Five Times Passing by dponice
1.
The manual was heavy in his hands as he walked into Bailey’s. He should probably avoid the place since Eric had decided to leave April after Rogue River, but he needed a drink - even the turpentine from the still. He settled at the corner of the bar as a rather tipsy Mary came over to him.
“Hot time in here?”
“Just trying to keep Emily’s mind off what day it is. They weren’t supposed to leave before it was empty. But you’re in luck. You get one of the last shots from the bottle.” And with that she left him a shot of single malt whiskey.
He was staring at it when a slightly windblown Heather stumbled in. Perhaps things were looking up after all. He could really thank her for her help with his dad. They could talk. Relax a little. Have a drink together. And then maybe continue what she had started at her truck. He was raising his hand to wave at her and get her to come over when she called to Mary.
“I found her at the church. Help me get her to my place? I’m in no shape to drive her to the Pines." There is a slight slur to her words and he realizes who was helping Mary and Emily to finish the whiskey.
“Sure, give me a minute and I’ll be right there.”
Heather is out the door at that without ever seeing him in the corner. Mary walks over to his end of the bar.
“Need some help?”
“Not today, Jake, it’s not a good idea. Watch the bar for me?”
“You got it. Drinks on the house, right?”
“Only yours. Oh, and Eric...”
He interrupted her, “I’ll tell him where you are.”
“Thanks.” And with that she leaves him.
He lifts his drink and says to no one in particular. “To Emily and Roger.”
He downs the shot and turns the glass over on the bar, and allows himself a brief moment of amusement that Mary was putting him in the other man category. She was right, tonight wasn’t the night for it. When he talked to Heather he wanted them both relatively sober, and preferably without Emily Sullivan in the next room. He moved around the bar, found the practically empty bottle of whiskey, poured himself another and settled down to wait for Eric.
2.
Jake had three things on his agenda for the day. Walking the perimeter of Jericho in order to map out the best means of patrolling the town’s borders. Determining the available manpower and their abilities for that defense plan. Talking to Heather Lisinski, and kissing her again.
That wasn’t the order he wanted to attend to things, but he figured that his priority was nursing a hangover this morning. And Emily might still be at Heather’s place. So the morning was hiking highways, roads, streets, and fields.
He stood on a small rise overlooking the bridge he had stood on with a dead man switch just yesterday. If anything had gone differently that bridge wouldn’t be here today. He wouldn’t be here today. It was unsettling. He shakes it off, But watching a couple of men and a truck move the barricade cars back from the road he realizes that they might not want to keep the bridge wired. Someone, a family even, could be caught in an unintended explosion.
Midmorning finds him back at City Hall, maps in hand. He heads up the stairs intending to go talk to Jimmy, Bill and his dad. Between them, they can probably come up with the best candidates for the border defense. He also needs to talk to his dad about the bridge.
“Jake Green.”
Emily doesn’t sound all that pleased with him, but he turns to her anyway.
“How are you feeling this morning, Em?”
“Threatening to blow yourself up? That was the best idea you could come up with?”
“Emily...”
“Don’t Emily me. Do you have a death wish? I guess it’s a good thing no one is waiting for you to come home in one piece.” with that she swats his arm. “Jeez, Jake. Haven’t enough people died.”
“It had to be done. I’m not dead, Em.”
“Not this time.” He doesn’t have time to respond before she is looking behind him and saying, “Did you find out where they moved the truck?”
He whips around to see Heather standing behind him, a look of devastation on her face. However Emily had heard about yesterday, apparently this was all news to Heather. She pulls herself together and continues down the stairs.
‘Heath...”
“I got it, Em. We should get you back to the Pines.” Heather can’t seem to get past him fast enough. “See ya, Jake.”
She doesn’t look at him as she says that, just grabs Emily’s hand and starts dragging her down the street to find Charlotte. The only farewell he hears is Emily calling out, “Try not to get yourself or anybody else killed today, Jake.”
3.
He spent the morning stripping explosives from the bridge. After much discussion, some of it heated, they had decided to leave as much wiring in place as possible, but that they had to remove the actual explosives. This meant that the bridge could be set to blow in a much shorter time, if they decided it was necessary.
He was just finishing packing the explosives into a truck so that Hank could take them back to the mine when Stanley came up leading a horse.
“Nice to see you aren’t intending cutting off my farm anytime soon there, Jake.”
“I never wa...”
“Jake, I get it. I got it at the time. I’m just glad you’ve come up with some other way.”
‘What do you mean?”
“You and you’re dad are starting up a border defense plan aren’t you. You’re looking for people to help, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Good, I’m here.”
He laughs as he admits, “I was counting on it. You’re already on the list.”
“Great, it’s always nice to be asked.”
“Stan, want to spend some cold, lonely, hours watching a road?”
“Since you put it that way...”
“Horseback, huh?”
“No need to waste the gas. Besides I promised Heather that Bonnie and I would give her students some lessons in riding and horse care. Most of them don’t need it, but there are a few who’ve never spent anytime around a horse.”
