The Greens of Jericho

Different Circumstances Interludes: Long Distance Relationship, Part 3

by Marzee Doats 

Author's Note: 

I had hoped to post this a week or two ago, but my work life has gotten quite overwhelming and I haven't had as much time as I wanted to write.  Writing is my stress relief, so that's not good.  

Anyway, this is the continuation of my Different Circumstances of Jericho during the few months before the beginning of the story proper.

Many thanks to my 2 beta readers, Skyrose and Sherry for their feedback and encouragement.  Thank you to Skyrose for the challenge of this part – it's all emails!  So sit back and enjoy the correspondence of the Greens and others over a few days.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

From: HGreen (JISD) 

Sent: Thu Jun 01 13:42 (UTC-5)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: Jericho Elementary School Vice Principal Appointment

Attachments: 

Jake,

I called Gunnison & Gunnison and gave my name to the receptionist.  She immediately said "EJ Green Family Trust" and told me what a sweetheart Gramps was, and how lucky I was to have had him as a grandfather.  I told her I 100% agree.

She transferred me to Charles Gunnison's assistant, Barbara, who turned out to be the notary from when we signed all the paperwork for the house and property.  She also adored Gramps apparently, so I'm starting to think that your concerns about him chasing after me were wildly overblown. He really did flirt with every woman he talked to!  (I actually already knew that, and you did too.  He was always flirting with your mom and April after all.  And Mags.  Mrs. Crenshaw.  Sandy.  Basically, everyone you also flirt with except you don't flirt with your mom.  You and Gramps – 2 Green peas in a pod.)

Anyway, Barbara gave me her email address, told me to send the contract over, and said she would put it in front of Charlie or Benji before the end of the day.  I had a hard time not laughing at that.  I've met both of these men and I just can't imagine either Charles or Ben Gunnison answering to Charlie or Benji!  Ben was so serious that time we had to go "meet with your lawyer" before we got married.  I'm pretty sure you 2 are the same age, but still it was hard to believe him when he said "call me Ben" after I called him "Mr. Gunnison" like 5 times in a row.  You know, he came to our wedding and I automatically called him "Mr. Gunnison" in the receiving line.  I have a very distinct memory of this. And, now it turns out that he's also Benji, at least to Barbara.

I read over the updates myself and there was no mention of souls or offspring, so I think we're good, though maybe there's something more subtle in there that you need to be a lawyer to catch.  And, I'm still going to stop by and show it to Eric later today.  

I'm going to go now and drop in for the last 5 – 10 minutes of THE LAST ART CLASS OF THE YEAR.  But I'm sure you will get another email from me later tonight after I read the email you've already sent me hours ago.

Love you,

Heather

From: Gail Green 

Sent: Thu Jun 01 14:33 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Honey,

I was only making a suggestion.  Seems to me Heather's going to have a lot of birthday cake on her hands, but that's not the worst problem in the world to have.  I am sorry for interfering with your plan.  I know you are just trying to make the day as special for her as you can.

I will get the strawberry lemonade cake for Sunday and then pick up and deliver the Kahlua cake on Monday as you've asked.

You're not a jerk for missing her birthday.  Heather loves you and she understands.

I don't like that you're not getting enough sleep, Jake, especially how hard you're working.  I'm glad to hear you ate a vegetable.  I'm your mother and I'm always going to worry about you.  It's in the job description.

Love,

Mom 

From: April Green 'AGreenDoc'

Sent: Thu Jun 01 15:28 (UTC-5)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA) 

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Jake,

Deb and Kerry are in, and Deb called Joe at work and he's in too.  Kerry called everyone else – she is big into birthdays apparently.  So, the Lisinskis are all in for a Birthday Conference Call.  Kerry even promised that John could bring a conference phone home from the office for the weekend, so they will use that on their end.  I'll talk to Eric and see if we can do the same thing here.  

If you think of anything else you need my help with, let me know.  Need to get back to work.  3 suspected cases of food poisoning just walked in.  And why was my duty nurse so gleeful when she told me that?

Love,

April

From: Agent A Beltran-Waller (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Thu Jun 01 14:44 (UTC-6)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: My Status

Attachments: Mental_Health_Inventory_rev200603.doc

Jake,

We're working on your schedule, and I want you getting a solid 7 hours of sleep a night.  I'm guessing that you didn't tonight/last night if you're emailing me at 2130 your time.  I know that you’re getting up at 0300 – 0330 so that's my first concern.  Whenever you can get back to us with feedback, we'll be ready to take it.  

But don't worry, I have other things I can give the triplets to work on.  Soon as you can file your next field report, they will tear it apart (in a good way).  Seriously, I introduced them to the satellite time request process (more than 24 hours after your last field report, so probably too late) and I got smiles and squeals and "this is so cool!".  Made me feel so old by comparison.  And then I thought to myself "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime," and I felt even older.  I'd say it to them, but I'm pretty sure I'd get blank stares.  (They really aren't the noobs I am making them out to be, don't worry. They were aware that I could request satellite time, just not that they could.)

My 2-year-old will be 2 and a third tomorrow and he loves the word "No!" and doesn't believe me when I tell him he has to go to bed anymore.  So don't argue with me when I tell you to get enough sleep or I'll call your wife.  (And your mother.) 

Ask and you will receive.  Attached is the DEA's latest and greatest field agent Mental Health Inventory.  I also got Steve to send me the FBI's current version, but I thought ours was better.  (I told him that too.  My grandmother was all worried about our mixed marriage because of religious differences.  Little did they know the real issue was our interagency rivalry.)

Here are my questions for you:

1. Are you self-medicating in any way?  When did you last have alcohol?  How many drinks did you have?  Other forms of self-medication?  OTC/prescription/illicit drugs?

2. Can you sleep?  How long does it take you to go to sleep?  How long are you sleeping for?  What's the quality of your sleep?

