The Greens of Jericho

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 14 Jun 2008 Title: Chapter 1: Life in Bizarro World

I really enjoyed this story about Jake and Heather’s new relationship.  I didn’t like that they left Heather out of the Thanksgiving episode either and I liked your explanation about what happened.

I like the insight into the characters that you gave with the little details you put in --- Jake’s concern for Heather and how he rode up and down Main Street hoping to find her,  Gail asking Jake questions in the kitchen after he came home Thanksgiving night, Heather reorganizing her books, the picture of Heather and her parents at her graduation that Jake picked up in Heather’s apartment – just to name a few.  I like how you didn’t leave us wondering about the state of Jake and Emily’s relationship before you delved more deeply into Jake and Heather’s.

My favorite part is the conversation between Jake and Heather when Jake finally caught up with her.  I especially liked when Heather admitting being jealous and telling Jake that she should kiss her more, and then the talk that came after when Heather compared the number of kisses she gave him to the number he gave her. I also like how the conversation turned serious when Jake told Heather a little bit about his past and Heather’s reassurance that it didn’t matter and that all that did was the man he was now.

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 “ Jake, who even in his worst years, had rarely exchanged a cross word with her, found himself snapping at her when she began asking questions about Emily and him like it was ten years before, and they were still a couple. Gail was obviously hurt by his reaction, which only made things worse. Finally though, Jake was able to extract the promise that she would stay out of anything to do with him and Emily, or for that matter, any romantic interest he might have, though Emily, he stressed, was not a romantic interest anymore, and that was just the way it was.”

I really thought this said a lot about the kind of relationship that Jake and Gail had.  The respect that Jake has for his mother is very evident in this part. I could just see Gail asking a lot of questions about Emily, I think it is so like her and not because she’s trying to interfere but because she just wants Jake to be happy. I have to say I like Jake’s confirmation that it’s over between Emily and him.

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“Bemused, Gail had allowed Jake to win the argument, even though his reasoning didn't really make sense. Her spirits, which had taken quite a beating recently, were rising with the certain knowledge that her son had found someone to care about again, even if that someone wasn't Emily.

Truly, their disagreements were rare, and while Jake and Johnston had always had trouble forgiving each other their grievances, Gail and her son did not suffer for past hurts and wrongs. She'd hugged him fiercely, while he was still seated at the table, glad to once again have the advantage of height she'd lost just about the time he turned thirteen. She told him that she loved him, and that she was happy for him, and that surely Heather was safe, and whatever had prevented her from coming was unimportant, a miscommunication, or a mistake. Jake had groaned then, but only protested half-heartedly that she'd promised to stay out of it. “

I just loved this. I think it speaks a lot to Gail’s personality and how much she cares for her family. I liked the comparison to Johnston and Jake’s relationship and the image of Gail hugging her son fiercely while being glad to have the advantage of height. I could just see Jake groaning and rolling his eyes when Gail said she was happy for him and reassured him that Heather was safe. I also think that Jake appreciated what Gail had to say to him which is why he protested  half-heartedly.

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“Before the bombs, the only deaths Jimmy had ever investigated were car wrecks on the highway. He'd had an education over the previous two months, between the bodies they had found at Bass Lake, and the suicides he'd been called out for during the past few weeks, but those weren't anything like this.”

I liked about how when you described the investigation was the reminders of just how much the world changed since the bombs went off. This was only one of them.

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“Jake met his father's gaze evenly, only admitting to nothing official. Johnston still knew hardly anything about Jake's five years away from Jericho, but he was finding it surprisingly easy to read Jake now; he was no longer the punk kid who could lie to his father just as easily as he breathed.”

I liked the recognition from Johnston that Jake isn’t the same person he was when he left Jericho; that he knows Jake has grown and become a better man during the five years he was away from Jericho.

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“ "Hey, knock yourself out." Jake found that he couldn't help but grin. It just seemed so Heather-ish for her to rearrange her whole living room when she didn't know what else to do; slightly obsessive and definitely adorable.”

I like the new word ‘Heather-ish’.

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Author's Response:

Thanks for your comments, Skyrose!

 

You picked some of my favorite parts to quote, probably because they illustrated the points I really wanted to make (and so worked the hardest on) such as how much things had changed since the bombs (through Jimmy's career history), Jake's and Gail's close relationship, and how Johnston is starting to "get" Jake. 

 

I'm glad you liked my explanation for Heather's absence, not to mention my new word.  I think the meaning of "Heather-ish" is pretty obvious... that which is whatever you personally really enjoy about the personality of our favorite third grade teacher. :-)

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 08 Jul 2008 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9

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Another great chapter. The first three paragraphs of the chapter really created a powerful image in my mind. I thought it was a great way to start the chapter. It also definitely has me worried for Heather. I liked Heather's memories of her dance with Jake and Jake telling her she could have any man she wanted and her acknowledgement that she wants Jake. I particularly liked this descriptive phrase that you used: ‘near dream-like state in the sleepy recesses of her mind'.

I really like Gail's thoughtfulness in leaving the bag of necessities and the not welcoming her to their house for Heather. The keychain with the saying ‘Home is where you're loved' etched on it was really a nice touch. I can imagine how welcomed it made Heather feel. I think that Gail knew exactly what she was doing when she picked out that keychain.

During Heather and Jake's conversation in the basement I was pleased that Jake wanted to learn about what made Heather tick. I liked the little insight into Heather's life where she talked about her dad and how he thought it would be a good idea for her to learn how to take things apart and put them back together.

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Quote:
"I understand little people. Children, I mean. They don't have pretenses. They eventually learn to, but they aren't inherently programmed that way." Her eyes fluttered closed, and she could envision her former students, so full of life and personality. Her job hadn't been easy-no job ever done well ever was-but teaching third grade had been fulfilling. She'd considered it a privilege to get to share in the children's lives and their learning experiences.

I really like the insight into Heather here about how she feels about teaching and why it is rewarding to her.