His eyes follow Stanley’s hand gestures and he finally spots Bonnie, Heather, and a group of about 10 children crowded around an aging mare. Bonnie shows a boy half her height how to brush a horse and then lets him do it.
“I thought that the school was closed.”
“Yeah, but Heather didn’t think the kids should be ignored. So, she has had unofficial classes for the last couple of weeks. She still teaches reading and writing and ‘rithmatic, but has been including things she thinks the kids might need to know now.”
He finds himself grinning just thinking about her doing that. Maybe he could join the lesson, then walk the teacher home. It would give him a chance to explain, and them a chance to talk. “That’s Heather.”
Stanley throws him a look, and then continues, “yeah, that’s Heather. I’m just afraid that she and a lot of people don’t get how much things have changed. How bad it is going to be.”
“But you’re helping her.”
“Her optimism is catching. Look, I hope she is right. That all we have to get used to is doing without cars and electricity. I hope I’m wrong that it isn’t just groups from outside we have to worry about. People are going to get cold and hungry soon. Those patrols might not just be watching the ways into town. Bill and Jimmy just aren’t strong enough to hold order if people don’t keep it together. They aren’t really holding it together now, and things aren’t that bad. We’re good people, but scared people aren’t always rational and don’t always act like they normally do.”
Stanley had always been deeper then most people gave him credit for. He’d been Bonnie’s parent when other people were worrying about getting into the college of their choice. He’d kept the farm going.
“Jake. I’ll do what I can. You’ll do what you can, this border patrol is important. But there is a lot beyond just defending our borders that needs to be done, if Jericho is going to survive. Some of it will be teaching our children, but this first winter it may just end up simply keeping our children alive.”
They both looked out at the children and the two young women teaching them how to mount a horse.
He laughs mirthlessly. “I’d thank you, but...Looks like I’d better head back to town and start those training sessions today.”
He claps Stanley on the back. “I’ll be out to talk to you soon.”
“I’ll be there.” Stanley climbs up and trots over to the class.
His disappointment is almost an ache. He looks back out at the field, the two lovely young women, the children. Taking a deep breath, he watches them for a moment more. He tries to commit the scene to memory, the sunny fall day, the view, the sound of the children laughing. If Stanley is right, he won’t be seeing anything like this for a very long time. He turns, sends Hank on his way. And then begins the walk back into town to round up some young men most of whose military experience is limited to killing ‘the enemy’ with a game controller in order to start getting them used to using a real weapon. One that could get them killed.
4.
Emily being at the dinner was just one more attempt at living in the past as far as Jake was concerned. Sure it was nice to sit around the table, eat a meal and drink some wine. That it came at the end of a day with aid drops from China, accountants trying to shoot turkeys that were standing in for possible invaders, and Eric stalking out and going elsewhere leaving his pregnant estranged wife at the Green table was far from traditional. He was all for being grateful, particularly that they were alive and healthy. There was just something that didn’t work here. Or maybe it was just that he wanted one more person at the table.
He would always be fond of Emily and they would probably be physically drawn to each other forever. But they were very different people then they were when they were teenagers discovering love and sex. Revisiting that relationship would probably be a little like this Thanksgiving dinner - an enjoyable pale imitation based more on past memories then current reality.
So when Jimmy came to tell the Mayor that the generator was hooked up and would be turned on in about ten minutes, it was a relief to get up to go check it out.
The Greens weren’t the only family out on the street in front of City Hall. People were strolling and mingling on the corner. As the lights came on they streamed into the street, applauding and cheering. How much had things changed that lights being on on Main Street were something to cheer and applaud. Keeping his mood to himself, he joined in the celebrations. He hugged his mom and April. Emily grabbed and hugged him.
When he saw Eric and Mary down the street kissing, he tried to step in before April saw, but was too late. He grabbed her hand and turned her toward the end of the street with the generator and started walking her towards it. “This is going to help you down at the clinic, isn’t it?”
“Probably not as much as the medical supplies from the air drop, but yes.” April stared at the generator. “Jake, are we going to have enough fuel to keep this going?” She had just put words to his unease looking at the large machine.
“I don’t know.”
Their solemn reverie was interrupted by the sound of Hawkins’ son Sam, or was it Samuel, calling out.
“Hey, Miss Lisinski, did you see what my dad today?”
“Hi, Samuel. So this is your doing, Mr. Hawkins?”
“Not entirely, Miss Lisinski. I just helped.”
“Well thank you. And thank your partners for me as well.”
“Will do.”
“See you Monday, Samuel.”
He had turned his body toward the conversation the moment he heard her name. He finally caught a glimpse of her just as she was hugging the Hawkins boy goodbye. It had been days since he had seen her. He had looked for her earlier in the crowd around air drop pallets, but if she had been there he had missed her. She was in a red coat that was as bright as her disposition. And both paled next to her smile as she waved goodbye to the Hawkinses. He wanted to go over and celebrate the lights with her. If this had been before Rogue River he would have brought her over and into the conversation with April about the generator. He was surprised she wasn’t already here. Instead she turned up the street and headed in the direction of her apartment.
He turned back to April, who was politely watching him as if he hadn’t just ignored her for several minutes. He pulls himself back to their conversation.