3. How's your diet?  Remember you can improve your mood with just a few dietary changes.  Eat real food!  (Says the woman who bought her kid chicken nuggets, fries and a chocolate frosty for dinner last night.)

4. Take the depression assessment if nothing else.  It is very cleverly marked "Assessment of Depression". Take the Assessment of Personal Stress Level section too.  Take it all if you're willing.

Be honest and send these 4 things to me and we can wait until Tuesday/Wednesday to talk.  My Psych degree has to be good for something.  All of this is just between you and me, I promise.  If I ever decide to pull you, I'm pre-approved to make that call without revealing why.  I got Gretchen to agree to that, and I got it in writing.

Now I'm probably going to put my foot in it, but oh well.  I've already asked you if you're drinking too much, using/abusing, have insomnia, are eating right, or if you're depressed.  So, I no longer feel the need to be polite. (Clearly never really did.)  

As a person currently engaged in a discussion about a second kid, I can tell you that it is a good idea to talk about having kids before you have them.  As a person who did everything backwards the first time, I can honestly say that parenthood is scary however you approach it.

I got married because I was pregnant, and we both decided that it was better to be married than not.  We might not have decided that if I hadn't been pregnant though. The members of my family who could get to Chicago on 48 hours' notice to attend our lovely civil ceremony all met Steve for the first time 8 to 10 hours before we got married.  I know that when I transferred to Denver, Gretchen labelled that a whirlwind romance, but it was really a big old mess.  I had a fling with the lead agent on my joint agency taskforce and then 2 months later things got real.  I love him, but neither of us started out thinking this was where we'd end up.  So now you know the real story. 

Heather wants to discuss having kids and you are compartmentalizing.  You're a good field agent, Jake, and you're supposed to compartmentalize. They trained us to do that, though I would guess you had prior experience.  But you also get to have a life.  You forced Gretchen's hand and made her sign off on your vacation.  (Good for you!)  So, take the opportunity to talk all about having kids.  You might also want to do something about it.  And now I really have overstepped and put my foot in it.  

Just understand that my husband is in DC for 2 weeks, and I rashly decided against flying out there to see him this weekend.  So now I'm on my own with Christopher for 2 weeks and Steve has decided to go up to Rhode Island for the weekend to see his eldest sister, the one who still calls me a gold digger/slut (but not to my face, so there is that).  I should have just bitten the bullet and flown by myself with a 2-year-old, even if it was 10 hours on planes and in airports because we could have spent 40 hours with Steve. (And possibly made progress on the 2nd kid thing.)  

We all have messy lives (maybe not Gretchen, but she traded breaking the glass ceiling for having a real life) and right now my job is to make sure you reach your goal.  Get home, have a kid.  I've got that right, right?  It's not just Heather who wants a kid, right? (And you should be proud of and amazed by Heather.  That's a good and simple recipe for a happy life.  Be happy with what you have and who you have with you.  And objectively, she is a really good person.)

Ange

From: Eric Green 'EGreen@townofjericho.org'

Sent: Thu Jun 01 16:48 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: Heather's contract

Attachments: 

Hi Jake,

Heather came by and showed me her contract.  She said that you suggested it, and that you guys had agreed she should take the position as long as she wasn't selling her soul.  Just so you know, such a clause would be unenforceable in any court in the State of Kansas.  (Little bit of legal humor there.)

She also said she had sent it over to G&G.  That was a good idea, I was going to suggest it myself.  But still nice that you guys thought of me.

It's impressive that she gets an offer of a vice principal position at 27 (not for 5 more days, she reminded me) with only 5 years of teaching under her belt.  

The thing is, they're not planning to pay her anything more.  She doesn't seem to care, but that's pretty lousy.  I told her she should be demanding at least a token raise.  She just said that there hasn't been a vice principal at the Elementary in 25 years (I didn't know that there ever was a vice principal at the Elementary and we went there 25 years ago) and that they are giving her a bank of substitute hours so she can do the VP job, too.  

Heather, Mom and Dad (they stopped by my office on their way to dinner) all say that this is setting her up to be named principal in a few years when Mrs. McVeigh retires.  Mom says that Kimberly McVeigh graduates college next year and so probably Mrs. McVeigh will start seriously considering retirement after that.  I guess it makes sense for Heather to make this move now, but I really think they're screwing her.

And I have to say it:  You being married to the vice principal and later the principal, what is the world coming to?

Good news about Mike.  April is really excited.  Only thing she talked about last night.

Eric

From: Heather Green (home)

Sent: Thu Jun 01 17:56 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: Stuff

Attachments: 

Hi Jake,

I went by to see Eric, and it turned out he already knew about the offer.  He didn't tell me that at first, but then your parents came into his office – your dad was sneaking out for an early dinner, but he can't do that without letting Eric know?  How is that sneaking?  

Apparently Miranda Stevens called your mom this morning and told her all about the offer.  And your mom stopped in and told Eric before she went to meet you dad.  So then, he admitted that he'd already known but was still congratulatory.

I did get to tell April myself.  Eric said he hadn't talked to her all day, not even this morning because he left early to attend the Rotary Club meeting at McBee's Bakery Cafe.  I secretly find it funny that you and I talked for an hour today and Eric and April haven't exchanged 2 words.  Maybe it's not funny.  But it at least makes me feel good about us, even if I did freak you out this morning.  I'm sorry for that.  And you don't have to apologize for anything, especially for swearing at me.  I didn't take it that way.  I took it as you were upset at the situation and let's just leave it at that. But you do get so much super duper double extra credit for the Animal Farm reference. :-D 

I called April from my car after I left them, and she was just the right amount of excited and congratulatory.  I don't know why, but your parents were a little too excited, and Eric was a little too lawyerly.  But you and April got it just right.  

