The Greens of Jericho

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Dec 2013 1:13:40 PM Title: Part 14F

Excellent continuation of your triumphant return, Marzee!

As usual, I love all the little human touches of humour and pathos you weave through present scenes that revisit things we already know and a few that we haven't seen.

In the opening, I liked those little character moments that set each person apart with an individual point of view - Johnston reflecting on feeling cold just from looking at his poor, heroic son, Zack wanting a chance to drive the tank, and Mikey, who's experienced so many weird and scary things and really, a post-apocalyptic coming of age (does it count if one has surpassed teenagehood? A post-apocalyptic roughening anyway), feeling relieved at Zack's still youthful playfulness, despite his ease with a weapon.

I also really loved how you showed us Stanley the good friend, knowing Jake enough to know to take care around him, reading the signs and trying to anticipate what his friend needs. I also liked the return, later in the chapter, of their friendship (or I guess the spectre of their friendship), both in the story of their live-to-one-hundred pact (they wanted to outlive everyone who could tell them what to do, and I wonder if they will reflect on this ever in the trying times ahead when they are in charge of their own difficult situations), and in Jake's conversations with his future brother-in-law.

I also liked the balance between their closeness and their fairly recent distance in their conversation about Jake's big secret. Especially this:

Quote: It was the truth, but not the whole truth. He couldn't seem to force those words up out of his throat. I killed her. But Jake couldn't say it. He didn't want Stanley to know that about him – he didn't want anyone to know that about him, and it was bad enough that his father now knew, but he wasn't going to tell his best friend.

This is such a telling line in terms of Jake's character. He has this close relationship with his best friend, close enough to go this far, but his secretive side takes over and holds this darkest secret close still. Telling at its continuing impact on his life and that his life goals that he's willing to share and focus on are, at the moment, so far away from this horrible moment in the past and so close to his own friend's present goals of domestic, steady life. Also, Stanley loves French toast? Man after my own heart. Actually, I love pancakes too. I guess I'm torn.

The descriptions of the guys trying to handle the smell made me laugh at first, and then I felt bad. It gave those scenes all a nice texture, but really made me feel for the fake marines. The smell of desperation, super tangible, and a reminder of a kind of horror at what they'd done, but also a horror of what they'd experienced, is quite a motif I think. And a really neat kind of harbinger of what's to come, when we have these characters who observed and caught on to the fake marines, from a defensive position and one where they can still react with horror, actually descending into their vehicle and handling their violently-obtained gains of battle. And then all the terrible smells stay on their clothes, and I can't help but think and wonder about what kinds of (to them, now unimaginable) things they might have to do in the future and how they might have to get their hands dirty too. Of course, I only know how things happened in that other universe, but I assume things are still going to get darker for the poor denizens of DC Jericho before things get lighter.

Quote: "So – so none of it is true," Mimi decided, sighing tiredly. She could feel her eyes filling with tears, so she stared at her feet, willing it all to go away.

"We don't know what's true or not true," Jake said. "Maybe there was a war, maybe there wasn't. Maybe there's one president, maybe there's still six. Could go either way. We're just back where we were this morning, that's all."

Stanley reached for Mimi's hand squeezing it tightly. "Hey, Uncle Sam," he teased, "You'll still get to New York…. You just – just hafta hang out with us here a little longer, 'kay?"

"Right," she agreed after a long moment, clearing her throat. Blinking hard, Mimi raised her head and met his gaze. "I'm – I'm okay," she declared unconvincingly. "I'll be okay. I'm just gonna go up to the house, okay?"

Poor Mimi! I really felt for her and I think you've really nicely captured how she might react to this terrible news – her grief is openly tangible but she's also still enough of an independent player to need to sort it out alone for a while. This was a moment I'm glad we got to see here, as in a sense I think Mimi is getting dealt the biggest blow by this news (even though it's no picnic for everyone else), and it is neat to see her at this weird crossroads, where she's somewhat become part of the community, being included in the secret and acknowledged as attached to someone, but also still apart as she's understandably shaken by the loss of her chance to leave and return to her former way of life and comfort zone. I loved also how you showed Stanley caring for her in what he has come to sense is the right way for her. The Stanley and Bonnie moment, with the siblings at this antagonistic but still ultimately (somewhat, in the big picture) united moment, is just right too.

