Penname: Penny Lane [Contact] Real name:
Member Since: 17 Jun 2008
Membership status: Member
Bio:

 


"Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes..."


-The Beatles


Gender: female
Expertise In: Post-apocalyptic dream interpretation
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Reviews by Penny Lane
Dangerous by SandraDee Rated: T (Contains Content Not Suitable for Children) [Reviews - 50]
Summary: FeatureFollowing the war with New Bern, Jericho's citizens strive to put their lives back together.  However, they soon discover that not everything is as it seems, both within their new government and on the homefront.
Categories: Jake/Heather
Characters: Heather Lisinski, Jake Green
Episode/Spoilers For: 1.20 - One If By Land, 1.21 - Coalition of the Willing, 1.22 - Why We Fight
Genres: Drama, Romance
Series: None
Chapters: 22 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 129649 Read Count: 1043079
[Report This] Published: 10 Jun 2008 Updated: 06 Nov 2011
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 09 Nov 2009 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 15

Wow!

What an intense chapter. I am not sure where to begin, but here goes...

First I want to talk about Maggie. I found Maggie to be a fascinating character on the show. Really, I think she's the most vulnerable character we ever saw because she has no home and no one who cares if she lives or dies, and pretty much every other character has at least one of those two things. I really liked how you chose to develop her here. I really really felt for her, her story is so tragic, and I wanted to cheer when she spotted one of our troublesome twins at work. Hopefully she will get a chance to finally do something about Nate, fight back and assert her own power over the situation, and inadvertantly, help our heros.

I also liked Dale in this part, picking up on the weird vibe/ suspiciousness of 'Wilma'. I think he's very good at reading people and dealing with/recognizing  the darker side of humanity, in a way. You show him having developed the shrewd survival skills that help him flourish in the new world.

The exchange between Kenchy and Emily was entertaining, and a nice contrast to the other relationships we see here. Poor Kenchy and his weakness for redheads...though he did say once that he liked blonds too.

I'm not sure what to say about Emily. I feel for her. She's angry and hurt, and whatever the reasons may be, it's understandable. I don't think she'd consciously choose the role of villain catalyst that she's gotten into here, but she's totally clouded by what's going on in her immediate moment at hand. If/when she does realize the role she's played in this plot, I hope....I'm not sure what to hope, that she learns something I suppose.

I'm still enjoying watching our villains at work (well, you know, not enjoying, except in an intrigued while watching the twisted villains sort of way) because they're interesting and I know (am fairly certain) that they will be foiled in their attempts to avenge their father.

I look forward to the next part!



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your comments, PennyLane!  As a writer, it was interesting to delve into the character of Maggie.  You're correct; she's quite vulnerable.  Who is there to look out for her?  Even those who helped her did so for their own purposes.  It wasn't for her, per se, but because she fit into some needs of theirs.  Looking back, the desperation evident when Jake and Eric encountered her again in New Bern really captured my imagination, so that particular backstory was developed. 

Dale is, I think, one of the most dynamic characters we saw on Jericho.  Not that anyone remained unchanged, but he went from being an unassuming stock boy to a power player.  I remembered before G. Leigh died, he was always watching what was going on around him.  Those who observe people tend to be able to sniff out the phonies. 

Regarding Emily, she's pretty much in a tailspin and not thinking clearly.  Even Kenchy with his raging hormones can spot the holes in Wilma's story.  Emily's a smart girl, but she's not thinking right now and it may cost those around her.  I agree with you that she wouldn't choose the role of mustache (or hair extension) twirling villain.  Generally, people don't know that they've crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed until they're already on the other side.  When Emily has time to reflect with a clearer head about that conversation, it's going to be a tough realization.

Thank you again!  I always enjoy reading your reactions. :)

Different Circumstances, Part 11 by Marzee Doats Rated: T (Contains Content Not Suitable for Children) [Reviews - 9]
Summary:

What if circumstances were different, and Jake and Heather had met long before the school bus? An alternate version of Jericho in which Jake and Heather are married and expecting. A re-telling of the Jericho episodes Vox Populi and The Day Before.


Categories: Green Family, Jake/Heather
Characters: April Green, Bill, Dale Turner, Emily Sullivan, Eric Green, Gail Green, Gray Anderson, Heather Lisinski, Jake Green, Johnston Green, Jonah Prowse, Mary Bailey, Roger Hammond
Episode/Spoilers For: 1.11 - Vox Populi, 1.12 - The Day Before
Genres: Alternate Universe, Drama, Romance
Series: Different Circumstances
Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 62150 Read Count: 201011
[Report This] Published: 26 Jun 2008 Updated: 26 Jun 2008
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 29 Jun 2008 Title: Chapter 5: Part 11E

 

I almost missed this chapter, so when I finally realized it was up, it was like a pleasant surprise. It was wonderful! 

The beginning scene, in Bailey's, was interesting. I felt like there was a lot of unsaid stuff going on between the characters, and a really uncomfortable atmosphere.

Emily, her face burning, didn't respond. Staring straight ahead, she willed Jake away, but he didn't go. She looked down at the bar, noting how he clenched his hand around his empty glass so tightly she was surprised he hadn't managed to break it. Mary appeared before them - from where, Emily didn't know - and she let out her breath, grateful for her friend's presence.

"Who needs a refill?" Bailey's proprietress practically sang, beaming at them both. "Jake?"

"No thanks," he muttered, pulling his glass away before she could pour him another drink. "I need to talk to Eric. And - trust me - he wants to talk to me. But I'm leavin' in two minutes," Jake warned.

Mary's grin faltered a bit. "He'll be right in," she told him. "He's just - just checking on the generator for me," she muttered, pouring for Emily who'd shoved her glass toward Mary, thumping it on the bar in a wordless demand for more.

Long quote, I know, but I think it best shows what I mean. I like the way you've set up the exchanges in this scene, between Jake, Emily, Mary, and Eric.

As for the pre-bombs scenes- I love the story-telling choices you made for this chapter. Beginning with that sweet airport scene between Jake and Heather, and this line:

"Thank you," Heather murmured, beaming at him. "It's great to be home," she declared, savoring the words - the thought - for a moment while she rearranged her coat, which was draped over her arm, so she could hold the bouquet and still have one hand free. She really was home, Heather realized, her smile growing. As much as Buffalo was her home and would always be the place where she'd grown up, it also felt absolutely right to be coming home to Kansas and to Jake. "I love you," she declared, taking a step toward him. "I just - I just love you."

(I really liked seeing Heather come to this realization as she arrives and sees Jake), and then going from that scene, dropping us right into the middle of their first big fight. It was really effective, and I couldn't wait to find out what they were talking about.

I wanted to read quickly through the next part, but of course, I got distracted by another scene I loved. I loved reading about Heather (and Stanley, Dale, Bonnie, Gail, and a reluctant Jake) being roped into putting on 'A Christmas Carol' (My favourite Christmas Story of all time). Having done the same thing once (as a student though, not a teacher conned into it at the last minute) the scene was very familiar to me, and I think you got the 'frantically preparing a school play' thing just right- though I suspect things would get a lot crazier the next week. I love that Dale is gamely doing his part (and playing the ghost of Christmas past), that Stanley is helping out (I can so imagine a group of eleven-year-old girls being excited to sit with him, and that he'd be glad to have Jake there for company), and most of all, Jake's reaction (and whirlwind introduction) to the completely alien world of grade school activities. It was cute, and funny, to see Jake taking part in Heather's world. And no wonder it makes her so upset when he won't invite her into his later.

 The restaurant scene was sweet, and an interesting contrast with the Bailey's scene at the beginning. In that scene, Jake and Eric seem so much older, with so many things having happened and such conflict between them. Such a difference from the simpler days, when this happened:

 The waiter had brought their coffee then, returning two minutes later with their desserts. They'd continued their conversation, turning to lighter subjects, as they'd all dug in. Eric and April had shared their cheesecake politely, both exclaiming over its flavor, while Jake and Heather had raced to see who could eat more of the bread pudding, dueling with their forks for bites. Watching them, April had laughed, rolling her eyes for Eric's benefit. "Oh! Good block, Heather," he'd complimented, laughing. "Watch out," Eric had warned next, pointing at Jake, "He's faking right, gonna go left."

I had to quote it- it made me laugh out loud.

Eric had been tasked with pouring wine for everyone, and he'd stopped behind Heather, withholding the bottle of cabernet and teasing, "I'm sorry, miss, but I'll need to see some ID."

This did too, though poor Heather. I know the feeling. (It's worse to get carded in your twenties here in Canada because it means they think you look eighteen)

I almost forgot, but this was one of my favourite lines of the whole chapter:

"Now, that's gotta rip some sorta hole in the space-time continuum," Eric had snorted, almost choking on a mouthful of wine. "I can think of four - maybe five - teachers who'll take Jake Green at a school staff party as a sign of the apocalypse," he'd joked.

As usual, I loved how you wrote the Green family, with the three generations eating and joking together. I knew, as I read this, that the conflict between Jake and Heather was probably going to be precipitated by something Gramps would say next, but I couldn't help it, I laughed really hard at this:

"I thought you were goin' to Denver for your office party on that Saturday," Grandpa had frowned. "It's the fifteenth, right? That's what your boss said when I talked to her the other day."

Jake had shot his grandfather an incredulous look. "You talked to Gretchen? Why?"

"She called the house and you weren't home," he'd explained with a shrug. "Delightful woman," he'd smiled. "Just the right amount of vinegar in that one, and smart as a whip to boot," Grandpa had chuckled, taking a bite of lasagna. "Anyway," he'd added a few seconds later, swallowing, "We had a nice little chat, 'bout a half hour."

I knew it would soon cause my favourite characters heartache, but I couldn't not laugh at the idea of Grandpa Green on the phone with Jake's boss for half an hour.

I felt for both of them, but I really felt for Heather in the fight that proceeded when they left the family dinner. I know that Jake had his reasons, and I know you'll probably expand on them in good time, but poor Heather...As I said earlier, she's completely invited him into her life (with the exception, maybe, of inviting him to meet her brothers). In this line, though, I could feel Jake's desperation too:

Before he could respond, Heather had stepped into the house, slamming the door and then, with much noise, bolted it shut. Staring blankly after her, it was a long moment before Jake could react. He tried knocking and rang the doorbell twice, but she ignored him, instead extinguishing all the lights at the front of the house. Finally, defeated, Jake staggered back to his car, throwing himself into the driver's seat. Irritation and panic warred for dominance in his mind, and he gave into the baser of his emotions, smashing his fist into the steering wheel. "God dammit," Jake swore, punching the wheel again.

I liked how, after reading about both happy and difficult moments in the past, we are brought back to the post-bombs world, to Bailey's once more. Seeing the parts of the Green family that have broken apart being forced to stay in the same vicinity really drives home how much things have changed. Jake and Heather seem closer than ever (I smiled at the fact that Jake always knows if she's in a room, right away), and Eric is at odds with the rest of the family because of what he's done.

She hadn't been in Bailey's for nearly a month, not since the fateful day that everything had changed. The second fateful day that everything had changed, Heather allowed, though Ravenwood, Eric's desertion of April, her fight with Jake - the most serious of their relationship - had, in some ways, been worse than seeing a mushroom cloud go up over Denver. It had certainly affected them all much more personally, rocking the Green family to its core. And now, it seemed that those days that changed everything just kept coming, what with the election, and now this.

In that paragraph, I think you describe everything that happened to the Green family so well. It's so true, that while the large scale destruction in the distance has impacted them significantly, the more commonplace disaster that has befallen the Green family has, in some ways, been even more difficult for them to handle. It's certainly changed their family dynamic more than the bombs did.

As usual, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait to see what you do with chapter twelve! (And I hope we get to hear a little more about the Christmas Carol Play. Maybe. Of course it is your story.)

 

Different Circumstances, Part 12 by Marzee Doats Rated: T (Contains Content Not Suitable for Children) [Reviews - 39]
Summary:

What if circumstances were different, and Jake and Heather had met long before the school bus? An alternate version of Jericho in which Jake and Heather are married and expecting. A re-telling of the Jericho episode Black Jack.


Categories: Green Family, Jake/Heather, Holidays > Christmas
Characters: April Green, Bill, Bonnie Richmond, Dale Turner, Emily Sullivan, Eric Green, Gail Green, Gray Anderson, Heather Lisinski, Jake Green, Jimmy Taylor, Johnston Green, Roger Hammond, Russell, Skylar Stevens, Stanley Richmond, Ted Lewis
Episode/Spoilers For: 1.13 - Black Jack
Genres: Alternate Universe, Drama, Romance
Series: Different Circumstances
Chapters: 6 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 66226 Read Count: 249583
[Report This] Published: 19 Jul 2008 Updated: 23 Nov 2008
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 23 Jul 2008 Title: Chapter 1: Part 12A

 Nice work, Marzee! I was so excited to see another chapter from you. Actually, our local paper reminded me of your story the other day- the front page of the lifestyle section said “Mairzy doats and dozey doats...” (it was an article about lambs being used to eat grape leaves at a winery) and I wondered when I'd get to read another chapter of your fantastic story and then here it is!

I was so interested to see how you would handle this part of the story. Black Jack was one of my favourite episodes of the whole series. Reading this first part, I was reminded both of some of my favourite parts of the original story (Johnston explaining why he'd asked permission to go Black Jack, everyone in town turning to 'volunteer' Jake) and also, the great additions you always make to the story in your DC universe.

I enjoyed your version of the town hall meeting. I was annoyed, but not surprised, that Gray would remove Heather from her position of leadership. It wouldn't really be a smooth regime change if he left one of the Greens in charge. I loved that tenuous, frantic feeling you captured in the E.J. Green Council Room. (Nice detail- but no wonder Gray feels threatened by the Greens. They're everywhere.) I loved the (mostly) unspoken challenges Gray is facing here as he tries to handle some of his first crises. I enjoyed this line in particular:

"I mean, this is a no-brainer," Jake argued, moving to stand behind his father's chair, as close as he could get to standing with Heather. "It's Kansas. We've got a lotta wind," he reminded, and once again the room was filled with soft, appreciative laughter.