Your parents invited me to dinner with them, to celebrate, but I told them I had leftover Chinese and the promise of email from you at home and I turned them down.  I did feel bad about that, just not enough to go with them.  Your mom said that you were "snippy" with her in an email earlier today, but when I asked what about and she wouldn't say, so I guessed it was about my birthday.  She admitted I was right and that you have "big plans".  Jake, I love you for that, but you don't have to get snippy with your mom (and really, I can't imagine what that even means – does that mean you were grumpy to your mom?  In an email?).  I'll be more than happy with 1 phone call and 1 Skype.  I feel like I haven't seen you in a month.  Well, I feel like I haven't seen you in 4 months, but I do like to look at you every now and again.  Because I love you and you're super hot.

I haven't had time to give any more thought or investigatory effort to the big fight, though maybe it's as simple as 2 kids get to go to camp and 2 kids are jealous?  I will take back up the challenge tomorrow, promise.

Madison, it turns out was the most popular girls name in Kansas in 1996 and 1998 (and 1999 – 2001), and the second most popular in 1997.  (The most popular girls name in 1997 was Emily, which I will not comment on further.)  The kids in my class were all basically born in 1997.  There is a Madison in 2nd grade, but I think that's the last Madison in town at least for a few years.  Honestly, you get 4 or 5 or 6 kids with the same name at the Elementary (across 9 grades) and that is a big deal.  Overall, the number of Ashleys (there are 6 at the Elementary right now) in town seems higher to me than Madisons or Emilys.  If we ever have a daughter let's not go with any of those names.  Actually, I've always thought we should name our daughter after our moms, so it's a little disconcerting that Abigail has been in the top 10 (but not top 5) of girls names in Kansas the last 5 years or so.  On the other hand, at least she'd be able to get pencils with her name on them, right?   

FYI, Jacob was the most popular boys name in Kansas 1996 to 1998.  (Actually 1995 to 2004, which is the last year I can find the statistics for.)  I see a lot more Jacobs in my future, but you will always be my #1 Jake.  Actually, funnily enough, Jacob has been the most popular boys name in the US since 1999 (Kansas was ahead of the curve on that one) and it supplanted Michael which had reigned supreme since the 60s. (Poor Mikey.)  Heather was never higher than third most popular (hard to best Jennifer) and as I always say, Heather was a short blip in the 70s.  

So, there's your pop culture fact set for the day.  I got to spend a fun half hour on the internet researching this.  Aren't you glad you asked 1 simple question about Madison and ended up bringing your wife so much research joy?

Kerry actually will love it if you teach Megan to call you Uncle Cowboy Jake.  I really kind of love it too.

The Recluse Greens it is.  There is no club to have a meeting for, but I do like to get my "girl talk" in, so we can definitely spend a couple of hours apart – just long enough that we miss each other, and then we can go home and be reclusive again. :-) 

So, fortune cookies – "Love can last a lifetime if you want it to" / "Love can last a lifetime if you want it to in bed".  Definitely Acceptable.

"A stranger is a friend you have not spoken to yet" / "A stranger is a friend you have not spoken to yet in bed".  Strongly Rejected.

"You will conquer obstacles to achieve success" / "You will conquer obstacles to achieve success in bed".  Not sure how I feel about that one.  I think we have a high success rate and very few, if any obstacles.  And now I am blushing big time, mister.

I love you, Jake.  Sorry about all the craziness of today.  Not sorry that I got to talk to you for an hour today, though I know that you'll probably pay for it by being tired tomorrow.  Don't be too snippy/grumpy to your co-workers, hon.  Just Jake Green voicemail grumpy. 

 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Heather 

From: Johnston Green (personal)

Sent: Thu Jun 01 18:16 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: Ganymede

Attachments: 

Jake,

Your mother passed along your suggestion that we concentrate on Ganymede rather than Nero.  She showed me the records and I understand where you are coming from about Nero, he hasn't had the best success rate the last few years.

Why do you think Ganymede is the horse to use?  Why not Odysseus or Caligula?  

I would just like to understand your reasoning is all.  

Stanley has agreed to help out, and of course we have Tony and Eddie to help.  Rich Sharpe is going to come, and will probably bring Tom.  With that crew, plus Eric and myself, I think we can accomplish quite a bit over this weekend.  

I talked to Doc Hansen and to Tony, and they say we may have as many as 7 mares in estrus.  I want to be sure we are working with the right studs.  We will probably try again next weekend as well, provided we have the mares to try with.  So, if worst comes to worst, we could always try Ganymede, and then switch out if he doesn't perform.  He's only a four-year-old, did you even use him last year?  

Which would you pick as a backup?  Odysseus or Caligula?

I'm glad that Grandpa turned naming duties over to Heather.  He was starting to scrape the bottom of the history barrel when he named that horse Caligula. 

You mother and I are very proud of Heather, and we know that you are, too.  That was great news about Mike, too.  I bet Joe's just busting with pride right about now.

Dad

From: Mike Lisinski

Sent: Thu Jun 01 19:33 (UTC-4)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: Congratulations Man

Attachments: 

Hey Jake,

Thanks for the email.  I was glad to get it, and not just because you're congratulating me.

It's nice to have proof that you and Heather still talk, and that you still have a job.  That maybe you guys are still married.  Good to know that you haven't secretly run out on my sister.  That's a joke, but kind of not.  You know she really misses you.  So, do your job and then get home so she doesn't turn into a depressed mess.  (And I know that you're taking her on your anniversary trip.  That was smart.  She's a super excited wife over that.  See?  She talks to me too.)

She tried to get me to come out to Jericho sometime this month.  Was going to pay for my ticket and everything.  She must be hard up for distraction and company if she's willing to do all that.  You know Heather takes after Dad – she's thrifty.  

But I need to work.  I mean I've been working all year – since I graduated, I took 2 days off and then got to work.  I've gotten to the point where I work 16-hour shifts on the ambulance (I've worked so many hours I am pretty much the senior EMT now), then have 16 hours off (with the occasional fill in shift at the rink for Jess).  

