Ghost Town
by Penny Lane and Marzee Doats
Disclaimer: Jericho is the property of CBS Paramount Network Television and Junction Entertainment. All publicly recognizafble characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: On Halloween, two historians visit Jericho.
Authors' Notes: This story is intended to be a bit of Halloween fun, and admittedly does not completely conform to the Site and Submission Rules of The Greens of Jericho. Just for starters, there is precious little character development going on. Enjoy, and please don't be afraid to let us know just how twisted you think we are. Our only defense can be summed up thusly: Late night IMing.
Warning: Character assassination within. You've never seen this side of Jericho.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
On the day of October 31st, 2016, historians John Q. Neilsen and Barbie Carroll arrived in the small town of Jericho, Kansas. They were on assignment from the New Smithsonian Museum of American History to document the common yet extraordinary stories of survival of everyday people in the years following the bombs, including untold stories of the Second Civil War and the post-war period.
The town had played an important and unique role in the year after the bombs. Reportedly dead once, her citizens fought back, defeating a neighboring town's assault upon them. But strangely, 3 months later, everyone disappeared again.
Today the town is empty. Deserted. Populated only by ghosts.
Neilsen and Carroll wandered the streets, searching for clues about the disappearance of those who had made up this once thriving community.
As the day drew to an end and moonlight filtered through the trees, they found themselves in the one place they might find answers - The Jericho Town Graveyard.
Carroll pulled out her notebook. Neilsen shone his flashlight on the first grave.
For the remainder of the night, they wandered the rows of headstones, transcribing the epitaphs, bearing final witness to the lives of Jericho's brave citizens.
The following is a dramatic recreation, based on Dr. Carroll's notes, of both what was witnessed and said on that night. Given Carroll's reputation for being both meticulous and unbiased, as well as Neilsen's well-known (and enviable) understanding of the interests and tastes of the proverbial "everyman" we believe our interpretation of events to be quite faithful.
********************************************************************************************
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Here Lies Emily Sullivan +
+ +
+ Tragically Killed in the Prime of Her Life +
+ When Her Hair Extensions Caught Fire +
+ Upon the Unfortunate Occasion of Her First +
+ Attempt at Baking in More Than Ten Years +
+ +
+ † +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Roger Hammond +
+ +
+ He Realized That He Had No Future +
+ With Emily +
+ And He Stayed in Chicago on +
+ That Fateful Day +
+ +
+ +
+ Rest In Peace, Roger +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Interesting," Neilsen murmured as he contemplated the two graves. "And, ironic. They had no future and yet, here they are 'married for eternity' so to speak."
Carroll frowned. "Well, I'm sure they weren't soul mates."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Gracie Leigh +
+ +
+ Passed From This World to the Next +
+ When a Shelf +
+ Overloaded Under the Weight +
+ Of Other People's Family Heirlooms +
+ Collapsed Atop Her +
+ +
+ +
+ † +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Dale Turner +
+ +
+ Tripped and Landed on a Bunch of +
+ Upturned Syringes +
+ Perished from a Massive Overdose +
+ Of Hudson River Virus Vaccine +
+ +
+ He Saved the Town ... +
+ But Did He Have to be Such a Jerk? +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Skylar Stevens +
+ +
+ No One Knows How +
+ The Strychnine Found Its Way +
+ Into Her Diet Soda +
+ Sadly Her American Express Gold Card +
+ Could Not Save Her +
+ +
+ +
+ § +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"That Hudson Fever was nasty stuff," Neilsen observed.
"So's the strychnine," Carroll added.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Kenchy Dhuwalia +
+ +
+ A Healer +
+ He Died in the Service of Others +
+ Volunteering as a Taste Tester +
+ Of Moonshine at Bailey's Tavern +
+ +
+ "Watch Out For Batch Number Four" +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ In Memory of Mary Bailey +
+ +
+ Crushed Under +
+ Her Own Still +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ † +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"I wonder which batch did her in," Neilsen mused.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Eric Green +
+ +
+ Unfortunate Victim of a Love Triangle +
+ Turned Violent +
+ But Not the One We Were Expecting +
+ Who Knew Mary Bailey Was a Teenaged Bride? +
+ Too Bad Her Ex Brought a Gun +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"I wish we knew more about the interpersonal relationships in Jericho," Neilsen sighed a moment later. "Two love triangles would really spice up my historical novel. Think about it. The passion, the secrets, the jealousy, the betrayal!"
Carroll rolled her eyes. "Eric Green, passionate? Have you seen his driver's license picture?" she demanded, rifling through her notebook for her copy. "How that man ended up laying between two women for all of eternity is beyond me."