"Well, we got a lotta hot air 'round here, anyway," somebody shouted.

"Practically an unlimited supply," Jake added with a nod at Gray's chalkboard. "Wind, I mean," he clarified, his lips twitching.



I'm glad we finally got to hear about what happened to the guys on their trip to Jericho, but what a horrifying story- poor Drake! I feel for the other two, of course, but especially Drake, knowing how this has affected him. No wonder he seems to have such difficulty trusting the good things that happen- he's seen just about the worst thing you could see happening in the world. I think another interesting thing about these three characters you've introduced to us, besides the fact that they're great characters in of themselves, is the perspective they can bring to the characters who haven't seen what things are like outside of Jericho.

One of my favourite parts of the original Black Jack was how Heather chose to go out in the world herself, helping the town and seeing for herself how everything had changed. I know that it is a lot more complicated for her here- there's the obvious, she has so much to protect, and she also has that accurate picture of how bad things can get, thanks to Michael and the others. I'm glad she's still standing up for herself and challenging those who try to stop her. I hope we get to see more of this.

It was an interesting contrast to go from the scenes with an older, wiser Heather struggling with the way her world has changed, to the scene where younger, less experienced Heather has hit a low point after her 'breakup' with Jake. The problem she's facing is so different, but the scene is just as poignant. I really loved April in this scene, taking charge of the situation and offering her voice of reason. I really loved her line here:

You know, all last summer, Jake was pretty much a pain in the ass, with the occasional good moment to remind us all why he wasn't drowned at birth," April explained, allowing a frustrated laugh. She reached for Heather's hand, squeezing it quickly. "Then he met you. But now, it sounds like he's pretty much reverted to ogre Jake, happily biting off the head of anyone who makes the unforgiveable mistake of saying hello."

You write April with such great humour. I loved hearing about her invention of the It's-not-easy-being-Green club. You also show her to have quite a bit of wisdom. I loved the way she explained to Heather that she could 'un-break up', and to start with the simplest truth- that she loves him and is sorry. And she knows how to work with her allies- too funny that she and Gramps conspired over the phone.


The April-Heather scene contrasted nicely with the Heather-Emily scene. As I mentioned above, we see a more grown-up Heather, with a different set of priorities. I wasn't sure what to think about Emily at first. I believe she's probably trying to be helpful. In her own way, she's trying to make sense of the world, and the horrifying story she's just heard. She's just...being herself. Trying to figure out what's going on with Heather, but filtering everything through her own experience, so she's not quite understanding. Resulting in awkward moments like this:

"You don't like me, do you?"

"I - I don't hate you, Emily," Heather hedged, looking down at her hands. She twisted the paper towel around two fingers, wringing it, though there was no excess moisture to be won.

"But you don't like me," the other woman persisted. "We're not friends."

Maybe she really is wanting to reach out more, re-evaluating her own priorities. She's just chosen the wrong time and place, misjudged what is happening with those around her. This is all, of course, just how I am interpreting it. I'm glad Heather was able to stay focused on her own situation at hand, without allowing herself to fall for any of Emily's manipulation (Intended or not).


I loved the scene between Jake and Johnston. I loved the way they are able to find some humour in the grim situation with which they are faced. I thought you chose a really great scene to end this part.

As always, looking forward to the next part!




Author's Response:

Penny, you have no idea how tickled I am that you thought of me when you saw "Mairzy Doats" in the newspaper!  And, I'm glad you were rewarded for checking to see if there was an update. :-)

You are right, Gray is being haunted by the Greens, but what does he expect when he takes over leading a town that (at least im my mind) has been led -- mostly beneficently -- by one family for half a century or more?  The Greens are part of the very fabric of Jericho and Gray (again, in my mind at least) is a relative new comer to Jericho.  He can love the town, but he can't love the town like a Green! ;-)

And, you are also right about Drake.  He was deeply affected by what happened in Indiana and is still second guessing whether or not he could have done anything.  After all, he's the one who very innocently surrendered the baby to her father.  The boys have other things to tell about their trip, but I'm almost certain this was the most horrific.  (They're rather closed mouth about the whole thing, so it's hard to know for sure.)

Quote:

One of my favourite parts of the original Black Jack was how Heather chose to go out in the world herself, helping the town and seeing for herself how everything had changed. I know that it is a lot more complicated for her here- there's the obvious, she has so much to protect, and she also has that accurate picture of how bad things can get, thanks to Michael and the others. I'm glad she's still standing up for herself and challenging those who try to stop her. I hope we get to see more of this.

You are absolutely right in your analysis here (and you put it together a lot better than I had, so thank you for that).  You've also given me a lot to keep in mind.... There's a tension, of course, between Heather doing everything she thinks she needs to, everything she wants to do, and also protecting what's important to her - her unborn child, her marriage, her extended family.  She's going to have to make compromises, as will those around her.  It's daunting to know I have to write that, but it's also a challenge, and I enjoy challenges. :-)  Thank you for giving me one... to stay as true to Heather's character as possible.  The good news is, I have lots of opportunity, since Heather is not going to disappear from Jericho.

Thanks for the thought-provoking review, Penny.  :-)  i can report that I've already taken some of it into consideration as I've worked on the next parts.

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 13 Aug 2008 Title: Chapter 2: Part 12B

 Nice work, Marzee!

I really loved all the little details you incorporated into this chapter, in the flashbacks and post-bombs scenes. They really add so much flavour to these scenes, because all these little touches show how well you know your characters.

Here are some of my favourites:

-The Star Wars discussion. How Heather reveals what she named Jake's car back then, and they way they both interact as they joke about this particular fictional universe. Especially this line:

"Millennium Falcon?" Jake grinned. "So that makes me Han Solo?"

"Yeah, and me Princess Leia," she pointed out, pressing her hand to her middle as she started to laugh harder.

"Of course," he agreed, chuckling along with her. Jake shook his head. "But what does that make Stanley? Chewbacca or Luke?" he asked, affecting a serious expression.

Really, I wish I could quote the whole scene, because it was so funny, and I could really picture this exchange.

-Gail and Gramps ambushing Jake. I love how obvious it is the whole time. That seems to be part of the charm with this family dynamic, all the good-natured, incredibly obvious meddling and teasing. Once again, I liked all the little details you've used to create this picture: Jake's sopping wet DEA baseball hat, the fact that Gail is waiting for him in Gramps' study, in his chair, the image of Jake leaping to his feet wearing only one shoe. I really enjoyed reading this scene. Especially, for some reason, this line:

"Well, look who I found!" Grandpa Green boomed out, cutting Jake off, as he came through the swinging door and into the kitchen. Jake and Gail both glanced toward him, surprise evident in their expressions as they realized who was with him.

-Heather making report cards for Jake and Mikey, giving Jake a lower mark for Conduct, Johnston signing them and Gail displaying them on the fridge. I laughed so hard at this image, but I also thought it was saying something about these characters and how they hold onto their humour and help each other cope with all the crazy changes in their world.

-for some reason, Heather's Christmas wishes for lip balm really got me. A subtle little reminder of the sheer magnitude of the difference between their world three months before and their world now. Obviously, they really miss heat and light and working refridgerators, but to not even be able to do anything about dry lips in winter- it just cements how complete that change is, I guess.

-Jake and Heather falling over themselves to apologize. This scene was full of emotion and had just the right tone- I really got that it was two people in love after their first fight. (Well, of course, I should know that, having read the chapters before this, but you know what I mean. I think if I hadn't read those chapters, I'd still really get that in reading this one.)

-The little back story about Dale at the pre-wedding gathering of groomsmen. It totally tugged on my heartstrings to think about little Dale going to so much effort for the big day, and the care everyone else in the family takes in making sure he feels accepted. I wonder if we'll get to hear more about that day, eventually...

-Dale and Skylar, the young, seemingly mismatched couple, in contrast to the much more grown-up couples saying goodbye. It's funny that in some ways, they seem a little like the younger versions of Jake and Heather from the five years before segment; they're a couple that surprises people, first just because they've chosen each other despite their differences, and also because it seems that their intensity surprises people too. In other ways, they're just so different from Jake and Heather. From this scene, it seems like they're really sure of themselves, what they want, and wary of any outside interference. It's a really interesting contrast.

I really enjoyed this update, and I look forward to the next!




Author's Response:

Penny,

I lost the long response to your review a couple of days ago in a user/computer malfunction so I'm trying again, but will keep this just a little shorter.  Thanks so much for taking the time to leave such a detailed review.  It's wonderful to know that the things I'm trying to get across (the obvious nature of the Greens' interferences in one another's lives, how much Jake and Heather care for one another, etc.) are getting across.  It's also nice to know that my little indulgences (the Star Wars references for one) are appreciated.

 

Heather making report cards for Jake and Mikey, giving Jake a lower mark for Conduct, Johnston signing them and Gail displaying them on the fridge. I laughed so hard at this image, but I also thought it was saying something about these characters and how they hold onto their humour and help each other cope with all the crazy changes in their world.

I was glad that you commented on the report cards, and that you interpreted the interaction as a way to hold ointo their humor.  I definitely meant to show this as a copy mechanism.  Heather remembered an off-hand comment from Johnston and ran with it because it would give them something light to talk about in place of the truly scary reality of their day-to-day existence.  Anyway, thanks!

 

I am also VERY glad you commented on the Dale 5 years ago scene, as well as the Dale and Skylar interaction.  I hadn't thought of the compare/contrast aspect of Dale and Skylar versus Jake and Heather, but reading your take on everything certainly got my plot bunnies working overtime.  So, just for you, there's more Dale and Skylar coming up. :-)

The little back story about Dale at the pre-wedding gathering of groomsmen. It totally tugged on my heartstrings to think about little Dale going to so much effort for the big day, and the care everyone else in the family takes in making sure he feels accepted. I wonder if we'll get to hear more about that day, eventually...

First off, I will definitely get to Heather's and Jake's wedding day, one day.... many, many years from now. ;-)  Okay, maybe not years, but definitely months because I am a slow writer.  I am planning to cover the wedding eventually and there is a little more discussion of the wedding coming up in DC 12.  As for Dale and the Greens, I think I'm still trying t o explain why Dale went to Gail with the recording of his mother's death in Atlanta back in the Pilot.  (And, for that matter, why Jake told Dale to come for him for help in 9:02.)  It's why I decided that Gail was Dale's childhood babysitter and that he's "practicaly" a member of the family.  The show didn't bear me out on this really, but it didn't contradict me either, so I'm going with it.

Thanks again for your comments, they are greatly appreciated.

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 12 Sep 2008 Title: Chapter 3: Part 12C

 What an interesting chapter! I know things have been diverging on their own path for your entire story, but I get the feeling we're really in for some major twists in the plot now.

Here's my list of my favourite things:

-Gail talking to her grandkid. It's so cute, and so Gail. It really shows how involved she will be with her grandchildren (and how involved she is with all of her family, of course). I had to laugh too, upon hearing about Jake and his conversations with his unborn child.

-Gramps' usual meddling. He always makes laugh. I think what I like most about his 'Vice and Virtue squad' routine is the sort of irony about it- that he's playing the disapproving patriarch. I love the joking way he does it, the fun he seems to get out of making Jake and Heather squirm, and though they know it's all kind of a game, it still rattles them. I really laughed at this:

They heard Grandpa's familiar stomp on the stairs as soon as their lips met, and broke apart, both groaning. "Warning number two," Jake muttered.

"Yeah," Heather sighed, offering him a regretful smile. "Wanna beat him to the punch?" she asked.

Nodding, Jake folded their hands together and, after waiting for Heather to grab her purse off the dresser, he led her to the door, opening it just in time to interrupt his grandfather's initial knock. "Hey, Gramps," he greeted, "Need somethin'?"

"Just returnin' your shoes," Grandpa declared, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he looked Jake and Heather over. "Here," he muttered, shoving Jake's running shoes into his arms.

 

-The descriptions of the Christmas Carol play! Well, you know how much I love that story. I really enjoyed reading about the behind-the-scenes dynamic of a school play (speaking from experience, I think you've nailed it). I loved this:

She took a bite of her ice cream, savoring it. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Jake grinning at her and she threw him a questioning look, but he just shook his head. "Anyway, Bonnie's been a great assistant, and Dale's been a little nervous, though he seems to be getting past it. He'll be fine as our Ghost of Christmas Past. But, oh," Heather remembered with a groan, "Skylar Stevens is the Ghost of Christmas Present. She's actually pretty good in the role, but -" she broke off, rolling her eyes.

"She's just a little bit of a brat?" Gail supplied, her expression sympathetic. "Or perhaps I should say overindulged," she corrected herself, handing Grandpa his ice cream. "I consider Miranda a friend of sorts - she volunteers at the food bank with me and she's helped out at Harvest Festival, plus now she's on the school board - but I don't think she or Hugh have ever said no to that child," Gail clucked.

Heather let out a sigh. "Overindulged is a very good word for it," she agreed. "And I like Mrs. Stevens - I do - but...." She stopped, frowning gently. "Well, I probably shouldn't tell you this but, all week Mrs. Stevens has been ... not exactly complaining, but I have heard her say to some of the other parents that 'it seems so ghoulish' for Skylar to be playing the Ghost of Christmas Present. And, I really don't think she gets why that's funny," Heather explained, cringing softly.

A really funny exchange, but also a nice little detail about Skylar, I think. She does seem like she would have been good in a school play when she was a kid. (Incidentally, Christmas Present is one of my favourite characters! He, or in this case, she, has some of my favourite lines. Too bad her mom missed the boat on that one)

-The contrast between the warm fuzzy scenes of Gail bonding with her grandchild and Gramps getting beaten at his own game with the sad, gritty realities at Black Jack. You captured the atmosphere there very well- it's sad and bleak, but also a little sad to see how guarded and uninvolved Michael has had to become in this new world. At least, that's what I thought was illustrated in this scene:

It had surprised him even more when his brother-in-law had answered for them both, brusquely assuring the scantily clad and shivering teenager who'd offered them a half hour, individually or together, that they weren't interested in catching what she had, before dragging the startled Jake off by the arm.