I'm going to move down to New Haven the first weekend in August (the roommate search has begun) so I basically have 60 days left to make as much money as I can.  How else am I going to pay for med school?  

Now I'm going to take a nap.  I need to leave for work in 2 hours.  Heather likes to yell at me for living on naps and not real sleep.  Sound familiar?

FYI, you guys can have kids any time you want, get her mind on somebody else, and off of thinking I need her to fill in for our mom all the time.  Plus, you guys have a kid, I will let you buy me a plane ticket to come meet my new niece or nephew.

Mike

PS: I'm taking 24 hours off so I can attend the surprise Sunday Dinner conference call thing for Heather's birthday.  My dispatcher actually thanked me for making the change so that's good.  I was supposed to go back on at 2, but instead I'm going to work 10 pm Sunday to 2 pm Monday.  Then I'll work pretty much all day on her birthday, but should be able to find time to call at some point.  Kerry, Deb, and Dad all called (and April emailed) to browbeat me into making the switch.  The things I do for my sister.

From: Heather Green (home)

Sent: Thu Jun 01 19:03 (UTC-5)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA) 

Subject: VP Appointment & Pre-Nup

Attachments: HL_JG_Pre_Nuptial_Agreement_rev_20060601.pdf

Agent Green,

(I considered not addressing this email to Agent Green, but nah, a little email dalliance with my husband's secret identity is just harmless fun, right?  Actually, a dalliance with my husband's real identity, but you know what I mean.)

Like I told Jake Green, your whole family (except April) knew about the vice principal appointment before I could tell them.  Another thing to be annoyed with the school board about.  They (your parents and Eric, not the school board) were at least concerned about the no raise thing.  Eric suggested that I send it over to Gunnison & Gunnison, and I told them all I already had.  I said something about receiving a bill for it, and your dad told me that if I get one, I'm to give it to him, because if Charlie Gunnison (it's getting less weird) can't afford to give us a free hour of consultation, as much as we pay them, then he will be having a word with him. (About the entire EJ Green Family Trust?  That seems excessive.)

Still, it was super sweet of him.  (Especially since I personally have never paid G&G anything.)  Very grumbly, grumpy papa bear. 

So, I am transferring a topic from Jake Green to Agent Green because I want the real answer.  What did Mrs. Owensby call you if she wouldn't call you Jake?  Did she make you go through the whole school year as Johnston?  I'm guessing she probably wasn't going to agree to Jacob if she wouldn't acknowledge that you're Jake.  Good thing she moved out of state so I don't run into her at the grocery store. I'd be glaring daggers!

I've made the updates to the pre-nup and scanned the whole thing for you (attached).  I'll bring it with me in July and we'll have to have a re-signing ceremony on our anniversary.  Or the day before since it's a pre-nup.  Should I send this to Benji Gunnison to get his blessing?  That's a joke.  I would never let him know that I know he's "Benji". And, he would think we were both insane if I sent it to him.  Especially since you refused to have a real one.  But I bet he'd bill me for the torture of reading it.  (Not torture for you or me, but torture for anyone else, probably.)  And the Recluse Greens efforts to confuse and confound the corporate attorneys continues.

I can be patient until my birthday to find out where we are going for our anniversary.  See, was that so hard?  All you had to do was give me a timeline.

Love, love, love (kisses too)

Heather

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 18:49 (UTC+3)

To: Agent A Beltran-Waller (DEA)

CC: Agent Stephen Waller (FBI)

Subject: RE: Financial Woes

Attachments: JG_Shiny_Object_Scenario_1_JJG.xls; JG_Shiny_Object_Scenario_2_JJG.xls; JG_Shiny_Object_3_JJG.xls

Ange and Steve – 

I've made notes on what I think works and what I think won't work.  Overall I vote for Scenario 3.  

Scenario 2 is the weakest but I liked a few things in there.  Triplet #2 at least seems to have comprehended a few things about ranching.  

Live Foal Guarantee (LFG) is a risk but it's also what makes it possible to charge the stud fees we do.  Splits the risk between the 2 parties.  If the mare doesn't conceive or dies or aborts we have to offer a "free return".  Our stud fees are anywhere between $1K and $5K plus we charge to board mares for a week or 2 while they wait for service ($100 - $150/day or $500/week) because sometimes the mare doesn't care for the contracted stallion so that lets us recoup if we don't get the stud fee.  Also, we only have a few "proven" studs so to bring/develop a new stud to market you pretty much have to give away the service and just charge the boarding fee for a couple of years.  Sometimes we board the mares through confirmation so they don't have to travel back and forth twice in a season.  

It's all a balancing act designed to make sure both sides come out okay under the worst case scenario.  See what #2 can do with that.

I want to see what Steve thinks before we proceed.  Also Ange you get to have an opinion.  What would you change about these?

Jake 

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 19:21 (UTC+3)

To: Agent A Beltran-Waller (DEA)

Subject: RE: My Status

Attachments: Mental_Health_Inventory_rev200603_JGG.doc

Ange

My schedule just got a whole lot more interesting for this weekend and next. I'll give more details in my sit rep that you can share with the triplets but I basically volunteered to work as much as possible on the weekends if I could get some time on Tuesday/Wednesday for Heather's birthday.  80% of the guys here are single – and when I say single I mean divorced.  Ellison is one of the 80% so he thinks I'm crazy for wanting to still be married when I leave here.  He told me that it was better to get out before you have kids and then showed me a picture of his 16yo daughter that seemed inappropriate to be the picture he carries around of his kid. But he agreed to help me out so I'm going to owe him something later.  Let's hope what I owe him is a good investigatory development.

I filled out your inventory and I was honest.  Remember I am aware that I don't want to be here so take that into account when you're evaluating me.

>> 1. Are you self-medicating in any way?  When did you last 

>> have alcohol?  How many drinks did you have?  Other 

>> forms of self-medication?  OTC/prescription/illicit drugs?