"Well I'm sorry to say, Barbie," Neilsen returned haughtily, "But I don't think you're really the demographic my publisher and I are going for."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ April Green +
+ +
+ Left This World in Too Much Haste +
+ +
+ Always in a Rush +
+ She was Strangled by Her Own Stethoscope +
+ When it Caught on a Doorframe +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Johnston Green +
+ +
+ Beloved Husband, Father & Mayor +
+ +
+ Unwilling to Come Home Without Dinner +
+ He Froze to Death in the Deer Stand +
+ Waiting in Vain to Shoot Dinner +
+ +
+ The Game Has All Vanished From These Parts +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Gail Green +
+ +
+ In Loving Memory of a +
+ Devoted Wife and Mother +
+ +
+ Visiting Newly Discovered Relatives +
+ She Fell Down the Well +
+ And Never Came Home +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"The Greens," Carroll muttered, looking between the headstones and her notebook. "All reports state that they were woven into the very fabric of this town."
"'Woven into the very fabric of this town'," Neilsen murmured. "I like that. I'll have to use it." He peered closely at the graves again. "It's sad though, I wonder what happened to the town when they were gone."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, John," Carroll dismissed. "I'm sure everything was just fine."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Jake Green +
+ +
+ Crashed a Crop Duster +
+ He Had Attempted to Fix On His Own +
+ +
+ If Only He Had Asked Heather +
+ To Help +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Heather Lisinski +
+ +
+ Fell to Her Death +
+ Fixing a Windmill +
+ +
+ If Only She Had Asked Jake +
+ To Spot Her +
+ +
+ +
+ She Was One Of Us +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Wow," Neilsen murmured. "It's so romantic. But tragic, too. They really needed one another. This is something I could use in my book!"
"No it's not," Carroll harrumphed, glaring at her colleague. "And, what's this nonsense? 'She was one of us'," she complained. "Lisinski only lived in Jericho for three years, and she was born in New Bern."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Deputy Bill +
+ +
+ Killed in the Line of Duty +
+ +
+ In Mayor Anderson's Defense +
+ He Put His Sniper Skills to the Test +
+ Too Bad He Didn't See the Roof's Ledge +
+ And Stumbled Right Over the Edge +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Deputy Jimmy Taylor +
+ +
+ Killed in the Line of Duty +
+ +
+ Curious Like the Proverbial Cat +
+ He Investigated a Suspicious Tool Shed +
+ And Fell Down the 'Rabbit Hole' +
+ +
+ +
+ Husband * Father * Friend +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Carroll consulted her notes. "Interesting. It appears that these two were the only names we found on record as working for the Sheriff's Department in the first six months after the bombs."
"Jericho's finest," Neilsen muttered.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Margaret Taylor +
+ Dearest Wife and Mother +
+ +
+ Sally Taylor +
+ Treasured Daughter +
+ Our Little Ray of Sunshine +
+ +
+ They Just Faded Away +
+ +
+ They Are in a Better Place +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Neilsen pulled his handkerchief out from inside his coat and wiped his nose. "It's just so sad," he sniffled. "And sweet. They buried them together," he sighed. "Mother and daughter."
"There, there, John," Carroll muttered, patting him not quite sympathetically on the shoulder. "They're in a better place," she reminded, leading him to the next headstone. "And, look, so's the boy."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Woody Taylor +
+ +
+ Sent to the Corner +
+ For a Timeout +
+ He Was Never Seen Again +
+ +
+ +
+ Our Adored Son +
+ He is in a Better Place +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Stanley Richmond +
+ Beloved Brother and Fiancé +
+ +
+ Dedicated to His Family +
+ He Lived in Harmony with the Land +
+ +
+ Trampled at Milking Time +
+ By an Irate Cow +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ In Memory of Mimi Clark +
+ +
+ She Came From the City +
+ And Made Herself a Home in the Country +
+ Until the Day She Was Pecked to Death +
+ By Angry Chickens +
+ +
+ +
+ Rest in Peace +
+ ٭ ٭ ٭ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Okay, I get the city girl pissing off the chickens, but where's the harmony?" Carroll demanded.