Quote: Michael didn't even bother looking back over his shoulder, settling instead for raising his hand in acknowledgment as he pushed through the door between the kitchen and dining room. "Yes, Miss Bossy Heather."

I was going to say “Poor Mikey!” but I realized that would be funny, about someone being told to take a shower, coming right after my sympathizing with Mimi finding out her hopes for her old life were dashed. I will say this brother-sister relationship continues to crack me up in the past and it is sweet in the present.

Quote: For the remainder of the afternoon, Heather had babied him – not that Jake had objected – retrieving his shoes from the locker they'd rented, bringing him coffee and Reese's from the snack bar, and even sneaking him a couple of Tylenol from her purse. Eventually, at his urging and her nieces' cajoling, she'd returned to the rink for a half hour or so, skating around the oval with the two little girls a few times before they'd ended up on the ice directly in front of him. They – Heather included – had shown him every trick they knew how to do on skates, while Jake had cheered and clapped. Finally, Andrew had told the girls that it was time to go, and Heather had decided that they needed to head over to John's and Kerry's for their dinner date.

I liked the descriptions of the rest of Jake and Heather's weekend visiting her family – it sounded like a perfect mix of fun and the occasional awkward moment. I especially liked the way Heather both did her best to help Jake acclimatize to his new role in her life and family, but also got her moments to shine in her natural (well, original) habitat, and got her turn on the ice!

Quote: "Yeah," April answered a few seconds later. "Yeah, tomorrow's okay. But, in general, my medical advice is to take it easy, okay? And," she continued, fixing a hard stare on Jake, "Avoid strenuous activities for the next few days, okay?"

"You're makin' Heather blush, you know," Jake returned blandly – and without bothering to look at his wife, who had pressed her face into his shoulder, most likely to hide her embarrassment.

Haha! I do like April's sense of humour. I like, too, the balance of levity and solemnity in the little moments between Jake and Heather in the present. It's also neat in this chapter to see the contrast between these two times in their lives, surrounded in the first by the family Heather grew up with and Jake is choosing to join, making the plans for their lives that seem in a sense far away, and in the second surrounded by Jake's and Heather's family, partly of origin and partly friends they have chosen, making new plans the best they can in a future that's even more tenuous but also tenable.

Nicely done and I look forward to the next chapter!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author's Response:

First of all, thank you so much for your review, Penny Lane.  :-)

I could probably go through and  respond to each and every line, but I will restrain myself and somehow stick to the "highlights".

 

Quote: In the opening, I liked those little character moments that set each person apart with an individual point of view - Johnston reflecting on feeling cold just from looking at his poor, heroic son, Zack wanting a chance to drive the tank, and Mikey, who's experienced so many weird and scary things and really, a post-apocalyptic coming of age (does it count if one has surpassed teenagehood? A post-apocalyptic roughening anyway), feeling relieved at Zack's still youthful playfulness, despite his ease with a weapon.

I definitely think that Mikey is having a post-apocalyptic coming of age – that is the perfect description of it, so thank you for that.  Not that anyone expected the lives they've ended up with, but Mikey's is especially different from the one he imagined.  Plus, after taking that one brave risk of travelling cross country to get to his sister (whom he thought was alone and possibly vulnerable out in Kansas) he's having to again and again make "brave choices" and finding that  it's not so easy to do.  So truly 'coming of age'.

 

Quote: I also liked the balance between their closeness and their fairly recent distance in their conversation about Jake's big secret.

This is such a telling line in terms of Jake's character. He has this close relationship with his best friend, close enough to go this far, but his secretive side takes over and holds this darkest secret close still. Telling at its continuing impact on his life and that his life goals that he's willing to share and focus on are, at the moment, so far away from this horrible moment in the past and so close to his own friend's present goals of domestic, steady life. Also, Stanley loves French toast? Man after my own heart. Actually, I love pancakes too. I guess I'm torn.