Caffeine and junk food.  9-10 days back I had a beer with Ruiz.  There's only 1 place to get alcohol here and I don't care for the crowd. But Ruiz wanted to get a drink and I went with him that day.  Mostly he gets me to play video games with him and I did that for 90 minutes tonight.  But that's not self-medication just self-humiliation.  No drugs.

>> 2. Can you sleep?  How long does it take you to go to 

>> sleep?  How long are you sleeping for?  What's the 

>> quality of your sleep?

Yes I can sleep. Usually I fall asleep in 20 min. or less.  Driving is harder work than you think.  I'm getting 5 – 6 hours a night.  Quality is so-so.  See the inventory for 30 different questions about sleep problems and 25 questions about physical wellbeing.

Don't call my wife or my mother.  You've never even met my mother and Heather's lonely and had a lot going on with work right now so I don't want to pile anything else on her.  

>> 3. How's your diet?  Remember you can improve your mood 

>> with just a few dietary changes.  Eat real food!  (Says 

>> the woman who bought her kid chicken nuggets, fries and 

>> a chocolate frosty for dinner last night.)

See my earlier answer. Sounds like Christopher and I are eating about the same.  I'm more of a burger guy than a chicken nugget guy.  My mother told me to eat a vegetable in her last email so I had a vegetable yesterday and 2 today.  The food here is not good and the options are limited.  Also I eat most meals in my rig so I eat what is available and I can take with me.  I'll try and watch it though.

>> Take it all if you're willing.

I did.

>> If I ever decide to pull you, I'm pre-approved to make that

>> call without revealing why.  I got Gretchen to agree to that,

>> and I got it in writing.

Care to share?  Seriously forward that email.

>> And now I really have overstepped and put my foot in it.  

Yeah but I'm going to let it go this time.  Also maybe you and Steve weren't planning anything more than a fling but you're pretty good together.  Sorry your kid loves the word No but I hear they grow out of that by the time they're in their 30s.  (Not sure my mother would agree.)  You should tell your sister in law to pound sand.  Steve should tell her that too.  If he can fly to RI for the weekend he can fly home to see you.  And you don't have to rearrange your life to be available to me.  I'm not that fragile.  Now I've overstepped.

>> make sure you reach your goal.  Get home, have a kid.  I've

>> got that right, right?  It's not just Heather who wants a 

>> kid, right? 

That's the goal.  And it's not just Heather.

Jake

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 19:48 (UTC+3)

To: Agent A Beltran-Waller (DEA); SAIC G Tolliver (DEA)

Subject: Sit Rep 6/2

Attachments: 

Ange and Gretchen –

Nothing interesting to report re: my assignments or cargo since earlier this week.

I have been putting myself in Ellison's way so to speak.  Sometimes it's by luck.  I was headed out to call Heather last night and stopped to talk to Ruiz when Ellison walked by and slowed down to listen in.  He heard me remind Ruiz about my financial difficulties.  (He was obviously eavesdropping.  I still think he's key but they really aren't being as cautious as they should be.  You'd think that would make them easier to catch.)

Today I asked for an assignment on Tuesday that would keep me in the Green Zone all day and would let me off by 1330. I also asked if I could not start until 0600 on Wednesday.  I had to tell him it was so I could call my wife a couple of times for her birthday.  Let's just say he thinks I'm pretty whipped.  But I offered to work extra over this weekend and next.  Whatever he'd like me to do.  Told him I would owe him big time.  He was interested in that – agreed to the schedule change.

I don't know if we've ever been able to run background on him – John Ellison – but today I got that he's from McCook Nebraska.  I've driven through McCook a few times so that may have earned me some credibility points.  There's a diner there that he likes and I've eaten at.  Pretty sure it's the only one in town.  Something for the triplets to chase down anyway.  

Jake

From: Agent Stephen Waller (FBI) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 13:07 (UTC+4)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: Financial Woes

Attachments: 

Jake, 

I'm voting for Scenario #3 as well, but I think that #2 should be awarded second place because Triplet #2 took the risk of incorporating the ranching angle.  That's worth some additional recognition.  Though if the DEA doesn't want Triplet #2, I'm always looking for good junior analysts at the FBI. 

I want to pick your brain about this topic sometime (when you're not in the field).  I've been called in to consult on money laundering schemes that are run through thoroughbred racing, and our specialist in that area is leaving for greener pastures (pun intended) in the private sector.  

I realize there are differences between what you're doing with your ranch and these operations (I don't hear of a lot of thoroughbreds coming out of KS) but the schemes all seem to have this pattern: Set up a bunch of LLCs and give them all a bunch of nonexistent horses with funny names and charge back and forth all these fees.  It's hard to prove that a horse doesn't exist if there is documentation that says the horse was sold 3 states over and then when we look into that LLC the horse has already been sold again by the time we get there, ad infinitum.  Obviously, there are other factors, but I don't know that we ever look for the missing negatives. How often do horses not get pregnant?  Die or abort?  No venture is 100% successful, but criminals never build in natural business risk because their goal is to launder money, not to show losses.  I hadn't thought of this approach before today.  

Thank you for whatever you said to Ange too.  I'm going home this weekend.  Also, I plan to tell my sister to pound sand.  I was going to tell her to take a long walk off a short pier (that was quite the cut low when I was young) but I like yours better.  She's going to be trying to figure out what that means for days. 

Steve

From: Agent A Beltran-Waller (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 11:16 (UTC-6)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: My Status

Attachments: 

Jake,

Congratulations, you're sane.  

I'll have more for you later, but since I hope you're listening to me and going to bed soon, I wanted to catch you to give you that good news and to say thank you.  

You spurred me to call my husband and tell him to come home for the weekend.  Turns out he wanted to, and he doesn't even have to quit his job to do it. (Sorry.  Like I said, Heather is an objectively good person.)  