I probably think this especially as I remember the young Mikey sitting on the floor amidst older siblings and kids, but also, I think he tends to present a more optimistic face to his family (I'm guessing to try and help them cope) so it's interesting to see a slightly different side of him here. The survivor.

-The New Bern twist! I was wondering how you would do this, and I think you made a really interesting and intriguing choice! I like how the scene is reversed here. It's Jake's long lost friend he meets at Black Jack, and she's the one romantically linked to Ted! I didn't see it coming. I also have to say how much I liked that you still included a woman going to Black Jack- one of my favourite aspects of that original episode, since before that it was always only men going out and getting things done while the women stayed inside, or away from the action. And you included a female character we've already met, so we already care/are invested in her. Really brilliant idea!

I'm left wondering what will happen next, and excited to read the next chapter!




Author's Response:

Thanks, Penny!  It's great to hear what parts you liked, and why, so thanks for taking the time.  I am especially gratified to hear that my school play discussion (based on 20 year old memories) rings true.  There's more school play coming in the next part as you will get to attend a performance, though only during intermission.  (Jake can do so much more during intermission after all!)  As you also know, I love writing the happily meddling Greens, especially Gramps. :-)

 

The contrast between the warm fuzzy scenes of Gail bonding with her grandchild and Gramps getting beaten at his own game with the sad, gritty realities at Black Jack. You captured the atmosphere there very well- it's sad and bleak, but also a little sad to see how guarded and uninvolved Michael has had to become in this new world. At least, that's what I thought was illustrated in this scene:

 It had surprised him even more when his brother-in-law had answered for them both, brusquely assuring the scantily clad and shivering teenager who'd offered them a half hour, individually or together, that they weren't interested in catching what she had, before dragging the startled Jake off by the arm.

 I probably think this especially as I remember the young Mikey sitting on the floor amidst older siblings and kids, but also, I think he tends to present a more optimistic face to his family (I'm guessing to try and help them cope) so it's interesting to see a slightly different side of him here. The survivor.

 This is exactly the feeling I was trying to invoke with Mikey at Black Jack, suddenly seeming to get more of what's going on than Jake.  Let's hope that he can once again be that playful, "everybody's favorite" uncle at some (near) point in the future.

 And, I will say it again.... I'm glad my Mindy twist isn't going over like a lead balloon!

 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 27 Sep 2008 Title: Chapter 4: Part 12D

 Great chapter, Marzee! It entertained and amused me, with all the sprinklings of humour and sweet moments between the characters, but it also reminded me of those scenes in the original Black Jack, which I watched with bated breath. You really captured that scene where the party from Jericho are surrounded at Black Jack.

Not only have you described the scenes I loved, but you've built onto them as well. I liked the picture you drew us of the fair grounds- details such as the fact that the 'off the books' dealer operates out of a place where they once brought lost children, or the fact that you can still see carnival treats advertised amidst the post-apocalyptic trading going on. I liked following Jake's train of thought as he took in the news for the first time. I guess these details were always there, but you've highlighted and drawn attention to them in an interesting way.

I liked the way the characters from the New Bern party are relating to the characters from Jericho in this part, setting up the relationships between them. It was really interesting seeing Mindy, a character known to all of our windmill-chasers, being reunited with them. I like the details we got- that she and Mikey got to know each other over the Macarena, and the story about Dale and his supersoaker made me laugh. It's interesting to see Ted in this context too- much more wary of these outsiders and not very friendly.


 

I liked the 'after the bombs' scenes, but I think, for this chapter, my favourite part had to be the 'before the bombs' Christmas Carol play scenes. You captured the atmosphere at a gradeschool holiday performance just perfectly. There were so many things I liked- here are a few:

-Eric and April as good natured audience members. I liked that they had gotten themselves into the spirit of the thing. Especially April. You write her with such a cheery, good sense of humour. I laughed at many of her lines, and at her envy of Heather's roses and near-blackmail (with the threat of calling Gail) she uses to convince Eric to get some for her. It was kind of bittersweet of course, knowing what I know about how that relationship will progress. I also liked the reminiscing back to Eric's theatre days. I always thought that was a funny little part of his character. (And laughed out loud picturing him in Once Upon a Mattress!)

-Bonnie as the mostly diligent assistant director. I could just picture her holding her clipboard, and I could imagine it would be hard for her to say no to Jake, especially when he brings cookies into the picture.

-Jake's attitude- going to every performance, showing Heather his support and encouragement, getting the all important closing-night boquet of roses, and resorting to bribery to see her during the intermission. I laughed through the entire scene of his backstage rule-breaking. He's such a rebel, bringing food backstage too! Of course, this is exactly how I imagine Jake would do the 'boyfriend of the director' thing.

-I liked meeting the Davis family here. More interesting additions to your town full of citizens. Already, I found myself wondering when we would see Clyde, Shannon, or Lindsay show up in the post-bombs scenes. I want to know what happens to them.

-I really, really liked the glimpse we got of the Stevens family here, seeing as we've always heard them mentioned, and yet, we've heard so little about them, really. Here, you give them each an interesting personality. I really enjoyed the moment between awkward little Dale and indulged little Skylar, almost being forced to spend time together. I liked that Miranda Stevens took a bit of an interest in Dale's well-being, showing a different side of her than we've seen (or really, heard about) other times, as well as her enthusiastic reaction to the overall success of the play, and Skylar's part. I also liked the information we got here about Mr. Stevens, and the mention of his friendship with Gray.


 

The scene between Heather and Gail was sweet, and showed just how far their relationship has come in the intevening five years. Though, of course, I knew Gail was right and that Heather should take a break, I was glad to hear she hadn't forgotten about those children she'd once spent all her time teaching. She definitely shouldn't have to spearhead every project, but it's good that someone's remembered them, and hopefully Heather will be able to convince someone to take on the job.

As I mentioned earlier, I really liked the way you wrote the final scenes of this chapter. They had all the suspense of the ones I've come to know so well, but with your own additional layers you've added. The most interesting, I thought, was the part where Dale imagined his old summer camp, taking us right through a happy memory into the moment he realizes the true nature of that shady back room he stumbled across.

I look forward, as always, to the next part!

 

 




Author's Response:

Thanks for your review, Penny!  Much appreciated. :-)

I'm glad I did the Black Jack scenes justice, as it is a favorite episode of many, including me, and I'm also glad that Mindy is still interesting.

The school play was a lot of fun to write!  I hadn't even thought about Jake the rebel/rule-breaker taking food backstage (okay, duh!) but you're absolutely right, he's doing the supportive boyfriend thing with his own little twist.  I'm happy you enjoyed the near miss with Dale and Skylar, and am happy to report there's a present day Dale/Skylar scene coming up.  Plus, the Davises will also be reappearing at some point, never fear.

 

 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 25 Oct 2008 Title: Chapter 5: Part 12E

 Marzee,

This chapter had so many wonderful details, and you used them so well to develop the characters and their world. I think I learned something interesting about almost every character who appeared here, so I think I'll mention what I liked about each one of them.

Johnston- As you usual, you write Johnston so perfectly in character. I laughed upon hearing that he once bought fifty dollars worth of cookies from Mindy (which maybe says more about her character than his), and it was so sweet and very much like him to try to make sure another 'family' member of his was safe and well cared for.

Mindy- I really liked the way you developed her further in this chapter, as we got to see more of the person she's become since we saw the younger version of her at the Pizza Garden. Her story was very intriguing, and it even made me see Constantino in a different light. I like the idea that she's in a position of power in New Bern, and the conviction she has that it is her duty to help take care of the people there. It'll be really interesting to see where you go with this in the future. The story of where Colleen ended up made me sad, though I suppose it was good at least that she survived. I liked the relationship we see here between Mindy and Jake. Interesting to see how it will be with the Greens having such a close friend in New Bern.

Russell- I'm intrigued by his actions, which always seem to be a little bit in the background, so they leave me wondering. To whom is he most loyal? How much power does he have, and how is he going to use it? What are his real motivations? I wonder, also, where you will take him in the future.

Gramps- You always do such a wonderful job writing this character. In this part, I chuckled at his gloating over his flu shot, and I admired his way of putting people in any situation at ease, inviting Heather in and sharing some of his memories with her. His memory of reading about kittens to little Susie was so poignant. Really nicely done!

Though I tried to organize this by character, I'm going to group together everyone at the Greens' open house. I laughed so hard at the image of Bonnie and Dale tobogganing down the stairs on a sleeping bag. For some reason, I can just see them doing this! Funnier still that Jake is assumed to be the inspiration behind this adventure. Also making me laugh- Stanley's discovery of the mistletoe hiding spot and subsequent entrapping of Heather. I thought it was very funny, but also just a little sad when I realized Stanley was most likely alone at this Christmas party, without anyone to trap him under the mistletoe. The entire open house scene was very entertaining.

Jake- it was funny to see the contrast from sick Jake in the past, allowing himself to be waited on, and the more take-charge Jake of the present, so much more grown up in some ways. I feel for him- it's not fun getting the flu and having others saying 'I told you to get a shot', but then, he is a rather needy patient so I can't really blame them. And, I think he rather enjoys being waited on by Heather, so I guess it evens out in the end.

Heather- I liked her scenes with Jake here (especially the lines she turns on him) but I really liked her scenes with Gramps. You write such a sweet, natural relationship between them.

Dale and Skylar- I think we learned interesting things about both their characters here, so they could each have had their own paragraph, but I really loved the development of their relationship in this part. I think the contrasts in them are so interesting. The contrasts between their younger selves in the previous chapter and the sadder and wiser teenagers we meet here, and the contrasts in their characters- they are both so young and still trying to figure out all the new things they are experiencing, but also, they're older than their years, dealing with these difficult and dangerous new times, and having to come up with their own conclusions. I liked the insight into Dale and how he's progressed to this moment in time. It was really heartbreaking, thinking of how unwanted and powerless he felt in the past, and it's really understandable that this lead to his resolve now that he won't be put in such a position again. I also liked the self-reflection Skylar does here. She's become more self aware, I think, and is more willing to honestly look at her own behaviour in relation to others. I loved how each reaches out to the other in this scene: Skylar being brave enough to broach a touchy subject with Dale, and sensitive enough to do it right. Dale being thoughtful enough to get the one simple gift that will make Skylar happy. Nicely done!

I enjoyed this chapter, and look forward to the next!

 



Author's Response:

Ahhh, Penny :-)  You can tell me you like my characters any time you want!  I enjoy writing the entirety of this story, but it's the characters followed by the details that I really love writing, so thank you for noticing.

Just a few things.  First, I think buying $50 worth of Girl Scout cookies probably says a little bit about both Johnston and Mindy, though I will admit that I think Johnston's a closet softie.  I'm glad you like Mindy and I promise we will follow up with her eventually - and Colleen even more eventually (many, many, many chapters from now).  Russell is an enigma, but I think you're asking the right questions.  At least they're the same questions I ask myself! :-)

I enjoy writing Gramps, and Gramps with Heather (as well and Gramps with Gail) and while my Gramps isn't exactly the EJ we saw on TV, I do think he's the grandfather I didn't have and always wanted.  Gramps still has a lot to say coming up, so keep watching.

I'm glad you enjoyed the open house, and I am sorry to confirm that, yes, Stanley's only "date" for the evening was his sister -- unless you count his 10 second lip lock with Heather as a "date". ;-)  Obviously it takes a special woman to appreciate Stanley, and way back when he wasn't quite successful in that department.

Poor Jake, LOL.  He's enjoying the fussing and  caretaking of nurse Heather though, so I think he will be all right.  I think Heather's enjoying the chance to take care of him too!

And, lastly, I'm glad you appreciated my small foray into the land of Dale and Skylar.  I sometimes can't resist the urge to branch out into other characters, and I do find Dale's development to be fascinating.  His attitude and outlook later in the series really bothered me at times so I've been trying to work through it and explain to myself.  It was also interesting to think about how Skylar grew over time.  So, thanks for commenting on all of that.

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 24 Nov 2008 Title: Chapter 6: Part 12F

 Excellent work, as always, Marzee!

I think this was a great way to wrap up the 'Black Jack' part of the Different Circumstances story, with these quiet, intimate scenes between Jake, Heather, and some of their family members.

With the opening exchange between Jake, Heather, (and Mikey) you've written another one of those still moments that just seem so real, like something that might happen in someone's life. As always, I loved Mikey's part in this scene- the closeness he has with his sister, the serious side he shows when dealing with family and friends, but also the good natured humour he's perfected when dealing with these awkward moments with his older siblings (I'm reminded again of the glimpse we saw of younger Mikey sitting on the floor amidst siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews.)

I liked the way you wrote the conversation between Jake and Heather, covering a whole range from joking to get through the tough times, to coming to terms with the news Jake brings home with him, to the cute, comfortable intimacy between them. I laughed at Jake's reaction to Ted. I hadn't quite expected him to get such a strong impression of Mindy's new boyfriend, and it was an interesting irony, Jake complaining about him to Heather. I guess it's just because Mindy is 'family'. BG sure is lucky to have so many honorary aunts and uncles. I was glad Heather and Jake both came to terms with Dale's mistake, realizing they couldn't possibly have left him behind. (Not when they remember him sliding down the stairs on a sleeping bag, or dressing up for their wedding!) I also liked the detail of the chapstick. I'm with Heather, something like that could be a real luxury and so I imagine it could really be a bright spot at the end of a difficult day.

I loved the Christmas Eve scene! All the details were great, from Heather's sister-in-law introducing herself to Jake, to Jake and Heather comparing notes on when to open presents, to all the gifts. I have to say, I am rather impressed by Eric's gift. As every time I read about happy times in April and Eric's past, I feel that this is a little bittersweet, especially remembering how this dream house will one day burn down. Poor April, especially, but I still liked reading of her excitement as she ran from room to room, and Eric's obvious pride that he had pulled off the surprise. I just loved the image of Eric faxing counter-offers at three in the morning.

