47:29 PM Title: Part 12B

I loved the name Heather gave Jake's car...it suits him. I cracked up so hard after reading Johnston say "It's just a shopping trip, sweetie." and yeah, I'm still laughing. You know I adore this story!



Author's Response:

Thanks, Joise!  Couldn't help myself, as soon as the car's name occurred to me there was no other possibility.  I've kept it secret for months, and I'm glad to finally get it out. :-D

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed [Report This]
Date: 07 Sep 2008 7:38:12 PM Title: Part 12B

Another great installment!  As usual all the little details you provide really make the story come alive. A few of my favorite details was the sopping wet DEA cap, Jake walking around with one shoe, and the details about the report card.  I really like how you are able to convey how your characters feel through their actions.

I'm so glad that Heather decided against insisting on going to Black Jack. I really like the reference to Joe when Johnston said he wasn't looking forward to yelling at her twice, once for himself and once for her father. It makes me wonder what happened to the rest of Heather's family and if we'll find out. I also found it amusing how everyone was worried about what Gail would have said if Heather had insisted on going. I thought the Star Wars banter between Heather and Jake was very funny and think that Heather chose a very appropriate name for Jake's car.

Poor Jake in the scene five years ago he really is miserable. I like how the weather mimicked just how miserable he was. He should have known that he wouldn't be able to sneak by his mother. Gail did a very good job listening to her son and getting him to talk. Despite Jake's annoyance at the beginning of the conversation I think that he was very grateful that she was there to listen to him. I love the smile that came across Gail's face when Jake told her that he loves Heather.

I really like the detail of what Heather had taught Michael and Jake. The description of models built out of sticks, Styrofoam cups, paper clips and play dough was my favorite. Heather's and Jake' banter about the report card was really enjoyable and added some nice levity to the Black Jack trip. I really enjoyed the conversation that ensued after Johnston reviewed the report cards and thought that displaying them on the fridge was a nice touch. I do love the appearance of the peanut butter granola and knowing how much Jake likes peanut butter, almost feel sorry for Jake knowing that he has to share them.  Heather's worry is beginning to show through, packing the backpack that she things Jake may need for his trip. That Jake readily accepts it without saying that he doesn't need half of what she's packing is very telling of how well he knows that this is something that Heather needs to do.  Just loved Heather's request for lip balm, I do hope that Jake is able to bring some back to her.

I thought the make-up scene in Jake's bedroom was very realistic and had the perfect mixture of mush and seriousness.  The whole scene made it obvious to me how much they loved each other and wanted to be together. I like the awkwardness of their talk, they way they both told each other what they needed trying very hard not to offend each other. It was very important for both of them to get out how they feel and for their first serious fight I think they did a very well. I think you already know this, but my favorite part of the scene was when Heather found the napkin with Jake's doodles on it. Thanks for including this for me!

It's just like Gail I think to hide her worries in work. The task of washing sheets for all the beds in the house will keep her very busy. I liked the detail you provided on how difficult it is to do laundry in the present time.  Poor Johnston, will he ever get people to stop calling him mayor?  I like the back story about Dale at the gathering of the groomsmen at the Green's.  I like the care that the Greens take in making sure that Dale has everything that he needs. I like how Gail and Johnston are able to accomplish in getting Dale to agree to let them hem his pants and iron his shirt while at the same time saving Dale's pride.  The whole conversation between Jake and Heather when they went to get the coats provided an interesting contrast to the make-up scene and showed just how far their relationship has come.


Author's Response:

I'm so glad that Heather decided against insisting on going to Black Jack. I really like the reference to Joe when Johnston said he wasn't looking forward to yelling at her twice, once for himself and once for her father. It makes me wonder what happened to the rest of Heather's family and if we'll find out. I also found it amusing how everyone was worried about what Gail would have said if Heather had insisted on going.

 I just couldn't send a pregnant woman to Black Jack!  As for Johnston yelling at Heather for himself and her father, I have always imagined that Joe and Johnston (though very different people in my mind) became friends once they did meet.  Actually, I imagine occasional emails back and forth and a running game of internet chess for the two dads.  We may find out what happened to the rest of the Lisinskis in the future.  To be honest, every time I think I have it nailed down, it goes and changes on me.  I'm still waiting for my brain to settle on an outcome.  If I ever do, I'm sure it will find its way into the story at some point.  As for Gail, she's a bit of a Mama Bear, and I don't know how else to write her - or about her.