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Quote:
Jake watched Heather and got the sense that she was holding on to far more than she revealed. He knew better than anyone how complex human nature was, how near impossible it was to maneuver through the cavalcade of what people said versus what they did or thought. Hadn't he been caught up in that cavalcade for the good portion of his adult life? Working for Jonah Prowse, sugar-coating exactly what those "deliveries" were about, being in war zones, unwittingly providing weaponry to the highest bidder, hiding his past from his family for so long, even being caught up with Hawkins and "the package" again, pretending there wasn't a nuclear warhead hidden under a garden shed only a mile and a half away?

Great insight into Jake's mind.

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I really liked the story that Jake told Heather about the his time in Afghanistan and his message that the children never gave up and found happiness in the most unlikely of places. I liked Heather's memory that one time she thought her students dreams were alive with dreams and possibilities and the truth of Jake's statement that the children of Jericho will adapt better than most adults. In this conversation I also liked Heather's response that he couldn't have stopped her when Jake told her that he shouldn't have let her go to New Bern. I like how Heather's response speaks to her independence and her determination to help Jericho.

The scene on Main Street and the one later in town hall were very good. I liked how Jake held Heather and reassured that he was alright and that Marnie mistakened them for a couple. I wonder how Jake will feel when he realizes he unwittingly revealed that Heather was alive in front of the would be assassin from New Bern.

Buffalo Credit...I'd be wary of it just like Heather is. It just seems like another way for J&R to steal what's not theirs. The memory of Heather's conversation with her dad where he tells her to be nice to everyone was poignant. I have to say I really like how you intertwine little snippets about Heather's past into the story. I really feel like I'm getting to know her.

The irony of Heather having ‘The Butter Battle Book' as her book during the week the school celebrated Dr. Seuss week was very appropriate I thought. I can just imagine the desolation Heather felt when she was walking through the halls of her school and when she stepped into her classroom. I thought the detail in this scene was excellent and it painted a very good picture of how Heather was feeling.

Just by the things Emily was saying to Heather you could tell she considered Heather a threat to her relationship with Jake. Emily is really staking her territory in a mean way by telling Heather the story about how she used to sneak into Jake's room. I thought it was typical of Emily not to hesitate to tell Heather what was wrong in her world when Heather asked her how she has been rather than steering the conversation back to how Heather was. As her friend I think she should have realized that Heather was avoiding and would want to know why. I thought the contrast you made between how Heather and Emily grew up was interesting and helped explain their present day personalities.

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Quote:
Heather found her own eyes welling with tears, sorrow for Emily's loss and immense sadness for Jake, as well. This incident separated him from everyone he knew and loved. Yet Heather simply could not reconcile the Jake that Emily described with the Jake she knew. Jake Green was one of the most fearless people she'd ever met. For him to just turn tail and run didn't make any sense. "I just can't believe Jake would run out on you like that, Em. It doesn't sound like him."

Seems like Heather is beginning to realize Emily's tactics and Emily is realizing it prompting her to tear Jake down and manipulate the situation again. I just loved that despite what Emily says she trusts Jake completely.

It's just like Emily to try and continue to manipulate the situation by talking about how good Roger was for her and then saying he chose the refugees over her. I think it is so typical of Emily to paint herself as the victim. I'm glad that Heather realizes that there's more to the story.

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The whole conversation between Jake and Gray was very interesting. I get the feeling that Gray resents anyone with the last name of Green. It's so funny that the mention of anything green makes Gray think of the Johnston Green's family. I liked the tidbit that Gray had an ex-wife. I can imagine how difficult he might be to live with. Good for Jake for calling Gray on how much information he was giving the military. Interesting that Gray was told about a nuclear bomb being in the area. Kind of symbolic I think that Jake drove away and left Emily standing in the parking lot.

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Quote:
But as Emily paused to think, she knew. Jake was one thing they had in common and one thing that had the potential to pull them apart. Wasn't that the dichotomy that always troubled her existence? It went back as far as she could remember. Stability and excitement; endearment and lust; forgiveness and rancor. They had all warred within her at some point; still did in many ways. And now she found another dichotomy. More than anything, she wanted her relationship with Jake to be different this time, to actually work out. Maybe then she would be able to let go of the past. She also wanted her friendship with Heather to continue. Heather Lisinski was the first person in Jericho who looked beyond Emily's troubled past, beyond her father's influence, and beyond the stares and whispers.

Good insight into Emily. Interesting that she thinks that her relationship with Jake, if it works, will allow her to let go of the past.

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Hamilton is such a gentleman. I like how he saw through Emily right away. It's very telling that Hamilton, who has only known Heather for a only a short period of time realizes more things about her than Emily who has known her so much longer.

I like the little backs story on Michael Flaherty and got a sense of his pride in his business with the statement that the work he did in Jericho and surrounding towns was his showcase. I always find it interesting how people you didn't like when you were younger you like when you are older. I can picture Michael and Eric working well together. Eric asks some very good questions about the state of the nation in this part of the story. You are providing him with some good insights. I like the Eric's thoughts of his father and how they applied to him.

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Quote:
"That's understandable." Eric remembered how his father had urged him toward that job with Mr. Flaherty the summer between his junior and senior years of high school. Johnston Green had been convinced that it would help build character and instill in Eric an appreciation for hard work. That was the same summer that Jake lived and worked on the ranch with their grandfather after managing a QPA of 1.8 in his first year of college, the summer which marked the beginning of Jake becoming mildly involved with Jonah Prowse's operations, a decision that set their parents on edge. The more Jake pushed their father away, the more Johnston had pushed Eric to succeed. "I never figured I would have anything to do with building again. I wasn't cut out for construction back then."

I really like the detail you put into describing your characters. I thought this paragraph was very insightful in explaining why Eric is the way he is.