I also just loved the little story about Woody's role in the Christmas pageant. I don't know which I found more endearing- Jimmy and his family playing the holy family, or Woody's improvising. I hope we get to hear a bit more about Christmas in DC, whether in the past or post-bombs.

I have to mention now how I like the new original character addition to the Green family this chapter. The Red Baron is adorable! (and makes me think of Snoopy!) I haven't gone back yet to read of his appearance in other chapters, but I hope to soon. It'll be fun to read more about Jake adapting to being a new 'dad' to this puppy in future installments. Jake's gift choices for Heather were impressive too. I laughed so hard to hear of the Lisinski boys' new grudge against the 'cowboy'.

The final scene with a more mature Jake and Heather listening to their baby's heartbeat was sweet and such a contrast to that long ago Christmas. I liked hearing about all of Heather's name choices- Ebeneezer (or Eben) is just too funny. Once again, we see in this quiet moment between them just how far they've come, and how much they've been through together by now.

Great chapter, great ending to the DC version of one of my favourite episodes, and I'm especially looking forward to the next part, as 'Heart of Winter' is my other favourite!




Author's Response:

Thanks for your review, Penny.  It is much appreciated, even if it did take me six weeks to respond.  Sorry about that!

I know you're a Mikey fan, so I'm glad you enjoyed his scene with Jake and Heather.  I really feel for poor Mikey, who has lost so much and in some ways is much more experienced than almost anyone else in Jericho.  He had the danger of turning into Gray, trying to protect the specialness right out of Jericho, now his adopted home.  But he's still -- always -- Heather's beloved little brother which can be tough too, as he tries to protect her and his niece or nephew, perhaps the only members of his original family that he has left. 

As for Jake and Heather on their own, I must say that it was comforting to me to give them the opportunity to connect with one another, to discuss the weighty issues of the day and just support one another in the difficult situation they've found themselves in.  I jut can't help but think that having that one person you love more than life itself with whom to share your fears and hopes for the future would go a long way toward sustaining you in the world after the end of the world.  Hoperfully, I've managed to express that.

The Christmas Eve scene was fun to write, especially about the purchase of April's dream house, so thanks for commenting on one of my favorite parts.  I enjoyed showing the lengths that Eric would go to secure it for her, and as a surprise.  I defintiely think Eric has BIG issues in the relationship department, but I also think he's quite capable of being romantic in his Eric way.

When it comes to the Lisinskis and the 'cowboy', all I can say is wait 'til Jake gets to Buffalo! ;-)  I'm glad to add you to the list of the Baron afficianados, too.  I try to keep my original characters as secondary, at least most of the time, but I may have to make an exception for Baron.  He's too cute, and you're right, it's fun to see the hints of what 'dad' Jake will be like.

I'm thrilled to hear that you enjoyed what I did with Black Jack, and I hope I can maintain through Heart of Winter.  Thanks again for the review!

A Tradition by SandraDee Rated: K+ (Some Content May Not be Suitable for Young Children) [Reviews - 11]
Summary:

A new tradition begins for two of Jericho's citizens.


Categories: Jake/Heather, Holidays > Halloween
Characters: Heather Lisinski, Jake Green
Episode/Spoilers For: Season 1, Season 2
Genres: Romance
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 15122 Read Count: 68800
[Report This] Published: 27 Oct 2008 Updated: 30 Nov 2008
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 29 Oct 2008 Title: Chapter 1: Part 1: A Tradition Begins

 I was so excited to see that you'd written a Halloween story, Sandra!

As usual, you've done a great job characterizing both Jake and Heather. In this case, you've brought me back to that specific moment in season one- right after Mitchell's jail break in the middle of the town's makeshift Halloween party.

I love that atmosphere you've captured here, that uneasiness the townspeople are experiencing, the almost dazed way they're having to face a completely new world, and the humour they use to deal with all of this.

The dialogue is spot on, I think. Very witty in some parts, and showing exactly where these characters are, emotionally. I think this is my favourite part:

The fact that Jake didn’t promise to not get hurt didn’t escape Heather’s attention, but she would take what she could get. “You better not, Mister. Or else.”

Or else what?” he chuckled.

Or else I’ll have one less person who inspires me.

Or else your parents’ hearts will break, and mine might, too.

Or else I’ll have to find someone else whose ass I can kick in darts.”

Great start to the story, and I can't wait to read more! Thanks for sharing!




Author's Response:

Thank you, Penny Lane!  I've enjoyed delving into a different time in the Jericho universe.  I always felt like there could have been a plethora of small scenes like this to have taken place, so I thought it would be fun to revisit this time, albeit briefly.

I think that many people tend to use humor to deal with the changes/challenges in their lives. Sometimes when faced with an obstacle, you either have to laugh about it or cry about it.  Granted, sometimes the humor can be dark humor.

Thanks again for your comments!

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 05 Nov 2008 Title: Chapter 2: Part 2: A Tradition Continues

Nice work, Sandra!

There is so much to talk about in this one scene, I'm not sure where to begin. I think I'll start with that though- I love the way you can capture a whole world in a contained space. I think I said this once before about something else you wrote, but this is another excellent example. Within this one room at Bailey's, within one conversation, you tell us so much history, so much of what has happened since the last scene we saw in the same place. It's really well done!

I really loved the sense of change we saw in Heather here. It's a little heart-breaking in a way, to see how much older and wiser she's gotten, but also positive and optimistic, in a way I think. You've shown us a Heather who is strong, who's a survivor, and I just love how she's stepped up in this world and really contributed to it on a large scale. Sad I as I was to hear she was leaving town, leaving Jake behind as soon as he gets back, and no longer doing the job she once seemed to love, I thought it was so, okay, for lack of a better word, cool that she was going to Colombus and meeting with the president!

Jake, too, shows interesting changes here, though in some ways, it seems more like the same old Jake has come back to a much-changed Jericho. I think maybe it's a bit of both. An interesting sort of contrast. I really liked how he seems to have a bit more clarity about what he wants now, and really felt for him when he realized it was too late, he had to stay silent as Heather went out to make her mark on the world.

Your writing of dialogue is so smart and funny. As usual, you write these characters using their wit to conceal a lot of feeling too. There are so many lines I'd like to quote, but I think I'll go with the final lines again, because I just loved how they mirrored the last chapter:

He cocooned her hand between both of his. “You better. Or else.”

“Or else? Or else what?”

Or else some of the goodness and hope will be gone from my life. Or else I’ll never have the chance to… Jake’s eyes widened in realization. Over the course of his months away, his thoughts kept returning to her. He never thought about why that was until now. He wanted her, and she wanted someone else and a different life than Jericho had to offer.

So when he spoke, he camouflaged his feelings. He owed her this. He owed it to her to let go.

For now.

“Or else I won’t have anyone who can kick my ass in darts.”

Excellent, and I look forward to part three!




Author's Response:

Thank you for your feedback, Penny.  It's been interesting to write this story for one of the reasons you mention--writing the subtle changes in the characters.  They are the same characters, yet they are changed by their experiences.  There's that old saying about the more things change, the more they stay the same.  I think that may be applicable here. 

From a selfish standpoint, I also wanted to use this story to address some of the plot points from season 2 that aggravated me immensely, and this chapter enabled me to do just that.

I also thought you brought up an interesting point about the characters' use of wit to conceal feelings.  I know many people who use wit, sarcasm, wry comments--you name it--to mask deeper feelings.  It's a safe way to express things that are otherwise too difficult to express adequately. 

Thank you again!

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 02 Dec 2008 Title: Chapter 3: Part 3: A Tradition Evolves

Excellent! I was looking forward to reading the third part of this story, and was so pleased to see it posted. I really enjoyed reading it!

I loved this glimpse into the future, with the reminiscing about the past that came up as well. So much changes between each year, yet some things stay the same. As usual, you do such a good job of weaving all this information together in a few scenes, between a few characters.

I love Stanley, and was so impressed with the way you captured him in these scenes. He's his usual self in some ways, joking and enjoying the time he has with his friends and family, but he also seems to have grown, and carried his memories of the bad times with him as well, though he may not readily talk about those. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but he does seem a bit older and wiser. He made me laugh, and I so loved his interactions with his daughter. Lindee, as well, is adorable and I love how she reminds everyone of Bonnie.

I laughed so much over the story about Jake and Stanley and the McElvoy sisters at Crazy Harold's bridge. It just seemed like something that would happen with each of these characters - that Eric would pass the message along to Johnston, that Johnston would take the opportunity for this practical joke, and that Stanley would see the amusement in it. Poor Jake - but his reaction is priceless, and so in character.

Being introduced to the present day Heather on tv was interesting - even a little surreal at first, as I imagine it was for Jake and Stanley. I thought it was so interesting, the choices you made with her here, becoming the 'face of resistance' and dealing with the responsibilities that accompany her new status. On the one hand, it's completely like her to take this on, and on the other hand, it seems like a completely strange and surreal life for her to step into. I think you did a great job capturing that, a sort of ambivalence Heather feels, and that she is both great at her job and completely out of place in Colombus at the same time.

Jake's reaction to her was very interesting too, as was his growth over the year since we saw him last. You also captured a great sort of inner conflict with him as well - he's realized he's comfortable being where he is, and living where he wants to be, in a place that is home, yet he also feels the restlessness of someone who wants something more. I was as surprised as he was to see Heather come back, even though I would have imagined she would because the story is about the tradition between the two of them.

I loved all the interaction between Jake and Heather. You capture these two so well, in every scenario you put them in. I was glad Jake got to win at darts this year, and change up the tradition a bit. The return to Harold's bridge was great, and you really did keep me in suspense until the end as to whether or not they would finally stop holding back all those things they've been thinking about while they thought no one was looking. I was glad to see them finally take that step. And the ending was perfect!

Great work, Sandra, and thanks for sharing!




Author's Response:

Thank you, Penny!  it was fun to go ahead in the storyline presented to us on the show and put my own spin on what I would like to see happen.  That, of course, resulted in Jake and Emily being far, far away from one another. ;)

So this was my very first time writing Stanley.  I was hoping that I was getting him right.  When I write, I try to imagine the scenario playing out in my head.  I'm guessing most writers do this.  Anyhow, if I can't picture it happening, then I know I'm not on the right track.  For some reason, I could picture Stanley sneaking his baby into Bailey's when Mimi wasn't looking.  I mean, any guy who pipes up and says, "This isn't Red Dawn!" is a different kind of guy.  I heart Stanley, but I have to admit that I was intimidated at writing him.  I think that sometimes he is portrayed as clownish, but there is so much more to Stanley than that.  I'm glad I was able to convey his multi-faceted nature.

Jake and Stanley's remembrances of the night at Crazy Harold's Bridge were fun to write because the two were coming from such polar opposite vantage points. 

Glad you liked the introduction to present-day Heather.  I have to admit that the interview was a bit of a cheat.  I needed a way to fill in the gaps of what happened in the last year, and I thought it would be an interesting way to tackle that.  As I mentioned to Marzee, I don't think the face of the resistance is the role that Heather would seek out, but like much that happened to her on the show, she sort of fell into her situation.  Being the trooper that she is, she's going to do whatever needs to be done, even, as it turns out, at her own expense.

I have to admit that I looked at this part as being my "And now Jake's grown up" chapter.  He was getting there in part 2, but this part solidified that in my mind.  Of course, Heather had to come back to this Jake, the Jake who would be willing to admit his feelings, the Jake who would be willing to move forward with her. 

Thank you again for your comments!

Christmas in Bizarro World by Marzee Doats Rated: K+ (Some Content May Not be Suitable for Young Children) [Reviews - 4]
Summary: Past Featured Story

Jake and Heather celebrate the first Christmas post-bombs.  A sequel to Life in Bizarro World.


Categories: Holidays > Christmas, Jake/Heather
Characters: April Green, Emily Sullivan, Eric Green, Gail Green, Heather Lisinski, Jake Green, Johnston Green, Mary Bailey, Mimi Clark, Roger Hammond, Stanley Richmond
Episode/Spoilers For: 1.13 - Black Jack, 1.14 - Heart of Winter, 1.15 - Semper Fidelis
Genres: Alternate Universe, Romance
Series: Bizarro World
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 14222 Read Count: 14945
[Report This] Published: 22 Dec 2008 Updated: 22 Dec 2008
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 24 Dec 2008 Title: Chapter 1: Christmas in Bizarro World

 

What a wonderful holiday story, Marzee!

I've only gotten halfway through so far, I've been reading in between holiday preparations (and actually at the same time as baking sugar pie), but I wanted to let you know how much I'm enjoying this story so far!

I was glad to see another installment of Bizarro World, and it was so interesting to see you dealing with Jake and Heather in a different universe than Different Circumstances. I loved reading about the different ways in which various characters found out about Jake and Heather as a couple. It was a nice way, I think, to show how things have progressed since your last installment and set the scene, so we know exactly where our characters are at this point in time. I loved Johnston's reaction, but my favourite was Stanley and Mimi turning the tables on them! You always handle familiar scenes, in this case, the huggy fake Marines scene, in such interesting ways!

You write a very romantic Christmas Eve morning. Although they're living in a strange world, Jake and Heather are also discovering so much about each other, so it's a hopeful day for them, amidst all the day to day struggling to survive. The tree-hunting scene was great! It reminded me of my own childhood treks to the tree farm, searching for the perfect tree and disagreeing with my fellow tree-hunters. Again, here, Heather is discovering something new after the end of the world. The snowball fight was wonderful. I laughed out loud as Jake turned the tables on Heather, and got rewarded with snow down his shirt.

I loved the warm family feelings in the scenes with the Green family. All the ornaments were great choices. I liked how Jake compared, in his mind, his father's reaction to April with the way he was almost flirting with Heather here. The whole scene reminded me of a real life family at work on a Christmas tree.