"For sure," Neilsen snorted, "It'd take a lot to make a cow irate, even at milking time." He peered at the next headstone. "Maybe clumsiness ran in the family?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Bonnie Richmond +
+ Dear Sister and Friend +
+ +
+ In Her 16th Year, She Volunteered at the Clinic +
+ +
+ Tragically Lost During Her 17th Year +
+ Tripped Over Bedpans Delegated +
+ To Another +
+ +
+ She Hit Her Head and Never Recovered +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Well, it sure seems to have done them all in," Carroll observed, turning to a new page so she could transcribe Bonnie Richomond's epitaph.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ In Memory of Sean Henthorne +
+ +
+ He Wanted to be the Hero +
+ Who Brought the Internet Back to Town +
+ Tragically and Spectacularly +
+ Electrocuted by the Old Computer +
+ He Tried to Rewire +
+ +
+ +
+ His Vibe Will Be Missed +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Talk about frying your hard drive," Neilsen snickered.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Gray Anderson +
+ MAYOR +
+ +
+ Perished Protecting the Town He Loved +
+ +
+ Accidentally Detonated the Dynamite +
+ While He Was Still Standing +
+ In the Mine Shaft's Opening +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"John!" Carroll called out excitedly. "Look at this! The gravestone is two-sided. What do you think it means?"
Neilsen scratched his head. "Could he have really been killed twice?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Gray Anderson +
+ MAYOR +
+ +
+ Had a Panic Attack +
+ And Was Taken to Beck's Office +
+ To "Calm Down" +
+ +
+ He Was Already Gone +
+ When They Carried Him Out +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Robert Hawkins +
+ +
+ Just Assigned to a Project +
+ Code Named 'Guinea Pig' +
+ He Was Tragically Assassinated +
+ Via Laser Beam +
+ Originating From +
+ A Top Secret Space-Based Satellite +
+ +
+ This Tombstone Will Self Destruct In Five Days +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Neilsen took a big step back and then - just to be safe - another. "Have you noticed?" he tittered nervously, "None of the markers have dates?"
Carroll, busily transcribing, didn't appear to share his unspoken concern. "The last known communication from Jericho, Kansas was March 25, 2008. A last gasp, really," she reminded, continuing to lecture. "Only a few crackpots believe anyone of import survived until that date. Conventional wisdom dates Jericho's end to sometime in June or July 2007."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Darcy Hawkins +
+ "Dee" +
+ +
+ She Got Stuck on the Beltway +
+ +
+ Of All the Days +
+ To Not Take the Metro! +
+ +
+ +
+ † +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Allison Hawkins +
+ Dearest Daughter +
+ +
+ Lost to This World +
+ Tragically +
+ When a Bullet Ricocheted +
+ During Target Practice +
+ +
+ +
+ At Least Vanilla Ice Survived +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Vanilla Ice survived the bombs in Jericho?" Carroll murmured excitedly. "There isn't record of that anywhere!"
"A real live celebrity for my novel!" Neilsen smiled. "I wonder if he was involved in the love triangle. Maybe he killed Eric Green."
"You and your love triangle," Carroll complained. "Give me star-crossed lovers any day."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Sam Hawkins +
+ Our Sweet Boy +
+ +
+ Went to See the 'Cool Room' +
+ In the Basement +
+ +
+ We Forgot He Was There +
+ And Closed Him In +
+ +
+ He is in a Better Place +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"You'd think they could keep better track of their kids," Neilsen muttered, shaking his head as he took two steps to the right.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Maggie +
+ +
+ A Stranger Who Took Refuge in Our Midst +
+ Was Found to be an Imposter +
+ But Agreed to Leave Quietly +
+ +
+ As She Stood Staring at the Town +
+ She Would Never See Again +
+ Her Comrades Ran Her Over With Their Tank +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Well, that's a dishonorable discharge if I've ever heard of one," Neilsen chortled.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Phil Constantino +
+ +
+ +
+ Our Bearded Foe +
+ Was Finally Forced to Go +
+ When His Facial Hair Caught Aglow +
+ As Sparks Shot From His Radio +
+ +
+ +
+ He Will Not Be Missed +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Wow," Carroll murmured, her eyes wide. "What a way to go."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Russell +
+ +
+ Our Friend From New Bern +
+ An Entrepreneur +
+ Was Always Seeking New Opportunities for Trade +
+ Too Bad Oliver Mistook Him for an Alien +
+ Really Too Bad Oliver Had Invented +
+ The Anti-Alien Harpoon +
+ +
+ Rest In Pieces, Man +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Man, he sure picked the wrong neighbor to borrow a cup of sugar from," Carroll observed.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Ted Lewis +
+ +
+ +
+ Crushed While Customizing +
+ His Truck +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ ∞ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Uh, do you happen to know if there's a fault line around here? A lotta earthquakes, maybe?" Neilsen inquired.
"Could be?" Carroll answered, only half paying attention as she scribbled down her notes. "Why do you ask?"
