As Jake walked into Bailey’s he knew that this was the place he needed to be tonight. Things had been a bit rough recently and as far as he was concerned a stiff drink of Mary’s homemade concoction was exactly what he needed to forget the world around him.

Eric gave him a nod as he sat down at the far end of the bar, the darkest place he could be.  Before he knew it, Mary had placed a glass in front of his face.  “My favourite, hey Mary?”

Mary chuckled as she walked away. “It’s the only favourite these days Jake.”

Jake took a long first sip from the toxic brew and looked around the bar. As usual, the whole town was here. There wasn’t really much else to do once the bombs had been dropped. With no real supplies and services coming into town, entertainment was a minimum. This would have been what his dad would have called a ‘Dire, but not unfixable situation’. A born leader, Johnston Green knew how to balance necessity with hope. Not that he had held much hope for his son. Jake knew that he had been difficult for his parents. He knew that his mother had always believed that he would come out the other end one day, but his father couldn’t be convinced. That was until Jake returned to Jericho the day of the bombs. As Jake thought back to that day, he felt a pull in chest as he recalled his father’s comments that he would always be hopeless and good for nothing. That he had made a mess of his life and that he should fix it on his own. 

Jake knew that since that day, he had slowly changed his father’s mind. Since the bombs had dropped, Jake had been forced to work with his father on a number of projects to keep the town going. As everyone around them had fallen apart, Johnston Green had remained strong. Jake had respected his father more than he thought he was capable of at the time and slowly Johnston had returned the favour. But all of that was over now.

Jake felt his stomach turn as he recalled the last couple of weeks. The town had faced the military arriving and taking control of the town. Saving the lives of those left standing.  The town had buried many valuable people after that, including his father. The mood everywhere was somber as everyone realised the real impact of the battle with Constantino and New Bern. Jake knew that he had led the town into that fight, that he was responsible for the outcome. Yet the town continued to look to him for guidance.  Why, he couldn’t understand. But mainly Jake didn’t know if he could do it without his father. He wasn’t the leader; that was Johnston and Eric’s role.  He was the screw-up. As far as Jake was concerned, he still was the screw-up.

“A top up?” Mary asked, breaking his thoughts.

“ Yeah, thanks,” Jake responded.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours Jake?” Eric asked from behind the counter.

“Ahhh nothing really. I was just thinking,”  Jake replied.

“About Dad?”

“Yeah.”

Knowing that Jake wasn’t one to talk about his feelings, Eric began to turn to another customer, “Well if you need anyone to talk to let me know.  Heather did say I had great listening skills.”

Jake’s head hung in shame at the mention of Heather’s name. Another screw-up. A waste of a beautiful life. A life he could have saved if he had the balls to be a man when it really counted. Jake recalled how he felt part of his heart break when Eric told him about Heather. Jake had let her down in more ways than he could count. He knew how she felt about him. He knew that she looked at him as more than a screw-up, as a man worthy of being important and loved. Yet he had ignored it, he had chosen to sacrifice himself to the cause and not to her.  In the end, Heather had followed his lead and sacrificed her own life.  He had forced her into a world she didn’t belong to. A world that chewed her up and spat her out like a piece of dirt. And now she wouldn’t be returning to him, to a safe harbour.

As the noise around him increased markedly, it took all of Jake to not scream at everyone to shut up. All he wanted was to forget. Forget his father’s passing and forget how much he missed Heather.  Jake knew that Bailey’s wasn’t the place for him anymore. He had to get out of here to somewhere quiet. As he finished his glass and stood to leave Jake heard a soft voice say, “Join you for one?”