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Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your comments, Skyrose. :)

Heather is definitely carrying more baggage than anyone (other than Eric) is aware.  Luckily for her, she's in a good place at the Green house.  Gail is just what the doctor ordered--very thoughtful and welcoming. Plus, Gail sees what Jake and Heather can't admit to themselves just yet, that they are very good for one another.  And I think you're right about the inscription.  There was definitely a message that Gail was trying to convey to Heather.

I felt like I was treading a rather precarious line with Jake and Heather in this chapter after how the previous chapter ended, so I'm glad that their conversations came through okay.  They're both torn between what they want to do and what they think they should do.  Throw into that mix Jake's being pulled back in with Hawkins and Heather trying to come to terms with what happened in New Bern, and it's a pretty messy situation.  They're trying their best to keep their feelings in check, but it's becoming obvious to those around them that there is a connection between them.  Marnie saw it right off the bat, and it's 'not for nothin' that Emily is feeling threatened.

Speaking of Emily, she has certainly had more than her fair share of bad things happen to her.  But I also feel like at some point, she's making a choice to wallow in her self-pity. She's certainly got quite a mileage out of it--and she's continuing what has essentially worked for her up until now.  But yes, Heather is having a difficult time reconciling what Emily is saying with what Heather knows of Jake.  The way they view him is quite disparate and indicative of where those relationships are heading.

And yes, Jake may have inadvertently revealed Heather's presence to those in New Bern.  And certainly, there will be people in NB who are interested in that information.  When he realizes what he's done, Jake is going to be pretty angry with himself.

Gray is a fun character to write, largely because he's usually a jackass, but he has these moments of clarity.  However, his unease with following in the footsteps of Johnston Green does cloud his decisions and sometimes his judgment. 

I have to admit that I enjoy writing original characters almost as much as writing canon characters.  Flaherty, the Schuberts, and Hamilton certainly aren't the main focus, but I think it's always good to have a reminder that there are people in Jericho other than our main characters.  Hamilton, in particular, is a favorite of mine.  You are right that he absolutely has Emily figured out.  He's good natured and doesn't directly cut her down, but he can't quite figure out why Heather is her friend.  Certainly, he wants to see Heather happy. 

The Heather/Eric friendship was one thing that I expected to see on the show but never did see.  Considering that these two were in NB together, going through life and death situations, I figured that they would become close.  Perhaps this is taking dramatic license on my part, but I really felt like Heather needed a friend who wasn't interested in her romantically (a la Hamilton and Jake) or feeling threatened by her (Emily).  Eric fit that bill.  :)

Thank you again for all your comments, insights, and encouragement.

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 07 Sep 2008 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11, Part A

 

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. It's nice to see that both Jake and Heather are finally beginning to come to terms with the way they feel with one another.  I am also glad that Heather is beginning to see just want kind of a friend Emily is to her. I think that Emily was counting on using Heather's loyalty to their friendship to keep Heather from pursuing Jake and I think it would've worked if Jake didn't make a few comments to show Heather otherwise.

I especially liked all the talk about their fictional childhood crushes. It was so funny and it was nice to see this ‘fun' side of them and really do know how to bring out the best in each other. My favorite part was when Heather got Jake flustered when she guessed that Wonder Woman's was Jake's childhood crush because of her magic lasso and Jake thinking that it was because of her dark hair and blue eyes.

I love how EJ and Heather got to know each other before the bombs and how EJ just seemed to know that Heather was the girl for Jake.  I'm glad that Heather was able to tell Jake just how much he met to his grandfather. Jake was certainly fishing for information about Hamilton. I have to say that Heather did an excellent job of side stepping his question about the relationship she had with him. I also liked Jake's teasing of Heather when he used ‘the committee of horses' to try and get Heather to tell him what to do and the story about the pigs which never really got told.

The scene in New Bern provided and interested contrast to the scene at the ranch with Jake and Heather.  Hamilton's reaction to the town looking like so many others he's been through and the fact that he had grown accustomed to the devastation was in interesting commentary I thought.  I liked getting some insight into Ted's thoughts about what happened to Heather. I do like how you ended this part with Hamilton wondering what was in the letter to Ted and what it was about New Bern that Heather frightened along with the assertion that New Bern didn't look so ordinary anymore.

The horse-back riding lesson was my favorite part of this chapter. With all the detail and description you but into it I could see the whole scene play out in my mind. I loved how you ended this part of the chapter with the question ‘What am I going to do to you?"

I really like the bonding moments between Heather and Jake in this chapter and look forward to reading more.

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Author's Response:

Thank you for your comments, Skyrose.  I definitely wanted Jake and Heather to have the opportunity to get away from the craziness going on in the world around them.  We could call this chapter the calm before the storm.  It's an opportunity for them to explore exactly what they mean to each other, get to know one another better, and compare notes on Emily.

Re: Emily, I agree with you that she was counting on Heather's loyalty.  The funny (ironic, not haha) thing is that if Emily hadn't tried to manipulate the situation or steer Heather away from Jake, Heather would have kept her distance from Jake.  She would never have allowed the thought to enter her mind in a serious way that there could be something special between Jake and herself.  However, with Emily trying to stake her claim on Jake, she's essentially revealed the weakness of their relationship.

Thank you again!

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 24 Oct 2008 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 11, Part C

A wonderful chapter. I really enjoy the insights into the characters that you weave into the plot.

I think your did an excellent job with Emily. I normally feel very ambivalent toward Emily but I found myself really feeling sorry for her for deluding herself into thinking that the only way she can be happy is if things were the same with Jake as they were before he left. 

As always I liked all the interactions between Jake and Heather. All the detail you use to describe how they are feeling and what they are doing really makes you see the scene unfold in your mind.  I just loved that Jake asked Heather to dance to create a happy memory for her and the feelings the dance invoked in both of them.  I was happy to see that Heather opened up to Jake about her parents and just as happy to see how Jake listened to her and found the right words to make her feel better. It's a side of Jake that we don't normally see.  I enjoyed the unexpected tie (I think!) between Heather and Jake's family, as I'm assuming it was Johnston who was Heather's father's army buddy who stood up for him. Most of all I was glad to see a willingness on Jake's part to take the necessary steps to ensure his happiness to see Heather finally acknowledge her feelings for Jake .