 

Poor Jake in the scene five years ago he really is miserable. I like how the weather mimicked just how miserable he was. He should have known that he wouldn't be able to sneak by his mother. Gail did a very good job listening to her son and getting him to talk. Despite Jake's annoyance at the beginning of the conversation I think that he was very grateful that she was there to listen to him. I love the smile that came across Gail's face when Jake told her that he loves Heather.

 I couldn't let Heather be the only miserable one!  As for Gail, I see her not only as a Mama Bear in her protectiveness of those she loves, but also just in the fierceness with which she loves them.  In this instance, mother definitely knows better (if not best).

 

I thought the make-up scene in Jake's bedroom was very realistic and had the perfect mixture of mush and seriousness.  The whole scene made it obvious to me how much they loved each other and wanted to be together. I like the awkwardness of their talk, they way they both told each other what they needed trying very hard not to offend each other. It was very important for both of them to get out how they feel and for their first serious fight I think they did a very well. I think you already know this, but my favorite part of the scene was when Heather found the napkin with Jake's doodles on it. Thanks for including this for me!

 :-)  The napkin's return is a definite reward for asking what the heck happened to it.  It got me thinking, so thanks for asking.  As for the serious mixed in with the mush, Jake absolutely insisted that they needed to have that discussion, and who am I to argue?

 

 Poor Johnston, will he ever get people to stop calling him mayor?

 Probably not!

Thanks, as always, Skyrose!

Reviewer: merryann Signed [Report This]
Date: 19 Aug 2008 1:21:47 AM Title: Part 12B

Adorable!  Loved the 5 years ago parts and the resolution of the disagreement.

The crew leaving for Blackjack was very poignant.  It's an uncertain world they live in!

Washing sheets ~ that would be a chore!

Loved the Star Wars references!!

Looking forward to more!

 



Author's Response:

Thank you, merryann! 

I always wondered why they didn't do a scene with Gail sending Johnston and Jake off to Black Jack on the show.  It seemed like a lost opportunity.  But, then again, no one seemed to think it was that big of a deal that they were going... just another day trip, I guess.  I couldn't not have them mark the occasion, though.

More on the sheets to come (believe it or not) and some gratuitous mushy interactions between Jake and Heather as they both are so relieved to have made up. :-)

Reviewer: harshinib Signed [Report This]
Date: 14 Aug 2008 8:15:00 AM Title: Part 12B

Hiya Marzee

 Thanks for another awesome update.

Great scene at the beginning with Heather, Jake & Johnstone around the car - just seems so real

loved this bit of dialogue

Jake stared at her, his forehead wrinkling with disbelief. "Uh, no thanks," he said, shaking his head. "I've got it. You just stand over there and incubate, please," he ordered, grabbing another bag off the pile. "Though feel free to be impressed by my manly display of strength here," Jake added a few seconds later, winking.



Yeah, finally get to know what she called his car & yes it's way cool, along with Han Solo, Chewbacca ............... (laughs quietly to myself)

5 years before
Jake spending all day fixing fences in yucky weather seems such a Jake thing to do


love Jake trying to sneak in but all the covert ops training are just not good enough for mom!

you get the Gail mom thing so well with this bit - she knows what he needs & will keep at him until it happens:

"Jake, I think what you need, more than anything, is someone to talk to," Gail said, offering a hesitant smile. "So talk to me."


love how Gramps, Gail & April all gang up on both of them to resolve things


back to now
the school report idea was so Heather & the B plus for conduct a classic!

The different timelines in this section emphasise how they have gown together in the 5 years - they were so unsure of each other back then, but now they know they can rely on each other & deeply love each other.
ahhhhh love how she picks out the stuff for him to take

5 years ago
Heather seems so much younger here - once again empahsises how much she has grown emotionally in the 5 years

sigh, true love.......

"God, babe," he swore. "You want into my life? You already are. Completely." It wasn't a word Jake ever used, but he'd said it twice in less than an hour, and about Heather both times. He didn't know how else to tell her what she meant to him. His eyes locked with hers, he slid up the bed, toward where she stood. "I promise," he murmured huskily.



yeah I'm with heather on this one, I wouldn't want to jinx anything either:

"Not gonna say what?" Jake chuckled, his tone puzzled.