I also loved the little story about Johnston's school tour of town hall, and the kids who got themselves locked in the holding cell. And poor little Danny, though I laughed at the fact he seemed to have enjoyed his visit to the med centre, having ridden there in the cruiser, escorted by one of Jericho's finest. This was a good addition to the history of Heather's relationship with the Greens.

The Uno game was intriguing. Though I've never played, I think I understood the suspense of the scene, as Heather fell behind and tried to exact revenge, Jake enjoyed not losing as badly as her, and Gail, the unassuming face of neutrality, trampled everyone.

The menu choices were also interesting. I loved how Jake and Heather joked about the 'Chinese Chips', and how the family made do with the food from the food drop. Exactly how I imagine Christmas would be for the Greens, and the people of Jericho that year as they made do with what they had been given.

Great story so far, and I look forward to reading the rest soon!

 




Author's Response:

 

Penny,

First, I hope the sugar pie turned out well, it sure sounds like something I would enjoy!  Second, thanks for the review.  I really used this story to help me get into the Christmas spirit, so it was especially gratifying to read your remarks on the romantic Christmas Eve morning, the family camaraderie and the "make do" Christmas menu.  Okay, the Christmas menu didn't quite fit my Christmas plans, but tree trimming and playing games with the family are both top on my list.  Snowball fights would be too, if only it snowed here. ;-) 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 24 Dec 2008 Title: Chapter 1: Christmas in Bizarro World

 

I took a break from Christmas Eve chores to read the rest of this story, and I enjoyed it just as much as the first half!

First off, I liked how we got to see how the town is going about Christmas through the scene at the church. I got a glimpse of a few other characters, sitting with their friends or families, singing, receiving candy canes. And so like Gail, to provide whatever she can to liven up the darkest days of the year for the rest of the town. I liked all the little details here, like Bonnie sitting away from Stanley and Mimi (still ticked off at them and not yet bonding with Mimi over med centre volunteering), Allison is handing out candy canes (seems that she's getting more involved in her new home), and Johnston going to wish Eric and Mary a 'Merry Christmas' (Although things are still very tense and difficult in their family, he still wants to take this opportunity to interact with his son on the first Christmas after their world getting so uncertain.)

The part with Emily and Roger was interesting too. I kind of felt for Roger here, and wondered what was going on in the Emily-mind.

I loved getting to see Stanley and Mimi on Christmas Eve, even for this little moment we got with them! I think you did a great job capturing where they were at that point in the story. You made them funny (loved the image of Stanley openly enjoying his candy cane, and Mimi's proving how much chocolate means to her), but you also hinted at the deeper aspects of both these characters and the journeys each of them is on at that point, Stanley trying to provide comfort and certainty in a world in which he really doesn't know what's happening, and Mimi coping with her enormous loss, and starting to accept the good that's come into her life.

The Heather and Jake scenes were wonderful. As always, you capture a great dynamic between them. I thought their Christmas gifts were very well chosen. Simple and yet so meaningful, and probably more appreciated than most other gifts they've received in their lives.

I liked the discussion of the Christmas songs. I myself have about twenty favourites, several of which were on Heather's list so I'd say she has great taste! I have to tell you, I think my favourite part of the whole story was the 'Baby, it's Cold Outside' portion. Even among my favourite Christmas songs, that is one of my all time most loved! I thought you applied it so perfectly to this scene. I loved the reference to Johnston and Gail performing it originally (and Jake's embarrassment at his parents' portrayal of the Wolf and Mouse), and Heather's performance of both parts made me laugh, and the switching of lines was cleverly executed.

I loved how you used the song to lead up to Heather's decision to take the next step in her relationship with Jake. It was a perfect ending to this holiday romance, and I will be interested to see what happens next in Bizarro World!




Author's Response:

 

I'm glad the ending lived up to your expectations/hopes, Penny. I'm also very glad that yoo, as the champion of all thinkgs Richmond, approve of my characterization.  I certainly do think about what you will think whenever I write Stanley, Mimi and Bonie because I want to treat them with something approaching the same depth and dignity that you do.

Baby, It's Cold Outside was always a favorite of mine, but now it is definitely top 3 for me!  And, it totally seems like a jake and Heather song, too.  :-)

Thanks for taking the time to read and review!

Different Circumstances, Part 13 by Marzee Doats Rated: T (Contains Content Not Suitable for Children) [Reviews - 23]
Summary:

What if circumstances were different, and Jake and Heather had met long before the school bus?  An alternate version of Jericho in which Jake and Heather are married and expecting.  A re-telling of the Jericho episode Heart of Winter.

 

 


Categories: Green Family, Jake/Heather
Characters: April Green, Eric Green, Gail Green, Heather Lisinski, Jake Green, Johnston Green, Mimi Clark, Stanley Richmond
Episode/Spoilers For: 1.14 - Heart of Winter
Genres: Alternate Universe, Drama, Romance
Series: Different Circumstances
Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 47091 Read Count: 196850
[Report This] Published: 05 Jan 2009 Updated: 14 Jun 2009
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 07 Jan 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Part 13A

Wow!

Marzee, there is so much going on in this chapter and you raise so many interesting ideas about the conflicts that would dominate life in a world such as the one facing the Jericho characters after the bombs. This chapter left me thinking about all these things, and I'm still not sure where to start in my review, so I think I'll just jump in.

The part that hit me hardest was the news of Karen Harper's demise and family annihilation. How horrifying and sad! I think you made a strong choice here, showing just how badly the events could effect people, how drastic a choice someone might make, and how some individuals might not be able to adjust at all. I think the way you handled it, with the reactions from Gail and Johnston, was very believable and realistic. You captured that sort of sickening feeling someone can experience at the death of someone who is unlikable. They still remember the negativity they experienced from her, but are also horrified by the tragedy that has occurred. It's very sobering, I think, and touches on a lot of interesting themes.

You also don't shy away at all from showing us a very realistic, gritty picture of the uneasy situation in which our nearly starving characters find themselves. Parts of this chapter are almost painful to read, that's how well I think you've captured that pervasive hunger that's taken over all aspects of life for the survivors. The dwindling resources, and Jake's having to think about his priorities, made me think a lot about the ethical and personal dilemnas all the characters would have to face. You did a fantastic job, I think, of exploring a subject that was often touched on in the show, but not always detailed the way you do here: That nearly impossible conflict, at least for the more idealistic characters, when protecting the vulnerable and their own humanity comes into conflict with their own needs and that of their families and close loved ones, and their resources really and truly are limited, with not enough to go around. I find this conflict rather wrenching, and I think you do a great job of showing our favourite characters wrestling with it.

On the lighter side, I just loved seeing Stanley and Mimi here! They number among my all time favourite characters, and Heart of Winter is one of my all time favourite episodes, partly because of them. Now, I know I said 'on the lighter side', but I must say I like the seriousness you've given them here. They are, after all, experiencing some difficult moments themselves, and will soon really be having their characters' tested. I'm glad to see you giving their scenes the weight they deserve. I have to say I found this part interesting:

Jake held his hands up in mock surrender.  "Hey, all I'm sayin' is that in five years, the only gun Heather's ever been willing to touch is a grease gun, and she's a little more ... shall we say, rugged?  Than Mimi."

"Look, you take care of things the way you think is right," Stanley retorted, his tone perhaps a little more biting than he'd intended.  "And let me do the same.  She's comin' along," he insisted, frowning.  "And for Heather's sake, we'll all just keep hopin' nothing ever happens to you."

I realized that, with your 'different circumstances', things are kind of flipped between Jake and Stanley here. Jake is the established family man, and so, of course expecting his priorities to be taken seriously. I couldn't help but feel for Stanley, getting a little riled at Jake's comparison here. I don't know if that's the right way to say it. It's understandable, what each of them is saying in this state of hunger-inspired irritation. I guess what stikes me about all this is that Stanley, being in a newer and not so defined relationship with Mimi, is wanting his concerns for his family to be taken seriously, and it's not that Jake doesn't see them as valid, but it is interesting, the reversal here. So, I like what you're showing us of this relationship, of the relationship between Stanley and Mimi, and the individual moments you've given them here, and I really look forward to seeing how this all plays out through this part.

So, Jake and Heather. It seems funny to comment on them after having spoken of all those tragic or conflict-riddled things I've already mentioned, but of course, they are a part of all of that too, and you also achieved such a great balance here, showing us these different moments in their relationship. I like the contrast between their serious, intimate, loving but also sad Christmas morning waking moment, and the awakening in the past. I'm sure that moment seemed serious at the time, what with the Vice and Virtue squad finally delivering a judgement, but at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder how the post-bombs Heather and Jake would think back on that moment. Of course, there were serious issues at play and it was a turning point in their relationship, but it also seems like a refreshing moment from simpler times, in a way. And that ending...I definitely look forward to the next part, seeing where Jake picks up!

There were a lot of little details I liked in this chapter too, that I don't want to forget to mention. I loved reading the 'domestic squabble' that wasn't a squabble, I think you captured it just right. I laughed at the little story about the Green family trip to Mount Rushmore and Jake and Eric's conflict over hotel room assignments in the midst of the bleak scene our hunting party were observing (I couldn't help it, it was just so Jake and Eric). I have to say I felt for Emily when I heard of how the Green grandparents had reacted to her, disapproving of her for reasons that she had no control over. And Heather singing What are you doing New Year's Eve into the phone amused me. Also, I liked hearing about Jimmy acting as the unofficial informant to the Greens. Very like him, I think. And of course, the Johnston and Gail interaction at the end was wonderful as always.

Great chapter, and I'm so looking forward to seeing more of the DC version of my (other) favourite episode! (And what I think is coming up between Jake and Heather!)




Author's Response:

Penny,

Thanks for such a thought-provoking review.  I must admit that I didn't consciously set out to explore the moral conflicts that all of our favorite characters would face in this new world.  But I did think long and hard about the resource issues they would be facing at this point, and the desperation that would set in as they faced truly not knowing where their next meal would come from.  Karen Harper was one of these people who I especially thought would not be able to handle the stark reality of starvation and might take drastic measures.  I wasn't exactly trying to be shocking with what she did.... but I was trying to show another likely scenario (though not one we'd ever expect from the Greens).

I'm glad that you (oh, Keeper of the Richmonds) enjoyed my Stanley and Mimi.  I really do love them, even if I don't write them all that often.  I also found your analysis of the "flip" here in situations to be very interesting.  Of course, it's exactly what I was thinking when I wrote it. ;-)  Well, you explained it much better than me, so thank you for that.  But yes, even here, I wanted to show the narrowing of loyalties.  Jake would never do anything to purposely injure Stanley, but at this point in the story he still has to weigh how much he can help Stanley because he feels he has to put Heather and their baby and the rest of the family first.  Maybe that's patently obvious, but it is a conflict, and one I tried to explore.

I hadn't thought of having Jake and Heather reminisce about that first morning waking up together....  Now though, it's in my head, so if I ever write that, know it's for you, as you inspired it.  I think you're right, they would look back at that simpler time with fondness. 

Thanks for telling me all the little bits you liked, I do appreciate it.  And, I hope you enjoy what you think is coming in 13B!

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 07 Mar 2009 Title: Chapter 2: Part 13B

Well done, Marzee!

Wow, I'm not sure where to begin with this chapter. Well, I guess I'll begin with the big event. I really really liked how you captured the proposal scene! The moment we've been leading up to for so long was done in such a sweet, simple way, it really seemed natural and I felt like I could see it all happening. It was romantic, and funny, and so true to these characters as we've gotten to know them, I think. I loved the mention of Jason Cale's love note here, and the northern girl in me just loved the snowy atmosphere. Beautiful image, of just them standing up on the water tower, in the midst of all that snow!

I enjoyed the scene with Gramps that followed. This line made me chuckle:

"Well, now your kingdom's as far as the eye can see," Grandpa chortled, "So don't go tradin' away the ranch for a shower just yet, if you don't mind."  Taking note of her startled expression, he smiled at her kindly.  "I only mean you're an official member of the family now, and this is the Green Ranch.  Our kingdom, so to speak."

Of course, Heather's been on her way into the heart of the Green family all along, but it's fun to see this moment where it's become official!

Jake and Heather 'breaking into' the vault was also a fun scene, and I liked Heather's choice of rings (though I think I would pick a ruby), it sounds perfect for her. Especially since it's a star. I imagine we'll get to see some more interesting scenes to come as they begin to plan the wedding.

I also really enjoyed the Gail and Johnston scene. It was a great little quiet moment between them, and I love the additions you made to the scene, from what I remember of the original. It made me chuckle to read about Johnston imagining, with amusement, how it will be to witness Jake adapt to his new role as a parent, and I laughed at the mention of the 'triplets', though I'm also glad they are worrying over and caring for Drake, and the other boys. Also too funny - Gail remembering Gramps' aversion to less-than-fresh babies.

What do you know, I actually saved Stanley and Mimi for last this time. As usual, you captured the present day scenes with such skill, I really felt the suspense for our heroes that I first felt watching these scenes, again as I read. It's funny because I know how it ends, but I really felt the panic and fear Mimi and Jake are experiencing in this moment, and felt for Mimi as she worries over Stanley, Jake as he tries to salvage the situation and protect everyone, and Stanely as he comes to and realizes the dire straights they have suddenly found themselves in. The little additions, what they think and say, are good, and I look forward to reading the next part!

 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 06 Apr 2009 Title: Chapter 3: Part 13C

Great chapter Marzee!

I really liked the contrast in this part, between the tense, struggling-to-survive present day scenes and the lighthearted, happier-days-gone-by scenes from the past.

Once again, though I know exactly how this turns out, I found myself in suspense as I read about Stanley, Mimi, and Jake fighting to keep their heads and not freeze to death. Coincidentally, the temperature went back down to near freezing here (and I did not adjust the thermostat accordingly), so I was actually shivering along as I read, and imagining just how painful it would really be to be that much colder, out on the road, with no sign of help in sight. I could feel the desperation in the scene, the way you wrote it.