I liked the whole scene between Hamilton and Buchs. You really got me to like Buchs only to kill him off in the next scene. I am very interested in seeing what Buchs' death plays in your story in upcoming chapters.

Gail was great in this chapter. I also think that it must have been very difficult for Emily to admit to Gail that she was unhappy.  I also thought it very in character to blame Jake (maybe if he'd open up to her more,  involve her in his life like he use to) and not to realize that she played a part in making their relationship work. I like the wisdom of Gail's word when she told Emily that she needs to look to herself to find her happiness.  I was also happy to see Gail making the point that there was no way Emily's relationship with Jake can be compared with her's and Johnston's.

I am very much looking forward to the next chapter.

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Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your comments, Skyrose. 

You know how I feel about the character of Emily.  It's sometimes difficult for me to not be heavyhanded where her characterization is involved.  I'm glad she came across as someone who can inspire a reaction of sympathy.  Her situation--albeit it partly of her making--really is not an envious one.  Gail is a far better woman that I am.  She got her point across to Emily without tearing into her. 

In many ways, I viewed the Jake/Heather interaction here as being a build block for them, as well as a calm before the storm.  They've known that there is a pull to the other, but here are finally getting a chance to explore that. 

Poor Buchs.  He never stood much of a chance, did he?  I guess that's just another reminder that life is sometimes quite cruel.  I suppose it wouldn't be spoiling the story too much to say that his murder was never about him, though his death will figure prominently in what is to occur.

Thank you again!

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 05 Jan 2009 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 12, Part B

Very intriguing!
The first paragraph hooked me in and left me wondering exactly what Heather did in New Bern that she is worried about Beck arresting her and using her to set an example.

I really enjoyed the interaction between Heather and the two soldiers who were ordered to fixed Charlotte. What I particularly liked about it was the inclusion of, I think, Chavez (a.k.a. Parker). I am interested in seeing if Heather is going to call Beck on why he asked the soldiers to help her when he already knew about her mechanical abilities.

I like the interaction between Jake and Beck. It may be wishful thinking on my part but I got the impression that they were both trying to size each other up with Beck failing miserably and while Jake saw Beck for what he is. I'm interesting in seeing both Gail's and Heather's reaction when Jake tells him he's now sheriff.
I think you captured Gail perfectly - her scene with Heather was my favorite part. I am really enjoying seeing their relationship develop. I enjoyed the back story you gave Johnston and Gail, similar in some ways to Jake and Heather's story. I think that she tried to draw parallels from her story and what she sees as Jake's and Heather's story to let Heather know that she is not alone and to give her some hope. I especially liked how Gail hooked her arm in Heather's not only to comfort Heather but to comfort herself.

I did feel bad for Hamilton in this part, not knowing that his friend, Buchs, is dead and having to institute a search for him.
The ending left me really intrigued about what the brother and sister team are going to do next.

Quote:
 The private opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, and shut his mouth again. Lieutenant Parker looked on, a bemused expression crossing his features, one that surprised Heather considering the importance of protocol. Heather knew all too well the value placed upon rules, regulation, and propriety; her time at Camp Hayward had been an opener, indeed.
No wonder Parker (a.k.a. Chavez) irreverence to protocol appropriate here, afterall, he knows that the government in Cheyenne is not the true government.

Quote:
Each passing day was minutely easier than the previous but the throbbing she felt was still so palpable and yet her situation so surreal.
I like this insight into Gail's grief and the reality of the statement.

Quote:
 "Good. I want to see Jake happy. Heather, first loves aren't always lifelong loves. Jake knows this, though it's taken him a long time to get to the point where he's willing to act on that."
I really like the message that Gail is giving Heather here. I also thought it was well said.

I really enjoyed this part and I'm looking forward to what's coming next.

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Author's Response:

Thank you for your comments, Skyrose.  I was hoping that the readers would catch on that Parker was Chavez, but I didn't want to beat people over the head with it.  So I'm glad you noticed. :) 

Jake and Beck are definitely trying to size each other up.  Neither trusts the other, but they also realize that the other holds something they each want.  Beck would provide Jake with information that may be pertinent to Hawkins, the future of Jericho, and beyond.  Jake is "the guy" that Beck has to win over because Jake wields so much influence over the townspeople.  Beck's primary goal is restoring order, and if he has Jake's cooperation, he feels he's more likely to have that order he wants.  I guess you could say that they're using each other, though Beck is less aware of this mutualism than Jake is.

 

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 07 Jul 2008 Title: Chapter 5: Part 11E

Another great chapter (I should say part of a chapter!). I always enjoy the interaction between Jake and Heather. The reactions of Johnston and Drake to Heather's hope that she and Jake would make an early night of it were amusing. I especially liked Johnston's comment that about finally understanding why Gramps refused to get a hearing aid at the end.I also liked the tidbit about how Gramps let Jake and Heather have the whole second floor when they were living at the ranch and how it related to Heather's and Jake's flirting in the present day.I just loved that Jake made it clear to Emily not to hurt Heather or try and come between them. I sometimes wonder when Emily is going to realize that Jake is never going back to her.