"It," Heather repeated, her eyes opening. "Sorry," she apologized, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. "But I'm not jinxing anything."

 

Looking forward to the next part!

Harshini


Author's Response:

Thanks Harshini!  Just a few things I can't not respond to.... :-D

 

Yeah, finally get to know what she called his car & yes it's way cool, along with Han Solo, Chewbacca ............... (laughs quietly to myself)

LOL.  I've known for months that Heather had named Jake's car Millenium Falcon II and it has been so hard not to share.  I am that much of a Star Wars geek.  Glad that I'm not the only one who thinks it's cool.... or that Jake as Han Solo is just the slightest bit appropriate.

 

Jake spending all day fixing fences in yucky weather seems such a Jake thing to do

love Jake trying to sneak in but all the covert ops training are just not good enough for mom!

you get the Gail mom thing so well with this bit - she knows what he needs & will keep at him until it happens:

"Jake, I think what you need, more than anything, is someone to talk to," Gail said, offering a hesitant smile. "So talk to me."

 Jake spending all day fixing fences in bad weather seemed very much like a Jake thing to do.  I have to confess, I had to go back and put bad weather into the April and Heather scene from DC 12A after the fact because it was so perfect that that's what Jake would do when he found himself in a foul mood.  I also have to laugh at Gail catching Jake, covert operative, sneaking in.  I wasn't thinking that when I wrote it, but you are absolutely right.  He's an adult, but she's a Mom and her super powers are definitely ahead of his.  Gail is one of my favorite characters, especially in how she loves her family.  I'm glad that that comes across. :-)

 

back to now
the school report idea was so Heather & the B plus for conduct a classic!

The different timelines in this section emphasise how they have gown together in the 5 years - they were so unsure of each other back then, but now they know they can rely on each other & deeply love each other.
ahhhhh love how she picks out the stuff for him to take

5 years ago
Heather seems so much younger here - once again empahsises how much she has grown emotionally in the 5 years

sigh, true love.......

"God, babe," he swore. "You want into my life? You already are. Completely." It wasn't a word Jake ever used, but he'd said it twice in less than an hour, and about Heather both times. He didn't know how else to tell her what she meant to him. His eyes locked with hers, he slid up the bed, toward where she stood. "I promise," he murmured huskily.

:-)  Thank you!  It's sometimes a challenge to go back and forth between the two timelines but it adds so much for me -- I understand Jake and Heather in the present better because I'm exploring how they got there -- and I'm just really glad that you can "see" their growth as individuals and as a couple. 

 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed [Report This]
Date: 13 Aug 2008 11:00:46 PM Title: Part 12B

 Nice work, Marzee!

I really loved all the little details you incorporated into this chapter, in the flashbacks and post-bombs scenes. They really add so much flavour to these scenes, because all these little touches show how well you know your characters.

Here are some of my favourites:

-The Star Wars discussion. How Heather reveals what she named Jake's car back then, and they way they both interact as they joke about this particular fictional universe. Especially this line:

"Millennium Falcon?" Jake grinned. "So that makes me Han Solo?"

"Yeah, and me Princess Leia," she pointed out, pressing her hand to her middle as she started to laugh harder.

"Of course," he agreed, chuckling along with her. Jake shook his head. "But what does that make Stanley? Chewbacca or Luke?" he asked, affecting a serious expression.

Really, I wish I could quote the whole scene, because it was so funny, and I could really picture this exchange.

-Gail and Gramps ambushing Jake. I love how obvious it is the whole time. That seems to be part of the charm with this family dynamic, all the good-natured, incredibly obvious meddling and teasing. Once again, I liked all the little details you've used to create this picture: Jake's sopping wet DEA baseball hat, the fact that Gail is waiting for him in Gramps' study, in his chair, the image of Jake leaping to his feet wearing only one shoe. I really enjoyed reading this scene. Especially, for some reason, this line:

"Well, look who I found!" Grandpa Green boomed out, cutting Jake off, as he came through the swinging door and into the kitchen. Jake and Gail both glanced toward him, surprise evident in their expressions as they realized who was with him.

-Heather making report cards for Jake and Mikey, giving Jake a lower mark for Conduct, Johnston signing them and Gail displaying them on the fridge. I laughed so hard at this image, but I also thought it was saying something about these characters and how they hold onto their humour and help each other cope with all the crazy changes in their world.