Also, turns out that he's even more annoyed with his sister than I am.  So that feels good too.  He might even have decided to visit her so he could tell her off.  But I'd rather he come home.

You're not fragile, but I am still available to you when you need me.  It's my job and we're friends (I think).  Until you're home, I'm here for you.  But you having a kid is outside my scope of responsibility, so you'll have to figure that one out for yourself.

Ange

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 20:20 (UTC+3)

To: Heather Green (home)

Subject: RE: VP Appointment & Pre-Nup

Attachments: 

Heather – 

How is it that our pre-nup requires me to make you pancakes but doesn't require you to make me peanut butter cookies? How did that happen?  Did you accidentally on purpose lose a page?  I mean you make me peanut butter cookies but still.  

Now I want a peanut butter cookie. Maybe a dozen.  But I still don't want to deal with care packages so maybe on our vacation.  We're staying in a condo with a full kitchen.  That's your one freebie before your birthday.

I don't flirt with every woman I meet.  But you're right about Gramps – he was a flirt. And he was always always always way too old for you.  Plenty of people thought I was too old for you so he was definitely too old for you.    

I'm glad that everything worked out with G&G.  And Dad's right.  They can give us an hour's consultation.  The retainer is ridiculous.  So yeah if they don't want to do us this favor under the retainer then he should threaten to take our business elsewhere. 

And what do you mean our pre-nup isn't real?  Sure it's not the pre-nup that G&G thought we should have.  (And you do remember that Gramps ripped them a new one when he found out right?  He was even more upset because he'd already told them no when April and Eric got married.)  But just because lawyers don't understand our pre-nup doesn't mean it's not real.  It works great for us.  You should send them the pre-nup to review.  I'd like to see what they do with that.  And that review should be free too. 

Should I be worried that you have a specific memory of Ben Gunnison from our wedding (speaking of flirting again)?  

Things I Remember About Our Wedding: 

* You 

* That it took forever to take all the pictures

* You 

* Our first dance and even more our second first dance

* You 

* The lecture April gave me during our dance 

* You 

* That Mags caught your bouquet & that Mike caught the garter

* You 

* That my mom dragged us into the kitchen to explain in crazy detail the cooler she'd had packed for us (and that we really enjoyed it at 3 AM)

* You 

* That we finally got to leave the reception 

* You 

* The unexpected send-off

* You 

I also remember that there were nearly 300 people at our wedding – and at least 100 of them really didn't need to be there.  But I sure as hell didn't remember that the Gunnisons were even invited (makes more sense than Phil and Judy Constantino) or that we shook hands with Ben.   

Mrs. Owensby called me "Johnston Jr."  Every single time she called on me or yelled at me or whatever.  For a whole year.  Like my dad might show up at school sometime and wouldn't know that she was talking to me and not to him.  My mom even came down to school and talked to her after the first week but it didn't matter.  I think my dad might have even tried to talk to her.  

My dad is the one who decided to call me Jake when I was born.  I probably never told you that.  Maybe Mom did?  It was Mom's idea to name me after him and when he asked what they would call me she said Johnny.  (Dad was Johnny until he was 10 or so.)  He didn't like that so he suggested Jake.  Even when I can't stand him I always remember he did that for me.  Maybe if I'd always been Johnny it wouldn't sound as weird but I'm glad I'm Jake.  Real glad I'm Heather Green's #1 Jake.

Babe I love that you want to glare daggers at Mrs. Owensby.  Always defending my honor.  We didn't put that in the pre-nup either but it turns out we didn't need to.  We just both do it. 

We can have a signing ceremony or we can just initial all the changes.  Whatever you want.  I'll just be happy we're in the same place.

I sent Mike a congratulations email yesterday and he emailed me back and told me that you wanted him to fly out to see you this month.  He also said that he can't afford to miss that much work.  He called you thrifty (you know what that's code for) and said you must really want company if you're making that offer.  I'm sorry he turned you down but you can always go see him.  I know you promised you'd go riding to make me happy but if you want to hang out with your brother instead then do it.  You'd get to hang out with everyone.  You'd get to teach Megan to call me Uncle Cowboy Jake.  Think about it ok?  And hey how proud of you is your dad?  I bet he's bragging on you to all the widows at church.

Love you

Jake

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 20:27 (UTC+3)

To: April Green 'AGreenDoc' 

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Thanks April.

Mike said he's in for the birthday conference call surprise.  Even rearranged his shifts so he could be there. 

I think I've got everything covered. Turns out there is a coffee of the week subscription so good call there.  (And yes I've met Heather.  I kind of love her.) 

Mom's helping out too.  There's one more thing I haven't completely figured out how to do but I think she can handle it so you're off the hook for now.  You've already gone above and beyond.  

Love Jake

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 20:42 (UTC+3)

To: Mike Lisinski

Subject: RE: Congratulations Man

Attachments: 

Mike –

Just so we're clear I'm never going to run out on your sister.  And I'm working as hard as I can to keep her from giving up on me.

You're kidding yourself if you think having a kid will stop her from big sistering/momming you.  That might stop when you get married.  Maybe.  40% chance.  Sorry man.

And as soon as your niece or nephew is on the way I'm sending you an open ticket.  Probably a couple.  You and your dad.  We're going to want you both there and I've never been above doing things that earn me bonus points with Heather.

Jake

From: Jake Green (personal)

Sent: Fri Jun 02 20:48 (UTC+3)

To: Gail Green

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Thanks Mom.  

I was apologizing for being a jerk to you too.  Sorry for that. 

I need another favor.  You guys still have a fax machine at the house right?  I want to send you something to take to the florist's so they can deliver it with Heather's birthday roses.  But I don't want to send it to the florist shop because I don't want it all over town.  So if I fax you something can you put it in an envelope and drop it off for me?

I ate 2 vegetables today.  3 if you count pickles which I'm sure you don't.  