The reunion scene at the airport five years ago was very good. Other than the 'love yous', my favorite part of the scene was Jake's post-flight check when he was 'looking for brothers'. Like most fights, I think, Jake and Heather's argument was over something really silly. Heather has been so busy with the stuff going on at school I imagine that alot of what she said to Jake was due to stress more than anything else. I just can't help but think if she wasn't so stressed that she may have had a slightly different point of view in regards to Jake's Christmas Party. Your summary of Heather's week was really good and you definitely got the feeling at the end of it that Heather was beginning to wig out. I really like how Jake always seemed to be supportive and helpful during the week. I really like that you went into a little detail about what they wore to dinner with April and Eric. I especially liked the detail of Heather dressing Jake down by removing his tie when he picked her up for dinner. Poor Heather getting carded at dinner, I'm sure this added a little bit to the stress she was feeling. My favorite part of dinner was the 'fork fight' over the bread pudding between Jake and Heather. The other part I like was the contrast between this 'fight' and Eric and April politely sharing their cheesecake. I just thought it spoke to the difference in Heather and Jake's and April and Eric's relationships. Poor Jake and Heather they really want to spend the night together. I like that Jake recognized that that night wasn't the night and his thoughts that he wanted to take his time with her, wanted them both to enjoy it. I also like the little added detail of him thinking that he didn't want his first time with her to be in a hotel room.

In the scene with the refugees, I could just feel the tension in April when Mary approach her with the list of the injured. In a way, I don't blame Mary for scowling when Eric said 'Uh, yeah, sort of' to Drake's statement to him that he was Eric's husband. That reply from Eric didn't surprise me, it seemed just like him. I laughed when Jake made the comment about Bill having earned himself a permenant daytime shift. Seems like it was a little perk for supporting Gray in the election. Poor Jimmy being stuck on nights now. I really liked Johnston's comment about how April may just end up running a medical school when he found out that another medical student came in with the refugees. It reminded me when it first came up when Michael, Drake and Jeff first arrived in Jericho.I really liked how you wrote Roger. I got the sense that he's still a little disoriented especially when he got up to go to the church with the refugees and Emily had to remind him that he was home now.

A very well done chapter. I always look forward to reading your story!I am looking forward to the next part!

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 07 Sep 2008 Title: Chapter 1: Part 12A

 

I really enjoy the detail you put into both the present day scenes and the scenes 5 years ago. It really adds a lot of insight into your story. I really like what the details tell us about the character's personalities.

I liked reading about the town meeting and wasn't surprised that one of the first thing that Gray did as mayor was to remove Heather from her position as leader of the Technical Solutions Team.  I really liked how you personalized the deaths from the cold weather by having the Berry's living across the street from her when she lived on Green Street and by having Mr. Berry bringing her vegetables from his garden and helping her shovel her driveway when it snowed.  I think it made the scene a lot more realistic.

The story that the boys told about the newborn baby was really sad. It also goes a long way in explaining why Drake is the way he is. I felt very sad for both Drake and Beth. I liked the contrast between the relative safety of Jericho and the reality of the outside world that the story provided. After hearing Roger talk about Black Jack and this story, I was with Jake that Heather should not go to Black Jack.

I just love the way you right April. I'm very happy to be getting to know her from your story and wish they developed her character more on the show.  She is such a good friend to Heather. I loved the whole scene between Heather and April but I do have to say my favorite part was the birth of the "It ain't easy being Green Club.' I especially liked how April called Gramps to let him know that Heather was on her way.

I liked the contrast between the scene with April and Heather and the scene with Emily and Heather.  I think that Emily finally has realized that Jake is no longer ‘available' and is trying to comfort Heather in typical Emily fashion.  I think she is trying to use her own experience and views of the world to try and help Heather and is not being very successful.  I like how you included Heather's  thoughts about how she would have lost so much if she didn't trusting Jake all those years ago despite Emily trying to warn her off.

The scene with Johnston telling Jake that he wanted to go to Black Jack was my favorite scene in the episode. I liked the additional conversation you added between Jake and Johnston about Heather's thoughts on going to Black Jack.

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Author's Response:

Thank you for your detailed comments, Skyrose, both here and during the beta process.  Your gentle nudges and questions about why so-and-so is doing such-and-such really help improve this story. :-)

 

The story that the boys told about the newborn baby was really sad. It also goes a long way in explaining why Drake is the way he is. I felt very sad for both Drake and Beth. I liked the contrast between the relative safety of Jericho and the reality of the outside world that the story provided.

 I do think that Jericho is a safer place than most of the world around them.  It's important that her citizens realize this fact, and that they work to protect what they have.  You're also correct in that Drake is still reeling from what he witnessed, and the guilt he feels for "allowing" it to happen.  But now that the Greens know, I think they'll be able to better support and nurture him.  I'm still hoping for a happy ending for Drake, but only time will tell!

 

I just love the way you right April. I'm very happy to be getting to know her from your story and wish they developed her character more on the show.  She is such a good friend to Heather. I loved the whole scene between Heather and April but I do have to say my favorite part was the birth of the "It ain't easy being Green Club.'

 I'm willing (reluctantly) to admit that my version of April probably isn't the version any of the Jericho writers had in mind, but I love her and have really enjoyed developing her and getting to know her, even if she's nowhere near canon anymore.  Honestly, I always thought that the "It Aint Easy Bein' Green" club really was a figment of Jake's imagination, but it's really too good to pass up isn't it?  It will have to remain a top secret, clandestine organization naturally. ;-)

 

I liked the contrast between the scene with April and Heather and the scene with Emily and Heather.  I think that Emily finally has realized that Jake is no longer 'available' and is trying to comfort Heather in typical Emily fashion.  I think she is trying to use her own experience and views of the world to try and help Heather and is not being very successful.  I like how you included Heather's  thoughts about how she would have lost so much if she didn't trusting Jake all those years ago despite Emily trying to warn her off.

 The fact that the two scenes come so close together was a bit of a happy accident, but I think they really improve one another, so that's good.  I wrote this with the idea that Emily really was trying to help with no ulterior motive, as well as with the idea that Emily did realize that Jake was unavailable, even before Roger showed up.  But we never really know where someone else is coming from and this is an instance where Heather's interpretation was a little off (though still valid given her past experience!)  As for Heather's thoughts, I couldn't resist the chance to comment a little on how her character was basically dismissed  from the story during this episode, and then all but forgotten - a fate that will not occur here in Different Circumstances!

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 07 Sep 2008 Title: Chapter 3: Part 12C

Very good and great attention to detail, as usual!