-for some reason, Heather's Christmas wishes for lip balm really got me. A subtle little reminder of the sheer magnitude of the difference between their world three months before and their world now. Obviously, they really miss heat and light and working refridgerators, but to not even be able to do anything about dry lips in winter- it just cements how complete that change is, I guess.

-Jake and Heather falling over themselves to apologize. This scene was full of emotion and had just the right tone- I really got that it was two people in love after their first fight. (Well, of course, I should know that, having read the chapters before this, but you know what I mean. I think if I hadn't read those chapters, I'd still really get that in reading this one.)

-The little back story about Dale at the pre-wedding gathering of groomsmen. It totally tugged on my heartstrings to think about little Dale going to so much effort for the big day, and the care everyone else in the family takes in making sure he feels accepted. I wonder if we'll get to hear more about that day, eventually...

-Dale and Skylar, the young, seemingly mismatched couple, in contrast to the much more grown-up couples saying goodbye. It's funny that in some ways, they seem a little like the younger versions of Jake and Heather from the five years before segment; they're a couple that surprises people, first just because they've chosen each other despite their differences, and also because it seems that their intensity surprises people too. In other ways, they're just so different from Jake and Heather. From this scene, it seems like they're really sure of themselves, what they want, and wary of any outside interference. It's a really interesting contrast.

I really enjoyed this update, and I look forward to the next!




Author's Response:

Penny,

I lost the long response to your review a couple of days ago in a user/computer malfunction so I'm trying again, but will keep this just a little shorter.  Thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a detailed review.  It's wonderful to know that the things I'm trying to get across (the obvious nature of the Greens' interferences in one another's lives, how much Jake and Heather care for one another, etc.) are getting across.  It's also nice to know that my little indulgences (the Star Wars references for one) are appreciated.

 

Heather making report cards for Jake and Mikey, giving Jake a lower mark for Conduct, Johnston signing them and Gail displaying them on the fridge. I laughed so hard at this image, but I also thought it was saying something about these characters and how they hold onto their humour and help each other cope with all the crazy changes in their world.

I was glad that you commented on the report cards, and that you interpreted the interaction as a way to hold ointo their humor.  I definitely meant to show this as a copy mechanism.  Heather remembered an off-hand comment from Johnston and ran with it because it would give them something light to talk about in place of the truly scary reality of their day-to-day existence.  Anyway, thanks!

 

I am also VERY glad you commented on the Dale 5 years ago scene, as well as the Dale and Skylar interaction.  I hadn't thought of the compare/contrast aspect of Dale and Skylar versus Jake and Heather, but reading your take on everything certainly got my plot bunnies working overtime.  So, just for you, there's more Dale and Skylar coming up. :-)

The little back story about Dale at the pre-wedding gathering of groomsmen. It totally tugged on my heartstrings to think about little Dale going to so much effort for the big day, and the care everyone else in the family takes in making sure he feels accepted. I wonder if we'll get to hear more about that day, eventually...

First off, I will definitely get to Heather's and Jake's wedding day, one day.... many, many years from now. ;-)  Okay, maybe not years, but definitely months because I am a slow writer.  I am planning to cover the wedding eventually and there is a little more discussion of the wedding coming up in DC 12.  As for Dale and the Greens, I think I'm still trying t o explain why Dale went to Gail with the recording of his mother's death in Atlanta back in the Pilot.  (And, for that matter, why Jake told Dale to come for him for help in 9:02.)  It's why I decided that Gail was Dale's childhood babysitter and that he's "practicaly" a member of the family.  The show didn't bear me out on this really, but it didn't contradict me either, so I'm going with it.

Thanks again for your comments, they are greatly appreciated.

Reviewer: SandraDee Signed [Report This]
Date: 11 Aug 2008 9:41:37 PM Title: Part 12B

Oh, Marzee, you know how much I love your story, and this installment was no exception.  In the present time portions, I loved the gentle bantering between Jake and Heather with the various Star Wars references, Heather teaching Jake what he needed to know regarding governors, and the pleading for lip balm.  I know I’ve said it before, but the way you write the two of them makes them just leap off the page.  The small details—for instance the mention of Heather’s red wool coat—make me feel like I’m watching an episode.  Then I lament the fact that the show just wasn’t as good as your story is!