"There's a lot of things falling on people in this town, that's all. It would be an explanation," Neilsen explained.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Jonah Prowse +
+ +
+ Attempted a Surprise Reunion +
+ With His Daughter +
+ The Day She Chose to Touch Up Her Roots +
+ +
+ +
+ He Suffocated Amidst the Peroxide Fumes +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Carroll moved down the row. Looking back and forth between the next two stones, she nodded. "Lots of people being poisoned, too."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Chavez +
+ +
+ A Hero For the World +
+ +
+ He Liked His Margaritas +
+ And His Texan Senoritas +
+ But Too Bad He Didn't a-See-a +
+ The Poison Slipped into His Tequila +
+ +
+ RIP +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ ASA President Tomarchio +
+ +
+ He Liked to Walk the Rope Line +
+ Especially When There Was Press +
+ He'd Pat the Kiddies on the Head +
+ His Gleaming Smile Spoke of Success +
+ Too Bad He Swiped That Boy's Candy +
+ And Ended Up Choking to Death +
+ +
+ Killed By a Lemon Drop +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"I never did believe that story about Tomarchio being killed by runaway horses after he pushed the conjoined twins and their blind mother out of the way, saving their lives and sacrificing his own," Carroll confided. "But he was good looking."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Here Lies Trish Merrick +
+ +
+ +
+ Came Here As Her Job Entailed +
+ Never to Leave, As it Turns Out +
+ +
+ She Was Buried in a Landslide +
+ Of Paperwork She Had Attempted to Shred +
+ +
+ † +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ John Goetz +
+ +
+ He Had Malice in His Mind +
+ Hostility in His Heart +
+ And Ten Rounds of Lead in His Foot +
+ (After He Shot Himself with His Own Semi-Automatic) +
+ Dr. Dhuwalia Could Have Treated... +
+ But After All, What's a Little Gangrene? +
+ +
+ Good Riddance! +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Thomas Valente +
+ +
+ If You're Reading This Now, Then I Am Dead +
+ Murdered by My Staff and Assistants +
+ What a World I Envisioned and +
+ Would Have Brought to Fruition +
+ If Not for Their Fatal Resistance +
+ +
+ For My Final Bit of Advice I Offer Just This: +
+ Beware Of the Ticking Valise +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The two historians stood facing the grave, momentarily dumbstruck. "I always heard that Valente was arrogant, but wow..." Neilsen trailed off.
"Nice to see he stayed consistent in death," Carroll commented. "Who writes their own epitaph? And gives advice?"
"Wait a minute!" Neilsen screeched, looking over the back of the grave. He'd been checking both sides ever since Gray Anderson's.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Thomas Valente +
+ +
+ Lies Through His Teeth +
+ +
+ Everybody Knows +
+ He Was Hit by a Bus +
+ As He Fled Irate, Rotten Vegetable Wielding Refugees +
+ In the City of Cheyenne +
+ +
+ No One's Quite Sure Why He Was Buried in Jericho +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Wow, he really was arrogant," Carroll said, reading the second epitaph by the beam of her colleague's flashlight. "And a big, fat liar."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ Major Edward Beck +
+ +
+ +
+ Tragically Killed +
+ +
+ When He Stepped in Front +
+ Of an ASA Armoured Truck +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As the historians finished making note of these gravestones, the only reminders of these people who had once populated the desolate town, they prepared to leave. "Guess that's it then," Carroll sighed, closing her notebook. Walking along the iron fence that encircled the graveyard, they happened upon a small wooden marker, simpler than the headstones they'd catalogued. Scratched into its surface were the words: Beau - in hopes that he is in a better place.
They stood puzzling over this strange inscription, so different from the others. Carroll reopened her notebook and recorded the dedication in her notes, while Neilsen leaned over to peer closely. A shadow fell across the marker, obscuring it.
Carroll and Neilsen turned slowly around. There, illuminated in the light of the moon, stood a large dog. There was something fierce in his posture, the way his hair bristled, but if one looked closely at his eyes, one might get a hint that he had once been cared for.
However, the animal's eyes were catching the moonlight, giving them an unearthly glow. Both humans stood still, barely breathing as they faced the beast. They couldn't turn away from the only sign of life they'd seen since arriving in this godforsaken town. Carroll, daring historian she was, took a step toward the animal.
Quick as a flash, he was gone. The historians stared after him in shock. A few moments later, they heard a sound that they would remember for the rest of their lives. They could no longer see him in the darkness, but they could hear the last survivor of Jericho howling into the night.