I just love the note that Jake put under the pillow for Heather to find. The fact that Jake could draw a perfect Cessna but then only draw stick figures of himself, Heather and B.G. was not only amusing but not surprising. I liked the description of how Heather and Gail could tell which stick figure was the baby because it was half the size of the others and had a bonnet, rattle and diaper. So cute! I did really like the story of how the note that Jake left under the pillow was reminiscent of other drawings that had shown up on Grandpa Green's fax machine over the years.  My favorite part of the scene was Gail talking to B.G. and how chose this spot to tell us that Jake talks to the baby about what seems to be everything and anything.

I like Gramps as the one man ‘vice and virtue squad'. I do have to say he is very good at it.  I definitely enjoyed all the mush in this part of the chapter. My favorite in this part was Heather's realization that Jake had a sentimental streak when she noticed the pictures on his dresser along with the smoothed out napkin with the doodles on it. I thought it was great how Jake opened the door just has Gramps was starting to knock on it.

In Black Jack, I thought Jake's split second surprise at being propositioned was telling on how just how much their world has changed. I thought that Jake's thoughts about how the drug and sex trade went hand in hand emphasized this point. Jake being more surprised that Michael had answered for them both I thought was very telling of how much Michael has changed since the bombs went off.  I like the contrast you provided in what the buildings were once used for before the bombs and what purposes they serve now. I really felt bad for those two women being escorted by the three stone-faced men and found it a little ominous that there was simply nothing that Michael or Jake could say. I do have to say I really like how you substituted Mindy for Heather in this scene. I'm looking forward to learning more about Mindy.

I like the conversation between Gail, Jake, Gramps and Heather around the table while Jake was eating his chili. Gail's raised eyebrow when Jake said he knew exactly what cereal was in Heather's cupboard and Heather not being sure what to make of her expression made me think that Gail doesn't quite yet feel comfortable with Gail.  The little conversation on the casting of Heather's Christmas play just made me laugh. I also laughed when Heather told Gramps that Jake thought he was trying to steal Heather away from him and at Gramps acknowledgment that he was. I just all the detail you provided on the cast and why they were chosen and I liked the fact that the cast included children that really didn't fit the picture what you would picture the characters to look like. My favorite part of this whole scene was when Jake and Heather were on the porch.  I just loved Jake's comment about the kiss being practice, Heather's reply that it better be good and then Jake saying it wasn't all on him to make it a great kiss and that he expected some participation from Heather. I really liked all the mush in this scene and certainly wasn't surprised when it was Gramps who found them. I really like how Gramps calls it canoodling.

The last scene in Black Jack, I thought, really highlighted the underlying tension New Bern has toward Jericho. Russell does appear to be very close mouthed on what's going in New Bern in a way that has me suspicious. I like the attention you paid to detail in this part. My favorite bit of detail was how they had to ‘move out of the ‘store', wending their way through a maze of PVC pipe barriers that looked like over-sized sawhorses constructed out of white twigs'. From what I assume is Mindy's personality I think that she and Ted are complete opposites and I wonder if their relationship will survive all that is going to happen.  I do like the little story of how Mindy used to torture Jake. I really like how you intersperse these little stories about the characters that help the reader get to know them better.  I like the story about what happened to Mags and Colleen. It helped to understand why Mindy made a new life for herself in New Bern.  The close mouthed Russell has me thinking that he knows a lot more about what's going on in New Bern then Mindy and Ted.  I can't help but wonder what kind of a hold New Bern has over him.

I'm looking forward to your next installment!

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Author's Response:

Thanks for all your feedback!  I'll just respond to a few things...

In Black Jack, I thought Jake's split second surprise at being propositioned was telling on how just how much their world has changed. I thought that Jake's thoughts about how the drug and sex trade went hand in hand emphasized this point. Jake being more surprised that Michael had answered for them both I thought was very telling of how much Michael has changed since the bombs went off.  I like the contrast you provided in what the buildings were once used for before the bombs and what purposes they serve now.

 Michael is definitely wise to the world these days.  I rather miss the happy-go-lucky baby brother, so we'll see if he lets me give him some of that feeling back over time.  And thanks for commenting on the transformed fairgrounds, it's something I really had to think about, and I hope it all rang true.

 

I do have to say I really like how you substituted Mindy for Heather in this scene. I'm looking forward to learning more about Mindy.

 The last scene in Black Jack, I thought, really highlighted the underlying tension New Bern has toward Jericho. Russell does appear to be very close mouthed on what's going in New Bern in a way that has me suspicious. From what I assume is Mindy's personality I think that she and Ted are complete opposites and I wonder if their relationship will survive all that is going to happen.  I do like the little story of how Mindy used to torture Jake. I really like how you intersperse these little stories about the characters that help the reader get to know them better.  I like the story about what happened to Mags and Colleen. It helped to understand why Mindy made a new life for herself in New Bern.  The close mouthed Russell has me thinking that he knows a lot more about what's going on in New Bern then Mindy and Ted.  I can't help but wonder what kind of a hold New Bern has over him.

 I have been working for awhile on how to get all my minor characters into both timelines, if only for a moment, so I was glad to realize that Mindy could be in New Bern.  It opens up all kinds of possibilities for me, and it will be interesting to see which ones win!  As for our other friends from New Bern... they're quite interesting to explore. ;-)  Mindy is a little more driven than Ted, but then again, opposites do attract.  As for Russell, the possibilities are endless, I'd say!  (How's that for leaving you in suspense?)

 Thank you so much for taking the time to review, and for your help on the earlier drafts.

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 26 Oct 2008 Title: Chapter 5: Part 12E

Another great installment. I really like the added detail and insight you provided in the scene at the railroad tracks and later when the men return to Jericho. I also think that your integration of the Mike and Mindy in these scenes is seamlessly done, it's like they were always part of the story.