I really enjoyed how you captured Stanley and Mimi both here. I think this episode was so important for their characters, as individuals, and I like the moments you gave each of them here. Especially this line:

There was no way she could walk all the way back to Jericho, but Jake was right: they were in mortal danger.  He didn't want anything to happen to Mimi - God, he loved her - but he didn't want to die out here either.  "All right."  The words burst from his mouth almost against his will.

And this line:

Mimi - if she were being honest with herself - was a lot more than nervous.  Scared.  Petrified.  There really wasn't a strong enough word for what she was.  But someone had to save them, and she was it. 

I love how you captured the urgency in these moments - the moments where each of them has to decide there's no more time to think, and then they just go for it. I also felt for poor Jake of course, trapped and unable to do anything or even will himself to care that he is slipping away from the life he's worked so long to protect.

Much as I loved that scene, it felt like coming in from the cold for a bit when we go back in time to the aftermath of Heather and Jake's engagement. Gail's reaction was sweet and funny and so in character, but Johnston's was priceless. I'm glad Heather and Jake got the reaction they were hoping for.

Joe's reaction was very real, I think. I felt for him, getting such a surprise, and I admired how he seemed to be taking it in stride. Of course he worries that his only daughter is suddenly marrying some guy who hasn't even gone through the meet-the-family test yet. I look forward to that scene! Something tells me the Lisinski boys won't all be quite as quick to take it into stride with the same calmness as Joe does.

And back to the freezing fight for survival. I have to say, this Stanley and Jake scene was one of my favourite scenes, in the entire series, and I like what you've done with it here. I chuckled over Stanley's amendment to the Costa Rica trip plan, found it interesting to see Jake telling a slightly different story about his whereabouts, and found it all the more heart wrenching to think of what Jake is leaving behind as he feels himself slipping away. I loved seeing Stanley do whatever he could to help his friend hold on, and though I knew it was coming, I felt relieved when Gail and Johnston showed up. Great work and I look forward to the next chapter!

 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 24 May 2009 Title: Chapter 4: Part 13D

Great job as usual, Marzee!

I liked the set up of the chapter, our unsuspecting characters at the med centre trying to keep upbeat as they anticipate a trek home and what little food might be there, while we know what they're about to find out concerning the hunting party. I'm glad Heather has so many people around her to help out in a situation like this. I was especially touched at Stanley's concern that she not know Jake's final words to him, and how he tries to protect his friends here. (And glad Mimi's looking out for him too!)

I enjoyed the appearance of Mikey, Jeff, and Drake here, as usual. They always add something to the scenes in which they appear. I really liked Drake running out to the scene of the accident, perhaps slightly reluctantly. Well, maybe not reluctantly, but it`s a stressful scene and it`s got to be a little hard for him, after all he`s been through, when these things come up I guess. I`m just saying, I`m glad he's doing it, helping out.

I enjoyed April's reaction to the news of the wedding. You continue to develop the friendship between her and Heather, to what we see it evolved to in the post-bombs scenes. Heather and Jake's early wedding plans are fun, and I'm sure we'll hear a lot more in the chapters to come. I laughed about Niagara Falls - it's the wedding capital where I'm from for sure.

Lastly, I have to congratulate you on how you captured the scene between Jake and Johnston, alone on the road discussing Jake`s darkest secret. This was one of my favourite scenes in the series, certainly between these two characters, and like many other scenes from this episode, you wrote it so well, I could feel the cold and desperation in the moment, but also, Johnston`s best efforts to comfort his son, in a way he wasn`t used to doing. Nice work!

I look forward to reading the next part!

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 28 Jun 2009 Title: Chapter 5: Part 13E

Great work, Marzee!

As usual, I think you used contrast in a really interesting way, juxtaposing here the earlier scenes of intimacy between Jake and Heather, when their relationship was new (or they were taking it to a new level), with these scenes of them as a more mature couple, facing life and death circumstances. Both scenes have an impact on these characters' lives, despite how different they are, and there are paralells too.

I also want to note that it was interesting reading about how to warm someone up when they have reached near freezing-to-death. I'm not sure how often I note the well-researched technical explanations and other aspects of the post bombs universe for which you provide background or description (like the election), but it's something you do really well, that adds another level to your story, making it much more than a romance or a character driven piece. I really get the sense that this is a whole world inhabited by these somewhat familiar characters, though they are also your own characters as well.

In this chapter, I enjoyed seeing how your characters changed and evolved, how their perspectives were radically different on this freezing night than that more carefree, exciting freezing night of five years earlier. I enjoyed the appearance of Mikey, Drake and Jeff again, and liked how you ended with Jake and Johnston, after the transformative moment they shared earlier.

One more thing I have to mention - I loved the way you sprinkled humour throughout this story. It was a perfect counterpoint to all the serious stuff going on. I especially liked the mention of (and longer version of) the story of Stanley and Jake's fireworks scheme.

Great work and I look forward, as always, to the next part.

Be My Bizarro Valentine by Marzee Doats Rated: T (Contains Content Not Suitable for Children) [Reviews - 3]
Summary:

Jake and Heather celebrate the first Valentine's Day after the bombs.


Categories: Jake/Heather, Holidays > Valentines Day
Characters: April Green, Heather Lisinski, Jake Green
Episode/Spoilers For: 1.16 - Winter's End, 1.17 - One Man's Terrorist, 1.18 - A.K.A.
Genres: Alternate Universe, Romance
Series: Bizarro World
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 8125 Read Count: 15564
[Report This] Published: 14 Feb 2009 Updated: 14 Feb 2009
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 17 Feb 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Be My Bizarro Valentine

A lovely Bizarro World installment, Marzee!

I was expecting this to be a sweet, romantic story, but was struck by the emotion underneath it all, especially where April's death and the Green family's grief was concerned. You write April as such a good friend, sister, daughter, and with such personality, and you handled her death with a sensitivity that really got to me, with the way it reverberates through her family and friends' lives and continues to affect them.

There are a couple random things I just loved that I really wanted to mention. In no particular order, they are:

-The little glimpse we got of the Richmonds here. It was just perfect. Especially Bonnie's wanting to spend New Year's at a 'real party'.

-Jake and Heather's discussion about concerns of getting scurvy. As a student still learning to cook for one and shop during busy, essay-writing times, I am a little familiar with that concern.

-Heather and Jake's Law and Order episode. I laughed so hard at all the references, from Munch appearing for another crossover and working with Briscoe, to Green's crush on Kincaid, to the plot Heather makes up drawing on real life. It was really interesting because it made me think of how people would pass time after the bombs, and how interesting to think that people are now making their own entertainment based on the entertainment they used to watch on tv.

-The tomatos. A perfect gift, and funny that they've replaced long-stemmed red roses.

Alright, so Jake and Heather, who I've saved for last even though this is their story. There's just so much going on for them here. First of all, I loved reading of their continuing growing closeness, helping each other cope with April's death and the difficult circumstances they continue to face in the changing world. Thank you for writing a Heather who is making the trip to New Bern, even if just for a few days. A perfect compromise between Heather deciding to go out there and take chances and a Heather who is taking a different kind of chance, in a relationship with Jake, giving Heather a good reason to stay in town, belonging to a family of sorts. I also loved that Heather proposed to Jake, and that they came to this momentous decision in a such a simple conversation. I'm not a huge fan of sentimentalism, so I found this conversation romantic and really liked the way you captured the moment. Subtle and sweet, and I think you did an excellent job, with the entire thing!

Looking forward to more!

Surviving on Coffee by AveryB Rated: K+ (Some Content May Not be Suitable for Young Children) [Reviews - 3]
Summary:

Two residents of Jericho play the role of polite strangers though they find themselves wanting more.  Snapshots of scenes we should have seen in early season two.


Categories: Jake/Heather
Characters: Heather Lisinski, Jake Green
Episode/Spoilers For: 2.01 - Reconstruction, 2.02 - Condor, 2.03 - Jennings & Rall
Genres: Drama
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1787 Read Count: 16105
[Report This] Published: 30 Jun 2009 Updated: 30 Jun 2009
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 02 Jul 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Surviving on Coffee

Good story, Avery!

I was glad to see this posted here. You did a great job giving us some of the quieter character moments I found myself missing in season two. I really liked how you shifted so nicely between characters' perspectives here, giving us a glimpse into what both Jake and Heather are feeling, under everything they're not saying.

I like how you use one simple, concrete, every day thing, coffee, to tie everything together. It's obviously about so much more than a caffeine fix, when these characters take time out to reflect on their situation and the things going on in their world.

Thanks for sharing!

Different Circumstances, Part 14 by Marzee Doats Rated: T (Contains Content Not Suitable for Children) [Reviews - 27]
Summary:

What if circumstances were different, and Jake and Heather had met long before the school bus?  An alternate version of Jericho in which Jake and Heather are married and expecting.  A re-telling of the Jericho episode Semper Fidelis.


Categories: Green Family, Jake/Heather
Characters: April Green, Bonnie Richmond, Eric Green, Gail Green, Gray Anderson, Heather Lisinski, Jake Green, Johnston Green, Maggie Mullin, Mimi Clark, Roger Hammond, Stanley Richmond
Episode/Spoilers For: 1.15 - Semper Fidelis
Genres: Alternate Universe, Drama, Romance
Series: Different Circumstances
Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 87263 Read Count: 246264
[Report This] Published: 17 Aug 2009 Updated: 12 Nov 2013
Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 24 Aug 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Part 14A

Nice chapter, Marzee, and I was glad to see another installment of the DC series posted! And the beginnings of an alternate version of another episode :)

Semper Fidelis was never my favourite episode to begin with, but I think it grew on me over time, and one aspect I liked was that it had some of the energy of the group scenes we didn't get as much of in the two episodes before it. You've got that here in the opening, I think, with the town struggling through meetings, and then gathered outside to see what they can of this new development in town. I could feel the rock-and-hard-place anxiety of the people trying to find the best way to stretch impossible rations for everyone, and appreciated the different opinions we got on the subject, and I could feel the excitement of the onlookers feeling that at last, someone was offering a way out of the certain starvation that seems looming ahead.

I liked the addition of the town council members, it was good to hear from them, as well as Stanley's interjections (thank you for making him an important voice for an important segment of the population) and also Roger. Roger was a character who I always found rather interesting, with his arc, and sympathetic, but he appeared for such a short time, really, I don't always think of him, so it was interesting to read of him again here. I could see his passionate defense of his 'people' beginning to grow.

I enjoyed the back-in-the-day scenes as well. Jake and Heather adjusting to their new status as an engaged couple, coping with the limelight on the plane, was quite amusing, and of course, sweet. I of course, loved the Mikey scenes we got here. I imagine Mikey will be somewhat easier to win over for Jake than the older brothers, and he's gotten off to a good start, helping him out with parking and gas money. I also really liked the little glimpse we got of Tommy's work, and it was too funny how Heather and Jake managed to tune in just in time to hear their good news being broadcast all over Buffalo, as well as to hear the foreboding plans the brothers Lisinski may have in store for their sister's cowboy. Something tells me Jake might want to watch out, but I'm sure he can handle whatever they've got planned.

I also liked the ice fishing detail, Ridley's group's description (and that they're staying! I couldn't remember if they left before the Marines showed up in the original or not) and the introduction of Maggie (another character who grew on me). Great chapter, and I look forward to the next !

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 08 Dec 2009 Title: Chapter 2: Part 14B

Nice chapter, Marzee! It seemed very approriate for this wintery day, for some reason, as I'm watching a winter storm move in, and this chapter was a nice snowy evening read.

I enjoyed the scene at the hockey rink, in the past, as Jake had a quick introduction by fire to the family, being left holding the baby in what, the first twenty minutes? Very humorous and fun dynamic to the scene, with the sisters-in-law triple threat added to by the cousin and family friend. As someone who grew up with a large extended family with a lot more boys than girls, I can only imagine how phase two of this introduction will go.

I liked Maggie's appearance here. I think you've captured her wry survivor-sense-of-humour in her expressions and reactions to things, and have just the right combination of that humour and hints at more going on underneath Maggie's survivor's shield of armour. The interaction between her and Mikey was interesting, they do have certain things in common, but this part really amused me:

 Bill had scrounged a couple of tool kits - one with a soldering iron that still worked - from the storeroom and had brought them into the office, blushing and stammering as he'd presented them to Maggie, much to her amusement.  "Well, thank you, Deputy," she's acknowledged as he'd nearly tripped over a chair, backing out of the room.

Looks like Corporal Mullin's got herself an admirer. In seriousness, though, I have a soft spot for this character, she was so interesting and vulnerable, and so I liked her inclusion here, and was happy to see she now has a category on this site!

I also have to mention I liked the little backstory into the Richmonds here, and their friendship with the Greens. I so felt for poor Stanley as I heard about what was the worst night of his young life.

As always it was interesting to see the contrast between Jake and Heather of the past, dealing with what probably seem trivial issues in the present, uncomfortable encounters with ex's relatives and overwhelming introductions to sisters-in-law and infants, but still, those things are significant at the time, and so valid, but also in this case, funny. The present scene was poignant and I really felt for Jake, trying to deal with difficult, traumatic experiences in a time and place where, in a sense, he doesn't really get to deal because he has so much expected (or thinks he's got so much expected) of him. Not that people don't understand and want to help him, just that he's always, out of necessity, got to move on to the next thing. And though they do want to help him and understand, I think in a way they are depending on him to be strong for them, as he usually is. It was good that him and Heather did take a moment then, to talk about how they felt instead of trying to brave through it.

The chapter had a good balance of humorous and more serious present moments. I enjoyed it and look forward to the next!

 

 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 28 Nov 2012 Title: Chapter 4: Part 14D

Glad to see another chapter of your story Marzee!

One of the things you do that I really like is how you include a lot of little true to life details in a scene that add texture and dimension to it. Some of the moments/details that I liked in this part:

Quote:

 "My Mom invented the snowstorm picnic to give us all something to do if the power went out. Dad always had to go into work of course, even if we still had electricity it was pretty much guaranteed to be out somewhere," she explained."