In the five years ago portion, it was good to see that Jake was equally miserable.  LOL.  I know I shouldn’t wish him to be miserable, but I thought it was important that he was feeling the separation from Heather as much as she was.  When they did finally reunite, I could tell that they so longed to be with one another, but they were both watching the way they worded their responses to one another so carefully.  It was evident that neither of them wanted to risk losing the other.

Aww….the napkin.  Sigh.  And a date on Saturday!  I’m really looking forward to them getting to spend time together.

One last note: loved how the peanut butter fanaticism came back into view with the granola bars. Heehee.

Thanks for sharing your story with us!



Author's Response:

 The small details—for instance the mention of Heather’s red wool coat—make me feel like I’m watching an episode.  Then I lament the fact that the show just wasn’t as good as your story is!

Well, thank you. :-)  I do like my details, and I'm glad you get the feeling of the episode in certain spots.  Is it bad if I admit I like my version better than the actual show?

 

In the five years ago portion, it was good to see that Jake was equally miserable.  LOL.  I know I shouldn’t wish him to be miserable, but I thought it was important that he was feeling the separation from Heather as much as she was.

They were a rather pathetic pair, weren't they?  And, yes we shouldn't wish for either of them to be miserable, but it's important that they're starting to come to terms with how much they mean to each other.

 

When they did finally reunite, I could tell that they so longed to be with one another, but they were both watching the way they worded their responses to one another so carefully.  It was evident that neither of them wanted to risk losing the other.

I'm glad that came across.  I definitely wanted to show them being cautious and heavily invested in the outcome because they absolutely don't want to lose the other.  However, as a reward for getting through all the angst, I can promise you that the next part (at least in the past) is loads of Jake/Heather fluff-mush. :-)

 

Aww….the napkin.  Sigh.  And a date on Saturday!  I’m really looking forward to them getting to spend time together.

I'm sorry to have to admit that I'm not writing their Saturday date, but it does happen, and they have a wonderful time.  They went to see Ocean's 11.  (And yes, I actually looked up what movies opened that weekend to pick something for them to see.)

 

One last note: loved how the peanut butter fanaticism came back into view with the granola bars. Heehee.

I can't resist the peanut butter references.  They will get worse before they get better.  It's how I amuse myself. :-)

 

Reviewer: epm0001 Signed [Report This]
Date: 10 Aug 2008 11:18:13 PM Title: Part 12B

Yea!!! Another chapter. I'm glad Heather didn't go to Black Jack.

 As usual great stuff and I can't wait to read more.



Author's Response:

I just couldn't send a pregnant woman to that place.  And, when Jake sees a little of Black Jack, he'll be even more relieved that she didn't come.

Thank you for taking the time to review!

Reviewer: JuliaGulia Signed [Report This]
Date: 09 Aug 2008 3:06:29 PM Title: Part 12B

Yay! I've been waiting for the next instalment in this series for what seems like forever. So thank you for updating!

 I absolutly love the five years before segments. I was eagerly awaiting the making up between Jake and Heather after their 'big' fight. I thought it was really sweet that Gail came to Jake to tell him that he needed to do something about the Heather situation. It also made me really excited that Jake was going to head over to Heather's to apologize. You did the making up scene very well.

I'm still very curious to see what will happen with the whole Black Jack part of the story, and see how you incorperate Micheal into it. I'm also curious to see if your going to use Heather's friends from New Bern, although, she might not of known them in your universe. But, i can't wait to see what your going to do with the windmill situation that comes from New Bern later in the series.

 Can't wait to see more! Keep up the great work, and i look forward to reading more of your story!



Author's Response:

Thank you, Julia!

It also made me really excited that Jake was going to head over to Heather's to apologize. You did the making up scene very well.

:-D  Heather will be rather excited herself when she realizes.  I'm glad you enjoyed the make-up scene, especailly since Heather didn't insist on going to the party in Denver.

 

I'm still very curious to see what will happen with the whole Black Jack part of the story, and see how you incorperate Micheal into it. I'm also curious to see if your going to use Heather's friends from New Bern, although, she might not of known them in your universe. But, i can't wait to see what your going to do with the windmill situation that comes from New Bern later in the series.

All will be revealed soon-ish.  I have a way through this little conundrum without involving Heather (too much) that hopefully will be reasonably satisfying.  I'll try not to keep you waiting tooooo long.

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