Quote:
They drove until they crossed the border and were back in Kansas, more than two hours after they'd escaped the fairgrounds by the skin of their teeth.  Russell didn't seem interested in stopping - and his truck would have taken the brunt of the damage - and Jake sure as hell wasn't either.  So they kept going.  It was dark by the time they pulled off the highway somewhere outside Oberlin, Russell finally stopping near an abandoned rail spur.  They climbed out of the vehicles, limbs shaking with the pent up tension of the past few hours, and found themselves in the hulking shadows of a pair of dead locomotives, a number of looted boxcars, and most oddly a rotary snowplow despite the fact that the bombs had gone off in September.
I really like the time you spent on detailing the scene at the railroad tracks that we saw on the show and the additional description on the characters. I think it was very effective in setting up this part of your story and also served as a sign of things to come.

I do like how we got to know Mindy in this part. The story about how she sold Johnston fifty dollars worth of Girl Scout Cookies and the attendance of Mags, Colleen and Mindy to Jake's wedding provided some relief to an otherwise serious story. It also made me think again of how friends and neighbors can be torn apart because of war. I can certainly understand her logic as to why she doesn't want to come back to Jericho because her life is in New Bern now. I'm very interested in seeing what part she plays in upcoming chapters of your story.

Not only did I like the detail that went into the story about Costco but I liked the analogy you drew between the incident at Costco and Murthy's Oil. I think the experiences would be similar in towns across the country and I liked how this highlighted it. 

Quote:
"Sheriff Constantino got his card out of his wallet and threw it down on the table.  'Sell her the damn medicine,' that's what he said," she chuckled humorlessly.  "And, that's when I knew.  I couldn't hide behind company policy, and who cared anyway? 
This made me see Constantino in a different light until I read ....

Quote:           
But then Sheriff Constantino called him an idiot and told him he was fired, and then he said I was hired.  He was the one with the gun, so that pretty much put him in charge, right?"

Jake nodded, his lips pursed.  "Yeah, that's how it usually works."
Not only do I like the commentary here, it makes me change my mind about seeing Constantino in a different light. It makes me think that maybe he had an ulterior motive - to inspire loyalty from the people of New Bern - for getting the manager of Costco to sell the girl the medicine for her baby.

Poor, miserable Jake. He's such a needy patient but I think he rather enjoys Heather waiting on him.  I do like Heather rushed over to the ranch to take care of him it just goes to show how much she cares for him.

I just love Gramps in this chapter. I think there's nothing more Gramps wants then to see Jake settle down with Heather. The fact that he thinks that she is good for her grandson is very evident in your story. I just love the story that Gramps told Heather about Susie when she was sick and insisted on him reading her 'The Color Kittens'. It was such a poignant story and the fact the Gramps told Heather, I think, spoke to how much he likes and respects her. I also liked the insight into Heather's thoughts - about her relationship with Jake - after Gramps told her the story.

I really liked the scene at the Greens when they held the open house. I could imagine being there.  I could just imagine Bonnie, Skylar and Bonnie rounding up the children to slide down the stairs on the sleeping bag.  And it was just like Skylar to deny that she had any part in the plot.  The story about how Stanley dragged Heather over the mistletoe and made a big show about kissing her and Jake's glowering was just so funny. The whole scene was very enjoyable.

I liked how you provided a very plausible explanation as to why Jake tried to drive through the gate when he knew the car wouldn't fit. I found it very believable.
I really like how you wrote Dale and Skylar. They are showing some real growth. The fact that Skylar can empathize with Dale and recognizes that what happened wasn't fair to Dale especially shows some growth. They have both have become wiser but I think they still have a way to go as they muddle through trying to make sense of all that has happened.

I am very much looking forward to the next chapter!

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Author's Response:

Thanks for your review, Skyrose!  Sorry for taking so long to respond.

I'm glad that you think Mindy and Mike fit into Black Jack reasonably well.  I did wonder if I should eliminate Mike from New Bern completely, but it would have been too confusing to have two Mikes, and besides I wanted to keep the parties the same size.  I'm glad it works.  As for Mindy, don't worry, we haven't seen the last of her.

As for Constantino, don't get too comfortable about him.  I don't see any rehabilitation in his future, but there had to be a reasion for Mindy to work with him and in fact become one of his trusted lieutenants.  We will be seeing more of Constantino, too, I promise.

Jake is miserable, but I also agree that he enjoys being babied when it's Heather doing the babying.  She likes taking care of him too. :-)  Gramps is rather partisan, isn't he?  He wants what is best for his gransdon is all, and he agrees wholeheartedly with those of us who think that's Heather.  I'm glad, too, that you enjoyed hearing more about poor Susie Green.  There's a definite hole in Gramps heart still where he still misses his daughter.  I've no doubt that after that conversation Heather found a copy of "The Color Kittens" so don't be surprised if she's reading it to B.G. in a few years. :-)

Lastly, thanks for letting me know that you found my foray into Dale/Skylar interesting.  I find them to be intriguing, so much like trying to explain Eric and April, I can't help but indulge in a little Dale/Skylar occasionally. 

Thanks again for taking the time to review!

 

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 07 Sep 2008 Title: Chapter 4: Evening

Morning:  I found this story very interesting as Stanley and Hawkins never really interacted on the show. I really like the description in the first paragraph and how it set the scene for the story.  You presented a side of Hawkins that we have only glimpses of in the show. I really like the changes I see in him. I got the feeling that he is in a state of flux right now, trying to figure out the best way to balance his ‘work’ life and ‘family’ life.  I thought the story showed some just home much the town has come to mean to Hawkins. I couldn't help but feel for Stanley as he struggles with dealing with his grief over Bonnie's death and his need to live a normal life.  

Noon: Another great story! I was happy to see that the town added the war and what came after to the founder's day play.  I liked how heartfelt the story was and how you added some levity to the seriousness to the story with the conversation between Mimi and Jake. I really liked the image I got in my mind of Johnston standing in the midst of all the coats looking down talking to Jake.  