I love the idea of the snowstorm picnic! Sounds like fun and the kind of weird, individual tradition a family would have. It develops the Lisinski family's playfulness that we've already seen in earlier scenes. 

Quote:

 

"Yeah, I took Jake to see the Falls," Heather answered, seating herself and accepting the cupcake that Mandy passed her way.  "Went into Canada, which was fine.  Fun.    But lucky we had lunch there because coming back was ridiculous.  Took almost two hours!" she complained.  "I mean I'm used to traffic on the bridge delaying things but I've never gotten the third degree the way I did today."

"Right," Deborah acknowledged, her nose wrinkling.  "I haven't been over since..."  She paused for a significant few seconds and then clearing her throat, added, "You know.

I like the way these really time and space specific details are somewhat in the background here, but hinting at a big thing happening for the characters at the time. Specific people at a specific time of their life, but linked to a cultural moment all the universe's characters (and us readers) experienced. We know how what happened is on their minds, influencing how they feel, even if they say barely anything about it, and it gives the 'present day' scenes an interesting contrast but also continuity. Bigger, sadder events were intruding on this somewhat insulated moment of family fun, just as the bigger, somewhat harsher outside world is about to intrude on the dinner at town hall. It's neat.

Quote:

 "My maiden name's McKisson," she explained, catching Jake's eye, "Which trust me, you don't find on coat of arms plaques in gift shops anywhere, even Ireland, plus naturally all the boys called me Mandy McKisser from like fifth grade on.  Half the reason I wouldn't go to Homecoming with Steven Hurlbutt when he asked me.  What if I'd fallen in love with him?  No way I was gonna marry out of McKisser and into Hurlbutt."

Poor Mandy McKisser! Though I would say I've heard a couple more unfortunate names than that, this made me laugh. There is a particular kind of pathos evoked by memories of what people do to our names in childhood I think. It could be something  not even that bad but that very specific indignity could be very haunting. I don't blame her for wanting to stay away from Hurlbutt!

To comment on a bigger picture kind of thing, I really like the way you weave together these scenes with contrasting emotional levels. There's the mostly easy-going, happy occasion in the past and the uneasy present, and the kinds of conversations they're having (reminiscing, teasing, but hiding some things in the past and the trying to be jovial but hiding things in anothe specific way in the present) are juxtaposed in a neat way.

Lastly, I was intrigued by the Maggie versus Michael showdown at the end. On the one hand, poor Mikey! It's interesting how his reasons for approaching Maggie are different from Jake's but also make sense given what we have learned about him so far, though I imagine he may be in for further heartache. It's interesting to see the contrast between him, as a survivor still trying to be vulnerable in a sense while trying to steel himself against the kind of desperate actions Maggie might have had to take, with the imposter marine herself. I've always liked and sympathized with Maggie, trying to survive with no one to help her but herself, wandering through a world she can't seem to find her place in. Maybe because of his specific circumstances, Mike might be able to understand this about her and see past the threat she poses but this very difference might also be what makes them unable to compromise.

Thanks for the thought-provoking read!





Author's Response:

Thank you for the feedback, Penny.  You know how valuable I think your opinions are. :-)

And thank you for writing about Mikey.  He is my favorite original character and the little brother I always wanted (as opposed to the one I got), so naturally he holds a very special place in my heart.  I've very protective and a very proud big sister when anyone wants to talk about my little bro.

I  liked Maggie, too... not for Jake, but I think she can work for Mikey.  You're the one who convinced me that she's a graduate student turned refugee/fake marine, and that really helps me see the two of them as similar, two peas in one slightly mightmarish pod.  Anyway, I don't think this is the last we will see of the Maggie and Mikey dynamic...

Thank you!

Marzee

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 25 Aug 2013 Title: Chapter 5: Part 14E

Marzee, I'm glad to see the next chapter posted! I found this part was really full of emotional ups and downs. Here are some of the parts I especially liked:

Quote:

“He threw her a look that clearly questioned her sanity. “And what?” he growled, “Wait for him to tell the whole town when we’re half a mile out? It’d be Greenville all over again,” he predicted grimly.

A shudder ran through Maggie. “But we’re not killers,” she argued.

“I was a P.E. teacher who saw too many movies,” Hill snorted, “So now I’m a Marine. I’m adapting.””

This really got to me, and their dilemma seemed really real and I wished they could be okay too, at the same time as I want them to leave the Jericho residents unharmed. I don't always focus a lot on the fake Marines when I watch “Semper Fidelis,” because of course they're clearly a malevolent Trojan horse kind of threat and we just want our protagonists to figure it out in time, and I guess we don't really get to see things from their POV that much and when we do, we see the hardened, super pragmatic attitude Hill shows here. Maggie is really our only window into whatever vulnerability and tragedy they also carry with them, and I like how you showcase her here. You use the stuff that we saw on the show, but add the extra commentary (Hill looks at her like she's crazy, which is true in the narrative they've been living in all the time we haven't seen them, and Maggie just wanting a return to the life she led before where her instinct for right wasn't a luxury) that gives us a window, however brief, into what's going on for these outsiders, and when I think about it, even the contrasting views Hill and Maggie show each make sense for them in their particular life narrative at this moment. It's interesting, the way “Semper Fidelis” and “One Man's Terrorist,” two episodes so close together, present us these two different narratives of a group of outsiders who have been living an entirely different kind of struggle since the bombs, and in both cases we see them fitting in the roles of antagonists or threats, but then there are those moments where something happens to shift how we and the characters view them. These windows in, where everything you think is really transformed. I never really thought much about these two stories being so close together, so parallel in some ways and going in completely different directions in other ways. I look forward to seeing how you incorporate the second outsider story into your alternate universe.

 

Quote:

"Okay," the mayor muttered, momentarily distracted. "Okay, okay," he began again, his attention focused on Johnston. "So I agree to do this your way, you're all gonna do somethin' my way. Those refugees that Roger Hammond brought here, they hafta accept half rations until relief –"

"Half rations?" Jake repeated, incredulous. "That's – that's a death sentence for fifty, sixty people!"

"You wanna have somethin' to eat in a month?" Gray demanded, "Food for your wife, your mom? This is the price."

"Better to cut 'em off totally," Stanley argued. "At least if they had to leave, they'd have a chance."

"But we do that, we lose our X factor," Johnston sighed. "This – this is the only way."

Gray let out a humorless bark of laughter. "Well, you know, like I used to tell Stevens, you know the deal's done when everybody feels a little bit screwed."

Speaking of, I do like the foreshadowing here. What a conflict these guys are in for, and don't even know how much so. I liked the handling of this discussion, and though of course the Greens (and Brett) seem more right in this particular argument (and I'm glad they all recognized the need for some people beyond even their particular nearest and dearest knowing something so important for all their survival, instead of keeping that important info in the hands of one small group), they are all still struggling with a looming decision for which there are no satisfactory answers. Everybody's wrong and right, I think (even Gray).

Quote:

"Ew, Dad!" Michael protested, "Aren't you going to make this stop?"

"Yeah, that's – that's against house rules," John insisted.

Deborah threaded her way between her husband and father-in-law and entered the living room, depositing a bowl of potato chips and a tub of bacon ranch dip on the coffee table. She shook her head at the couple. "You two," she complained fondly.

Joe Lisinski knew that his sons believed that Heather was his favorite child, and while it wasn't true – not really – it was true that his relationship with his daughter was different from that with his sons. There were times when she was completely unfathomable to him, but more often he felt that he understood Heather the best of all his children. And this was one of those times. Her brothers' teasing over her relationship with Jake, the fact that they had treated her falling in love as if it were a joke, their idle threats to interrogate him – these things had all worn on Heather, and she certainly wasn't above getting a little payback. "I'm not seeing anything I haven't walked in on before in this house, Andy-Deb-Mandy-John-Kerry," Joe responded, "And," he continued, catching his daughter's eye, "I think your sister might be trying to torture you all, just a little bit."

LOL! Not allowed to play Twister and they think they can get away with this? I did like Joe's response. As a sister of brothers, I am sensitive to double standards and it's always weird to occupy the (real or supposed) “different” place in your family that being an “only” gives you. I like that Joe understands Heather the individual and recognizes the ways in which they are alike. Another layer of this neat relationship you have given her in the past scenes.

Quote:

“Tommy was carrying two beers, but he handed one off to Michael, then offered Jake his hand. "Nice to meetcha." Taking a drink, he studied Jake silently – appraisingly – then glanced at his older brother, joking, "You getting a lotta good barbeque advice from a real cowboy, huh?"

"C'mon, Tommy," Andrew admonished, turning a bratwurst. "Jake's cool." Out of the corner of his eye he saw his youngest brother take a swig from the bottle Tommy had given him, and he shook his head. "Mike –" Andrew began, his voice terse. He stopped himself, and settled for advising, "Just don't let Dad or Deb see, okay?"

"Oh, give 'im a break, Andy," Tommy argued gruffly. "It's just a beer, and it's not like we're leavin' the property."

"And Dad would've given you or me hell for the same thing," Andrew reminded. He looked at Jake. "Heather went so easy on Dad when she was a teenager, he completely let down his guard and Mike can basically get away with murder now. Though," he continued, frowning softly as he glanced between Michael and Jake, "You don't have to arrest him or something?"

"Sorry," Jake told him, shrugging. "I'm not on the clock, and alcohol's not really in my job description. I'm DEA, that's ATF," he explained, "And even the ATF's more worried about illegal trafficking and whether all the right taxes have been paid." Jake took a drink, and then added, "Besides, I try to avoid arresting anybody for something I've done myself. But," he finished, glancing at Michael, "Don't let Heather see either."

"Well, I'm not an idiot," Michael huffed softly.”

I enjoyed the scenes with Jake meeting the various Lisinski brothers in the past. They struck a nice balance between humour and the awkwardness of meeting new people and being immersed in a specific group of people's culture, trying to find ways you fit into it and figure out what the unspoken rules are while still being yourself, and that added cautiousness you get when the people are really close to someone you're really close to. I liked how their different personalities come across in little ways (Tommy the joker, Andrew the responsible leader, Mikey trying to fit in and assert himself among his elders).

Quote:

"You know, Mike," Zack threw out, "You should take a shift now and then with the border patrol. Like Jeff," he added, "Keep your skills up."

Michael nodded, not sure how else to respond. He really had never held an actual, shoots bullets, gun – had never wanted to – but it was starting to seem pretty foolish not to learn how to use one if only so he had one more way to feed and protect himself and others. It'd be a little embarrassing, but he decided then that he'd ask Jake to teach him. Certainly he'd suffered other – even worse – humiliations in front of his brother-in-law and survived. "Yeah, good idea," he muttered, "Keep my skills up."

Poor Mikey! Well, you already know how I feel about the youngest Lisinski brother, I am already likely to sympathize with him, but I really liked his moments in this scene. He's at a strange moment of transition in his life, in this time, and I like seeing the ways he tries to hold onto his humanity and the ways he chooses to be as a survivor while at the same time adapting to the rules of each new place he finds himself. I have a feeling I'm going to be saying “Poor Mikey” more in the future, but I also think he's likely to be go through everything and come out different but okay, if he's made it this far and is still holding onto so much of his former self (and rising to occasions in the present too).

Quote:

"It's not gonna work," she interrupted, frowning at him. They were far enough from town hall and the crowd that they didn't really need to maintain the charade, and Maggie adjusted her weapon – her empty, useless weapon – so that she wore it over her shoulder by its strap. "I almost wish I didn't like you so much, Mike," she told him, looking at him sideways and blinking hard. "If I didn't, I could just stay here, and let the chips fall where they may. One hundred percent After Maggie," she admitted. "But I do like you," she said attempting a smile and failing miserably. "It wouldn't work, not after the story we told. And not with story you're all plannin' to tell."

"But –"

"Please, Mike. Let me – just let me be Before Maggie again, okay?" she requested, her voice cracking with a suppressed sob. "Anyway, she's the one you like."

Aw, Maggie! I will try not to sound like a broken record, but I always feel for Maggie. Her story is so interesting and sad, and so little focused on in the main story of Jericho. I always wanted to know what happened to her (though I assumed she didn't make it), and thought her particular position in the post-bombs world was so tragic and so pertinent really to so many of us who don't live in a small town, surrounded by family and friends, without a practical training in survival. I really like the glimpses you give us into her mind and the somber sort of resignation she has here. It makes sense she cuts loose from the other fake marines after this, and her ability to survive as a single agent this far is so impressive, but I still fear a Russian tragedy outcome may be on the horizon for her.

Looking forward to see how you close out this chapter!




Author's Response:

 

Penny,

As always, thanks so much for reviewing.  I always learn something about my own story from your comments.  It's great to have someone who can look at what I've done with fresh eyes.  I truly appreciate that you do that for me!

 

Quote:

Gray let out a humorless bark of laughter. "Well, you know, like I used to tell Stevens, you know the deal's done when everybody feels a little bit screwed."

Speaking of, I do like the foreshadowing here. What a conflict these guys are in for, and don't even know how much so. I liked the handling of this discussion, and though of course the Greens (and Brett) seem more right in this particular argument (and I'm glad they all recognized the need for some people beyond even their particular nearest and dearest knowing something so important for all their survival, instead of keeping that important info in the hands of one small group), they are all still struggling with a looming decision for which there are no satisfactory answers. Everybody's wrong and right, I think (even Gray).

 

I always felt like I was blindsided when the half rations thing came up in One Man's Terrorist, so since I had the opportunity to show how that might have come about here, I went for it.  And it seemed to tie nicely in with the beginning of this part of Different Circumstances (which has taken me entirely too long to put together).  But, yes, it is a tough situation with no good or easy answers. :-(

 

LOL! Not allowed to play Twister and they think they can get away with this? I did like Joe's response. As a sister of brothers, I am sensitive to double standards and it's always weird to occupy the (real or supposed) “different” place in your family that being an “only” gives you. I like that Joe understands Heather the individual and recognizes the ways in which they are alike. Another layer of this neat relationship you have given her in the past scenes.