Love Jake

From: Jake Green (personal) 

Sent: Fri Jun 02 21:01 (UTC+3)

To: Johnston Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Ganymede

Attachments: 

Dad

Caligula has always been hit or miss.  He's moody.  He's also Nero's brother (historically inaccurate – Nero was Caligula's nephew).  They have the same sire, too, not just dam (I forget the names but both horses were favorites of Gramps).  Caligula is 2 or 3 years younger but has never sired more than 1 or 2 foals in a season.  He's moody and most mares just aren't interested. It's a bad name for a horse and he's lived up to the name.  

There was a Tiberius too but he was sold years ago.  Nero was a better horse than his name would suggest but Gramps probably should have avoided Roman Emperors completely.   

We could use Odysseus but he and Agamemnon are of the same sire with different dams.  We should try for genetic diversity.  That leaves Ganymede or Jupiter (both by Nero but different dams) and I have a better feeling about Ganymede is all.  We didn't use him last year although we could/should have.  He seemed more interested in the mares than Jupiter did.  We need to start developing another stud.  Nobody is going to pay the stud fee we want to charge until he's proven, so that means we need to breed him to our own horses to get some foals on the ground.  Same could be said for Jupiter.  

Agamemnon is our best stud today but we need to plan for the future.  I think Ganymede is the future.  You will need to take your time with him at least for the first cover. But he's a smart horse so I think he'll figure it out.  I'd pick Jupiter as back up to Ganymede and then Odysseus.  

It's late in our season but some farms breed into July. It's Gramps's rule to not go past/into June but most of our mares have always been in foal by June.  So you could do a weekend now and then another at the end of June? Or beginning of July?  Remember most mares have a 3 week cycle.  

We're not breeding racehorses. We could try switching to AI for some mares but I didn't think I could (legally) make that decision on my own and it's too late to switch this season anyway.  AI has its own set of issues.  I'm not sure I want to spend my time collecting and dispensing horse semen.  I think nature's already figured out the best way to do that.  We just intervene to select for a better outcome right?

Sorry I didn't make it back in time to take care of this myself.  Thanks for taking up the slack.  

Of course I'm proud of Heather.  She's worked really hard for this and it's what she wants to do careerwise.  She's a great teacher and I'm sure she's going to be the world's best vice principal.  

Jake

From: April Green 'AGreenDoc' 

Sent: Fri Jun 02 13:17 (UTC-5)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Jake,

You're welcome.  

But you "kind of love Heather"?  You better get a little more effusive, brother, or I'm tellin'. ;-)

Like I said, let me know if there's anything else I can do.  

And congratulations!  You're married to the new vice principal and your brother thinks the end is nigh.

We'll have a conference phone on our end on Sunday, too.  Eric was kind of balky so I called Dad and he promised that he'd take the heat for any ethics inquiry into the use of public resources for a private event.  Feel free to roll your eyes, I sure did.  And Eric finally agreed to bring the phone, handle setup, etc.

Love,

April  

From: Jake Green (personal)

Sent: Fri Jun 02 21:23 (UTC+3)

To: Heather Green (home)

Subject: RE: Stuff

Attachments: 

Hi Babe

I ran out of time to answer my email tonight so I'm going to try to keep this short so I can get to bed.

That was a lot of detail on what people in KS name their kids.  Why did people all of a sudden pick the name Madison?  That was my real question.  Since you enjoyed the research project, I'm glad you got to do it.  But I just wanted to know where did everyone hear Madison and decide that was a good girls name?  Don't they realize they're naming girls after the smallest US president ever?

You know Mom is going to say she hates it/secretly love it if we name our daughter after her.  She would argue for your mom's name as a first name but I also know that you'd prefer ARG to RAG for initials.  We've had this conversation remember?  (The first time we had it you were concussed so that's the only reason I'm asking.)  I agree that ARG is a better set of initials FYI.  But it still dooms our daughter to dressing as a pirate for Halloween for her entire life.

Also why are we allowed to talk about our future kids in email but not on the phone?  We've always talked about this/them.  I know we said we'd wait until we could do it in person but I still don't get it. 

I lost track of where I was going with that. 

The only obstacle I am aware of is the 7000 miles.  Now that I've made you blush again I'm going to hit send and go to bed.  

Love you

Jake 

From: Gail Green 

Sent: Fri Jun 02 14:04 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Jake, honey, no need to apologize, but I do accept your apology.

We still have the fax machine but your father gave up the second phone line when we upgraded to DSL.  So, you'll have to let me know when you're planning to send your fax (to the home number) so I can switch the phone line to the fax machine.  

Your father wants to get an early start out at the ranch tomorrow.  We'll probably leave here at 6:30 - 6:45. I tried to tell him that Saturday is Heather's only sleep-in day, but he's planning to call her tonight to warn her, so I'm sure we'll keep to the schedule.  (We're bringing doughnuts to soften the blow, and she's welcome to sleep in, just know that we'll be downstairs in the kitchen and study.)  I'll have to go with him first thing because he still says he doesn't know how to turn off the alarm.  But that means we'll probably be leaving before you're done with work for the day, right?  (I couldn't believe it when Heather told me you have to work Saturdays too.)

Your best bet is to call me on Sunday or Monday mornings.  I think that works best with your schedule.  I'll switch the line over and we should be in business. 

Your father has already warned me that if they can't get to all the mares tomorrow, they'll likely try to finish up Sunday morning, but that doesn't mean I have to go along.  I'm willing to support his endeavors tomorrow, but this Sunday is all for Heather's birthday.  And I'd like to attend church (I should leave by 9:50 so if you can call before then that would be good) even if your father plays hooky.  

You pick which day works for you, and I will take your message over to the Edgars' shop on Monday afternoon, then I'll pick up the cake, deliver it to the ranch and get in a few hours of bookkeeping.  

I'm planning it for late in the day because I must admit I never remember how to use the lineage software, so I hope Heather comes home in time to walk me through it for the millionth time. I can run the reports, but I never remember how to add a breeding event, and heaven help me if I have to add an actual horse to the database.  