“People aren’t going to like it, but we are probably going to have to appropriate fuel and then ration it according to need. “
“Seize it?”
“Yes. Until we can produce our own fuel. Biodiesel maybe.”
April shivered. “Of all people, I know it has to be done. In a way you’ve already done it for the clinic. It is just everyday we make some new compromise in our lives, our beliefs in order to survive.”
“And you wonder where does it stop, where do you draw the line? Or even what you can risk?”
April looked at him as if she was thinking of asking him something, shaking her head she laughs. “What a pair. We don’t even have the tryptophan to blame for this.”
“Yeah, a generator fell from the sky. It isn’t turkey, but it makes for a hell of a Thanksgiving.” He offers her his arm. “See you home, Doctor Green?”
She takes his arm. “Thank you, kind sir.” They are heading for the Green house when April suddenly stops. “You know, Jake, the lights really are beautiful. Maybe we both need to take the good where we can,” and puts his hand on her stomach. “Do you feel it?” Her smile is infectious.
He knows he is grinning like an idiot as he feels a slight ripple. “It feels like my nephew missed the annual football game.”
“Or your niece missed your mom’s pumpkin pie.”
He groans as he takes her arm again and they start back down the street. “You had to mention mom’s pie.”
“So. I was projecting my own frustrated cravings onto my child.”
“I’m not pregnant, how do you explain my frustrated cravings, Dr. Green.”
“Good taste.”
5.
As he looks at the jukebox, quarters in hand, he is suddenly reminded of yesterday morning. He puts in his money and selects the song.
It felt like a lifetime ago. To think that when it all started he still had some hope that things could be different. That there could be something beyond day to day existence.
He had decided to add a hand pump to Jericho’s first well. The fact that it was in the center of town, and people had to go past it to get to most everything in Jericho had nothing to do with it. Nor did the fact that it had a mechanical element to it. Yeah, right. He had been looking for something that would give Heather an excuse to talk to him that wasn’t too obvious ever since Thanksgiving. He had considered taking his car over to the garage where Heather kept Charlotte, but since half the town knew about the workshop in the Green garage that wouldn’t work. Finding that hand water pump at the ranch had been the answer to a prayer. It wasn’t quite a neon sign that flashed ‘Heather Lisinski, come on over,’ but it was close as he could get.
He knew he had taken too long to talk to her. He’d decided if she talked to him, maybe he could feel her out, tell her about some of the things he had been considering the last couple of weeks. See if she might be willing to risk the uncertainty. He wanted to let her know that he would like to see more of her, if she knew what she might be getting into. To start living as if there still was a future.
He was so busy keeping an eye south towards Heather’s apartment that he had been startled when Emily came up behind him. Despite a brief moment of resentment when she warned him against hurting Heather he had enjoyed reminiscing with Emily. Even discovering that sad melancholy song was ‘their’ song was a nice reminder of the kind of connection that he had been missing for so many years. And as they moved from the distant to the recent past when he walked her home, he finally felt they could friends again. Emily had been his friend before being his lover and getting that back in his life was nice. But he still had to see Heather. And so as he left Emily’s he decided to bite the bullet and just face her. She had talked about their kiss with Emily, it was still on her mind. And that was going to have be his indication that she still might be interested in pursuing more.
Instead of Heather he runs into Jimmy and Bill looking for Jonah and hearing about Gracie’s murder. He then spent the next 36 hours trying to save Emily’s father from bleeding to death, watching his father lose the only job he really remembered him ever having, and then handing a gun over to Gray Anderson daring him to kill Jonah.
He had had to convince the new Mayor of Jericho that killing a prisoner without trial wasn’t execution but murder. Things were different alright. Martial law wasn’t just something that happened in third world countries anymore. Fear, uncertainty, violence were lurking under every aspect of life in Jericho now. He had been tired of all that before he ever got back here. It didn’t matter. Maybe he was going to be fighting on the right side this time, but he was going to be in the middle of all the dirty, nasty work of trying to keep Jericho from becoming like places he had seen world over the last few years, where the people had no rights except those the local warlord or chief allowed.
He returns to his drink and trying to ignore his brother and Mary. Emily came up and let him know Jonah had left. She seems as disillusioned with life as he feels.
“It almost looks normal in here , like the bombs never happened.”
It did. Some people were pretending, some weren’t. And some were just letting the dark, the alcohol and the warmth of being in someone arms let them forget for a minute.
“Yeah, lets just stay in here as long as we can.”
He watches her recognize the tune on the jukebox. Smiles at her as he admits to finally remembering the name. And then he asks her to dance.
He wants to forget. He puts his arm around her. He wants to forget. He starts to sway in time to the music. He wants to pretend. He pulls her closer.
“What about Heather?” He jerks slightly. Don’t. Don’t remind me of the dream. He looks at her.
“What about Roger?” You don’t want to be reminded either.
“We know how this goes. We should be grown-ups and walk away right now.”
He knew they weren’t going to leave. He knew they weren’t going to act like there was a tomorrow. He knew they both were going to take comfort where they could, not where they wanted.
There was no dream of a future, of different. Not tonight.