 

Well, I don't know if Heather thought she was going to get away with anything, but she certainly knows how to throw down the gauntlet, don't you think?  I have really enjoyed inventing the Lisinskis, so it makes my day to hear that Joe and Heather have a "neat relationship".  Thank you!

 

I enjoyed the scenes with Jake meeting the various Lisinski brothers in the past. They struck a nice balance between humour and the awkwardness of meeting new people and being immersed in a specific group of people's culture, trying to find ways you fit into it and figure out what the unspoken rules are while still being yourself, and that added cautiousness you get when the people are really close to someone you're really close to. I liked how their different personalities come across in little ways (Tommy the joker, Andrew the responsible leader, Mikey trying to fit in and assert himself among his elders).

You don't mention poor John!  Never fear, he gets his moment soon….

 

As for Maggie and Mikey, they are my truly star-crossed, just couldn't happen couple.  Actually, I was most worried about posting this part because of them – I think I was really, really mean to them.  :-(  And I adore Mikey, so it kills me to break his heart.  I will definitely have to try and make it up to him later…. Hopefully Maggie too.

 

 

 

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed
Date: 02 Dec 2013 Title: Chapter 6: Part 14F

Excellent continuation of your triumphant return, Marzee!

As usual, I love all the little human touches of humour and pathos you weave through present scenes that revisit things we already know and a few that we haven't seen.

In the opening, I liked those little character moments that set each person apart with an individual point of view - Johnston reflecting on feeling cold just from looking at his poor, heroic son, Zack wanting a chance to drive the tank, and Mikey, who's experienced so many weird and scary things and really, a post-apocalyptic coming of age (does it count if one has surpassed teenagehood? A post-apocalyptic roughening anyway), feeling relieved at Zack's still youthful playfulness, despite his ease with a weapon.

I also really loved how you showed us Stanley the good friend, knowing Jake enough to know to take care around him, reading the signs and trying to anticipate what his friend needs. I also liked the return, later in the chapter, of their friendship (or I guess the spectre of their friendship), both in the story of their live-to-one-hundred pact (they wanted to outlive everyone who could tell them what to do, and I wonder if they will reflect on this ever in the trying times ahead when they are in charge of their own difficult situations), and in Jake's conversations with his future brother-in-law.

I also liked the balance between their closeness and their fairly recent distance in their conversation about Jake's big secret. Especially this:

Quote: It was the truth, but not the whole truth. He couldn't seem to force those words up out of his throat. I killed her. But Jake couldn't say it. He didn't want Stanley to know that about him – he didn't want anyone to know that about him, and it was bad enough that his father now knew, but he wasn't going to tell his best friend.

This is such a telling line in terms of Jake's character. He has this close relationship with his best friend, close enough to go this far, but his secretive side takes over and holds this darkest secret close still. Telling at its continuing impact on his life and that his life goals that he's willing to share and focus on are, at the moment, so far away from this horrible moment in the past and so close to his own friend's present goals of domestic, steady life. Also, Stanley loves French toast? Man after my own heart. Actually, I love pancakes too. I guess I'm torn.

The descriptions of the guys trying to handle the smell made me laugh at first, and then I felt bad. It gave those scenes all a nice texture, but really made me feel for the fake marines. The smell of desperation, super tangible, and a reminder of a kind of horror at what they'd done, but also a horror of what they'd experienced, is quite a motif I think. And a really neat kind of harbinger of what's to come, when we have these characters who observed and caught on to the fake marines, from a defensive position and one where they can still react with horror, actually descending into their vehicle and handling their violently-obtained gains of battle. And then all the terrible smells stay on their clothes, and I can't help but think and wonder about what kinds of (to them, now unimaginable) things they might have to do in the future and how they might have to get their hands dirty too. Of course, I only know how things happened in that other universe, but I assume things are still going to get darker for the poor denizens of DC Jericho before things get lighter.

Quote: "So – so none of it is true," Mimi decided, sighing tiredly. She could feel her eyes filling with tears, so she stared at her feet, willing it all to go away.

"We don't know what's true or not true," Jake said. "Maybe there was a war, maybe there wasn't. Maybe there's one president, maybe there's still six. Could go either way. We're just back where we were this morning, that's all."

Stanley reached for Mimi's hand squeezing it tightly. "Hey, Uncle Sam," he teased, "You'll still get to New York…. You just – just hafta hang out with us here a little longer, 'kay?"

"Right," she agreed after a long moment, clearing her throat. Blinking hard, Mimi raised her head and met his gaze. "I'm – I'm okay," she declared unconvincingly. "I'll be okay. I'm just gonna go up to the house, okay?"

Poor Mimi! I really felt for her and I think you've really nicely captured how she might react to this terrible news – her grief is openly tangible but she's also still enough of an independent player to need to sort it out alone for a while. This was a moment I'm glad we got to see here, as in a sense I think Mimi is getting dealt the biggest blow by this news (even though it's no picnic for everyone else), and it is neat to see her at this weird crossroads, where she's somewhat become part of the community, being included in the secret and acknowledged as attached to someone, but also still apart as she's understandably shaken by the loss of her chance to leave and return to her former way of life and comfort zone. I loved also how you showed Stanley caring for her in what he has come to sense is the right way for her. The Stanley and Bonnie moment, with the siblings at this antagonistic but still ultimately (somewhat, in the big picture) united moment, is just right too.

Quote: Michael didn't even bother looking back over his shoulder, settling instead for raising his hand in acknowledgment as he pushed through the door between the kitchen and dining room. "Yes, Miss Bossy Heather."

I was going to say “Poor Mikey!” but I realized that would be funny, about someone being told to take a shower, coming right after my sympathizing with Mimi finding out her hopes for her old life were dashed. I will say this brother-sister relationship continues to crack me up in the past and it is sweet in the present.

Quote: For the remainder of the afternoon, Heather had babied him – not that Jake had objected – retrieving his shoes from the locker they'd rented, bringing him coffee and Reese's from the snack bar, and even sneaking him a couple of Tylenol from her purse. Eventually, at his urging and her nieces' cajoling, she'd returned to the rink for a half hour or so, skating around the oval with the two little girls a few times before they'd ended up on the ice directly in front of him. They – Heather included – had shown him every trick they knew how to do on skates, while Jake had cheered and clapped. Finally, Andrew had told the girls that it was time to go, and Heather had decided that they needed to head over to John's and Kerry's for their dinner date.

I liked the descriptions of the rest of Jake and Heather's weekend visiting her family – it sounded like a perfect mix of fun and the occasional awkward moment. I especially liked the way Heather both did her best to help Jake acclimatize to his new role in her life and family, but also got her moments to shine in her natural (well, original) habitat, and got her turn on the ice!

Quote: "Yeah," April answered a few seconds later. "Yeah, tomorrow's okay. But, in general, my medical advice is to take it easy, okay? And," she continued, fixing a hard stare on Jake, "Avoid strenuous activities for the next few days, okay?"

"You're makin' Heather blush, you know," Jake returned blandly – and without bothering to look at his wife, who had pressed her face into his shoulder, most likely to hide her embarrassment.

Haha! I do like April's sense of humour. I like, too, the balance of levity and solemnity in the little moments between Jake and Heather in the present. It's also neat in this chapter to see the contrast between these two times in their lives, surrounded in the first by the family Heather grew up with and Jake is choosing to join, making the plans for their lives that seem in a sense far away, and in the second surrounded by Jake's and Heather's family, partly of origin and partly friends they have chosen, making new plans the best they can in a future that's even more tenuous but also tenable.

Nicely done and I look forward to the next chapter!

 

 

 

 

 

 




Author's Response:

First of all, thank you so much for your review, Penny Lane.  :-)

I could probably go through and  respond to each and every line, but I will restrain myself and somehow stick to the "highlights".

 

Quote: In the opening, I liked those little character moments that set each person apart with an individual point of view - Johnston reflecting on feeling cold just from looking at his poor, heroic son, Zack wanting a chance to drive the tank, and Mikey, who's experienced so many weird and scary things and really, a post-apocalyptic coming of age (does it count if one has surpassed teenagehood? A post-apocalyptic roughening anyway), feeling relieved at Zack's still youthful playfulness, despite his ease with a weapon.

I definitely think that Mikey is having a post-apocalyptic coming of age – that is the perfect description of it, so thank you for that.  Not that anyone expected the lives they've ended up with, but Mikey's is especially different from the one he imagined.  Plus, after taking that one brave risk of travelling cross country to get to his sister (whom he thought was alone and possibly vulnerable out in Kansas) he's having to again and again make "brave choices" and finding that  it's not so easy to do.  So truly 'coming of age'.

 

Quote: I also liked the balance between their closeness and their fairly recent distance in their conversation about Jake's big secret.

This is such a telling line in terms of Jake's character. He has this close relationship with his best friend, close enough to go this far, but his secretive side takes over and holds this darkest secret close still. Telling at its continuing impact on his life and that his life goals that he's willing to share and focus on are, at the moment, so far away from this horrible moment in the past and so close to his own friend's present goals of domestic, steady life. Also, Stanley loves French toast? Man after my own heart. Actually, I love pancakes too. I guess I'm torn.

I just can't see Jake giving up this particular secret willingly.  Add to that, that I have a head filled with DC backstory, one in which Jake's ultimate goal is a nice, quiet, family-oriented life – basically the opposite of his darkest secret, at least in his mind.  This probably isn't the Jake that canon intends, but having lived with DC Jake running around my brain for so many years now, I will confess that I find mine more interesting.  The stakes seem higher for him, and that's what interests me the most.  As for breakfast, I'm torn too.  I'll go with either of these guys if they're doing the cooking! ;-)

 

Quote: The descriptions of the guys trying to handle the smell made me laugh at first, and then I felt bad. It gave those scenes all a nice texture, but really made me feel for the fake marines. The smell of desperation, super tangible, and a reminder of a kind of horror at what they'd done, but also a horror of what they'd experienced, is quite a motif I think. And a really neat kind of harbinger of what's to come, when we have these characters who observed and caught on to the fake marines, from a defensive position and one where they can still react with horror, actually descending into their vehicle and handling their violently-obtained gains of battle. And then all the terrible smells stay on their clothes, and I can't help but think and wonder about what kinds of (to them, now unimaginable) things they might have to do in the future and how they might have to get their hands dirty too. Of course, I only know how things happened in that other universe, but I assume things are still going to get darker for the poor denizens of DC Jericho before things get lighter.

Thank you for using the word "motif".  That truly made my day.  To be honest, I first just thought that this group of people had been living out of this one vehicle for who knows how long, and of course wouldn't it smell?  Then I thought about how much bigger that would make their secret, how it would increase the risk every time they tried their ruse once again.  All it would take is one person sticking their head in the tank, and wouldn't they have some explaining to do?  Anyway, I couldn't let it go once the idea occurred to me.  As for the smell that permeates our heroes skin and clothes, I think most of it is in their heads… the little bit that Heather can smell on Jake is only because she knows exactly what he smells like normally.  And, as for what's to come… well, I will just say that some of the details will stay the same, some will change…and you'll just have to keep reading if you want to know more! :-)

 

Quote: Poor Mimi! I really felt for her and I think you've really nicely captured how she might react to this terrible news – her grief is openly tangible but she's also still enough of an independent player to need to sort it out alone for a while. This was a moment I'm glad we got to see here, as in a sense I think Mimi is getting dealt the biggest blow by this news (even though it's no picnic for everyone else), and it is neat to see her at this weird crossroads, where she's somewhat become part of the community, being included in the secret and acknowledged as attached to someone, but also still apart as she's understandably shaken by the loss of her chance to leave and return to her former way of life and comfort zone.

Again, I'm glad you liked what I did for Mimi, another of your favorites.  It seems pretty obvious that she was aware of the tank in the barn… so I thought it would be interesting to figure out how she would react to the news that the marines were a fake.  So I'm glad you … not approve… but believe my suggestion of how things would go down.

 

Quote: Michael didn't even bother looking back over his shoulder, settling instead for raising his hand in acknowledgment as he pushed through the door between the kitchen and dining room. "Yes, Miss Bossy Heather."

I was going to say “Poor Mikey!” but I realized that would be funny, about someone being told to take a shower, coming right after my sympathizing with Mimi finding out her hopes for her old life were dashed. I will say this brother-sister relationship continues to crack me up in the past and it is sweet in the present.

:-)  What can I say, Mikey is the little brother I always wanted, (gentle) name calling and all.

 

Quote:  I liked the descriptions of the rest of Jake and Heather's weekend visiting her family – it sounded like a perfect mix of fun and the occasional awkward moment. I especially liked the way Heather both did her best to help Jake acclimatize to his new role in her life and family, but also got her moments to shine in her natural (well, original) habitat, and got her turn on the ice!

I have loved the interlude with the Lisinskis, really loved writing all these crazy, fun, loving original characters, so it's nice to hear that they ring true.  And, yes, Heather does get her moment, doesn't she?  I hadn't actually thought of that, but I am quite glad.

 

Quote: Haha! I do like April's sense of humour. I like, too, the balance of levity and solemnity in the little moments between Jake and Heather in the present. It's also neat in this chapter to see the contrast between these two times in their lives, surrounded in the first by the family Heather grew up with and Jake is choosing to join, making the plans for their lives that seem in a sense far away, and in the second surrounded by Jake's and Heather's family, partly of origin and partly friends they have chosen, making new plans the best they can in a future that's even more tenuous but also tenable.

 

Thanks. :-)  April always seems so strained to me, I have to give her a moment here and there to roll her eyes or laugh at her friends.  As for my favorite couple, I have decided (and just recently, oddly enough) that I'm committed to this story as it should be told, so canon be damned.  I'm writing a Jake and Heather story, I won't make any apologies for that, and they will be as real and as united of a couple as I can manage to write.