Afternoon: All I could think of is this is how legends are made. I liked how the ‘ghost’ stories embellished on the truth and how it contrasted to what Sam knew to be the truth. I liked how Emily seemed to be in charge of the training program. 

Evening: I thought how your portrayed Emily, her not wanting to mourn Jonah and trying to convince herself of that was very real. I think despite her, 'dislike' for Jonah and he stands for in her eyes, she does, in a way, love him. I just loved that Kenchy was the one to get Emily to bring her to Bailey's. I've always felt that there was some attraction between the two of them when I saw them at Bailey's on the day that was supposed to be Emily's wedding day.  Your Kenchy was so in character - I could picture him saying and doing the things he did in this story.  

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Author's Response:

Thanks Skyrose!

The image of Johnston in the coat closet was my starting point for that portion of the story. The 'legends being created' aspect of Afternoon was something I really wanted to explore, and I found it fun and interesting to do so. Thank you for your feedback- I really appreciate it!

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 25 Oct 2008 Title: Chapter 2: Part Two: Mary Bailey's Lonely Hearts Club

I am totally hooked on this story. The detail you provide really makes the story come alive in my mind. The Jericho without Jake that you have created is very believable. I think this is because that you have kept the characters very true to character. A couple of things that stood out for me were:

• April dying defending her patients from Ravenwood.
• The detail in the description that Jericho that Jake saw as he looked up and down the street and how the reference to New Bern gave me a good visual in my mind of how it looked.
• The description of Baileys and how run down it has become only because I think in the show the bar was a source of pride for Mary. I think it demonstrates just how ambivalent she has become about what's going on. It also left me wondering what was going on with Eric and Mary's relationship.
• How Jake is depending on Freddie to help him make sense of this new Jericho
• The humor that Freddie adds to the story
• Mimi at the bar drowning her sorrows, probably regretting being in town and not at the Richmond Farm
• The story of Gray's 'rise to power' and how his actions seem to be a little inspired by Constantino (the except being that I think Gray has a conscious) 

I couldn't help but feel a little worried about Gail and Eric. Although, I admire how they want to pay tribute to April by being at the med center all the time, I get they are doing it at great sacrifice to their personal lives.

 A great chapter and just like the last one leaves me wanting more.

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Author's Response:

Thanks!

I really wanted to leave the characters true to themselves because they are still essentially themselves, just facing different circumstances. Jake's absence has a ripple effect on everyone, but they are still the same people reacting to this new world.

You're very right about Bailey's, it's kind of an outer representation of Mary's inner feelings, and as she's let go of a lot of self-worth here, she's let the bar go too.

Mimi's regretting being in town, but she's regretting being anywhere at this point. She's had to deal with losing everything from her former life, but she never really found anything to ground her in this world, so she's lost and drifting by the time we meet her.

I agree that Gray has a conscience. He started out with good intentions, to protect the town, but things have gotten quite out of hand.

Thanks for taking time to read and comment!

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 07 Dec 2008 Title: Chapter 4: Part Four: Dream Believer and a Homecoming

This part left me on pins and needles and definitely wanting more! 

I really felt a sense of desperation in both Gail and Eric in this part. Both are sacrificing their lives and taking on caregiver roles for two different reasons I think. Gail because she feels that by taking on April's work she can somehow fix things – give meaning to April's death. Eric, on the other hand, is doing it in a sense to protect Gail. I don't think at this point she realizes that he had an affair with Mary and he wants to maintain this image of a 'happy' family for his mother. Since Gail has come to identify so much with April in this world, Eric realizes that finding out about the affair would crush her and he can't do that to her.

I really felt for Eric having to tell Jake about the bus. The missing kids and what happened to Stacy really pulled at my heart. Poor Heather! It's just like her to go to great lengths to protect her kids even if it hurts her. I'm so worried about how this incident affected her.

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Author's Response:

Thanks for reading and reviewing Skyrose!

Your assessments of Gail and Eric are correct. Gail's devotion to her patients is her way of coping with all the loss she has sustained and she has built up the idea for herself that she can somehow make up for it all in carrying on April's cause. Eric's also a devoted caregiver, but he focuses on Gail herself. Really, he's trying to hold the family together, himself and Gail in reality as well as the idea of the family they once were, when Johnston and April were alive. This is why he still protects the secret of his affair with Mary - he doesn't want to destroy this somewhat idealized image of their family to which he and Gail cling. It likely would upset Gail a lot to find out, as you're right, she does identify with April so much. And Eric did love Mary, and has had to cut a huge part of himself off basically, as much as he can, so he can uphold 'the family'.

Thanks again!

 

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed
Date: 19 Jan 2009 Title: Chapter 6: Part Six: Leader of the Pack

Although I was sad to see the changes in Stanley in this part, I was also glad that despite what he had been through I was able to see glimpses of the old Stanley. Although this may sound a little strange, I felt oddly comforted by the fact that he had Bonnie for company, if only spirit.  I think the resentment that Stanley has toward the town for abandoning him is justified.  Despite how he feels about the town, I got the sense when he was talking to Jake that he felt a little guilty that the Green's maybe one of the ones not eating because his farm was no longer a food source. I felt a little hope in Stanley when he asked Jake if he saw Mimi and then wanted to know if she was okay. I especially liked how Jake couldn't bring himself to destroy his hope by telling him the message that Mimi asked him to deliver.

Nice job!

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Author's Response:

I think you're right about Stanley. As tragic as it is to see him reduced to talking to ghosts of family members not there, in a strange way, he is a little better off than some of the other characters who haven't given up their grip on reality, and so, see it for all its grimness. He has cut himself off as a survival mechanism, a little bit like Emily does in the next chapter, but he does feel guilty when he thinks of those friends of his in town. He usually tries not to picture them, however, knowing their present is probably bleak.

He definitely wants to ask, yet doesn't want to know, how badly off Mimi is. Jake just couldn't bear to give him that dose of reality.

Thanks for your review!