I just can't see Jake giving up this particular secret willingly.  Add to that, that I have a head filled with DC backstory, one in which Jake's ultimate goal is a nice, quiet, family-oriented life – basically the opposite of his darkest secret, at least in his mind.  This probably isn't the Jake that canon intends, but having lived with DC Jake running around my brain for so many years now, I will confess that I find mine more interesting.  The stakes seem higher for him, and that's what interests me the most.  As for breakfast, I'm torn too.  I'll go with either of these guys if they're doing the cooking! ;-)

 

Quote: The descriptions of the guys trying to handle the smell made me laugh at first, and then I felt bad. It gave those scenes all a nice texture, but really made me feel for the fake marines. The smell of desperation, super tangible, and a reminder of a kind of horror at what they'd done, but also a horror of what they'd experienced, is quite a motif I think. And a really neat kind of harbinger of what's to come, when we have these characters who observed and caught on to the fake marines, from a defensive position and one where they can still react with horror, actually descending into their vehicle and handling their violently-obtained gains of battle. And then all the terrible smells stay on their clothes, and I can't help but think and wonder about what kinds of (to them, now unimaginable) things they might have to do in the future and how they might have to get their hands dirty too. Of course, I only know how things happened in that other universe, but I assume things are still going to get darker for the poor denizens of DC Jericho before things get lighter.

Thank you for using the word "motif".  That truly made my day.  To be honest, I first just thought that this group of people had been living out of this one vehicle for who knows how long, and of course wouldn't it smell?  Then I thought about how much bigger that would make their secret, how it would increase the risk every time they tried their ruse once again.  All it would take is one person sticking their head in the tank, and wouldn't they have some explaining to do?  Anyway, I couldn't let it go once the idea occurred to me.  As for the smell that permeates our heroes skin and clothes, I think most of it is in their heads… the little bit that Heather can smell on Jake is only because she knows exactly what he smells like normally.  And, as for what's to come… well, I will just say that some of the details will stay the same, some will change…and you'll just have to keep reading if you want to know more! :-)

 

Quote: Poor Mimi! I really felt for her and I think you've really nicely captured how she might react to this terrible news – her grief is openly tangible but she's also still enough of an independent player to need to sort it out alone for a while. This was a moment I'm glad we got to see here, as in a sense I think Mimi is getting dealt the biggest blow by this news (even though it's no picnic for everyone else), and it is neat to see her at this weird crossroads, where she's somewhat become part of the community, being included in the secret and acknowledged as attached to someone, but also still apart as she's understandably shaken by the loss of her chance to leave and return to her former way of life and comfort zone.

Again, I'm glad you liked what I did for Mimi, another of your favorites.  It seems pretty obvious that she was aware of the tank in the barn… so I thought it would be interesting to figure out how she would react to the news that the marines were a fake.  So I'm glad you … not approve… but believe my suggestion of how things would go down.

 

Quote: Michael didn't even bother looking back over his shoulder, settling instead for raising his hand in acknowledgment as he pushed through the door between the kitchen and dining room. "Yes, Miss Bossy Heather."

I was going to say “Poor Mikey!” but I realized that would be funny, about someone being told to take a shower, coming right after my sympathizing with Mimi finding out her hopes for her old life were dashed. I will say this brother-sister relationship continues to crack me up in the past and it is sweet in the present.

:-)  What can I say, Mikey is the little brother I always wanted, (gentle) name calling and all.

 

Quote:  I liked the descriptions of the rest of Jake and Heather's weekend visiting her family – it sounded like a perfect mix of fun and the occasional awkward moment. I especially liked the way Heather both did her best to help Jake acclimatize to his new role in her life and family, but also got her moments to shine in her natural (well, original) habitat, and got her turn on the ice!

I have loved the interlude with the Lisinskis, really loved writing all these crazy, fun, loving original characters, so it's nice to hear that they ring true.  And, yes, Heather does get her moment, doesn't she?  I hadn't actually thought of that, but I am quite glad.

 

Quote: Haha! I do like April's sense of humour. I like, too, the balance of levity and solemnity in the little moments between Jake and Heather in the present. It's also neat in this chapter to see the contrast between these two times in their lives, surrounded in the first by the family Heather grew up with and Jake is choosing to join, making the plans for their lives that seem in a sense far away, and in the second surrounded by Jake's and Heather's family, partly of origin and partly friends they have chosen, making new plans the best they can in a future that's even more tenuous but also tenable.

 

Thanks. :-)  April always seems so strained to me, I have to give her a moment here and there to roll her eyes or laugh at her friends.  As for my favorite couple, I have decided (and just recently, oddly enough) that I'm committed to this story as it should be told, so canon be damned.  I'm writing a Jake and Heather story, I won't make any apologies for that, and they will be as real and as united of a couple as I can manage to write.