I still haven't gotten the entry in for the Sharpes' mare from a few weeks ago, but I can take care of all of that on Monday.  The Sharpes are also bringing over 2 mares this afternoon (Tony said he could handle that without me) as barter for Rich and Tom's assistance this weekend and next.  If I'm lucky I'll have 10 entries to make, and that may finally teach me/make it stick.

Dad and I are so proud of and excited for Heather and Michael both. This has been a week of wonderful news!

I'm also proud of you for eating 2 vegetables in one day.  And you are correct, pickles are not a vegetable.  They are pickles.

Love Mom

From: Johnston Green (personal) 

Sent: Fri Jun 02 16:11 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Ganymede

Attachments: 

Jake,

I had to look up Tiberius to see how he was related to Caligula and Nero, couldn't remember.  I'd forgotten just how odd all those Roman Empire family relationships could be.  Makes our squabbles look like squabbles.

Also reminded me of that time Grandma pulled me aside after church to let me know that the night before she'd overheard (and put a stop to) Grandpa telling you boys a bedtime story that involved murder and mayhem and orgies in ancient Roman high society.  She was spitting nails mad at him.  So, we took you boys home and I figured I better suss out what you'd learned, and when I asked you told me about some Emperor (Tiberius I now know) being smothered to death – but you seemed to think it meant he'd been killed in a pillow fight.  Then Eric told me about the emperor having orgies with children, so I asked what he thought an orgy was (never have I been so scared to hear an answer) and it turned out you 2 had decided (based on the fact that Grandpa had said an orgy was a grown-up party that children didn't like) that an orgy was exactly like the pinochle party your mother and I had hosted the night before – the whole reason you'd spent the night at the ranch.  I thought it was funny, but your mother was somewhat less amused once I let her in on the joke.  She made me go back and tell you that most adults didn't like orgies either, which I think I would have said if I hadn't been so shocked by my father, and if both of you hadn't earnestly accused me of hosting one the night before.

But still after all that, he named those horses after those Roman Emperors.  He should have just stuck to the Greeks, for bedtime stories and naming horses, at least until you boys were teenagers.

And Nero, Caligula, and Tiberius (I assume) are likely the offspring of Romeo and Titania.  Those were Grandpa's longtime favorites.  He was borrowing names from Shakespeare for more than 2 decades.  You probably already know this, but my horse when I was a teenager was Iago.

Thank you for the background on the horses.  I'm going to take your advice.  We'll try Ganymede out but let Agamemnon carry most of the load for us. Jupiter and then Odysseus as backups.

I'll think about maybe spacing breeding weekends out, and going into July. 

And when you get home, we should talk about AI.  I've always thought it had its merits and its drawbacks, but Grandpa never even wanted to discuss.  Not saying we should do it, but it would be good to discuss.  Of course, if we use AI for our mares, then how do we convince others to bring their mares to us for stud service?  Still, something to kick around.

We're going to get an early start tomorrow.  We'll huddle up at 7 or 7:30 and hopefully be doing our first cover by 8 am.  Maybe a little later if we start with Ganymede.  Wish you were here to organize things.  You have an instinct about horses, son, no denying it.  You mother says you have to work Saturdays too, and Heather says your shifts are 10 or 12 hours most days, so I know you will have a busy day, just maybe less interesting than if you were home.

Take care of yourself, Jake. 

Dad

From: Agent A Beltran-Waller (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Fri Jun 02 16:06 (UTC-6)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: My Status

Attachments: 

Jake,

I'm the only one who is ever going to say this, at least in the DEA, so I'm going to say it.  I know you're rearranging everything so you can try and make it up to Heather for missing her birthday, but the DEA also owes you because it works very well for the operation.  If nothing else, Ellison has noticed you exist.  So, there's your attaboy.  

Nothing stood out as a red flag for me in your inventory.  Clearly you are tired (I would diagnose exhausted) and I wish you weren't 5 weeks away from your vacation, and I wish you didn't have to go into your vacation exhausted.  But not much I can do about that except harangue you from afar to get more sleep.

Keep avoiding alcohol, especially if you can't stand the crowd.  Maybe find someone who is more your speed to play video games against.  Eat vegetables.  Get more sleep.  Prioritize doing one thing that makes you happy every day, which for you, I'm pretty sure, means that you should find time to call your wife.

And with that, I'm calling it for the weekend and thus leaving the triplets unsupervised for a whole hour.  I'm still available to you whenever you need.  Call me.  Email me.  Let me know what I can do for you.  

Stay safe, Jake.   

Ange

From: Heather Green (home) 

Sent: Fri Jun 02 19:14 (UTC-5)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA) 

Subject: RE: VP Appointment & Pre-Nup

Attachments: HL_JG_Pre_Nuptial_Agreement_rev_20060602.pdf

Agent Green,

I don't know that I like what you're implying, mister.  I have not accidentally on purpose lost any pages of the pre-nup.  However, because I am feeling very generous this evening, I have, completely of my own volition, added a peanut butter cookie clause to the pre-nup.  Hence, the latest and greatest revision is attached.

But really, when have I not made you peanut butter cookies? (Unless I was ill or under a major deadline for school, and we have exceptions for things like that.)  I am happy to hear that we'll have a kitchen on our vacation.  You may wine and dine me in the evening, but it will be good to be able to make coffee and breakfasts, maybe some lunches in our own space.  I also expect pancakes at least once.  (Or once per week?  Each Saturday of our vacation?)  And I will definitely make you peanut butter cookies.  Now I will wait patiently for the big reveal as to where this kitchen is located.

We're so having a pre-nup (re-nup?) signing ceremony.  I'm even bringing special pens like it's major legislation and we're in the White House Rose Garden. ;-)

Ben Gunnison called me at 4 (Barbara had warned him to wait for school to be over which was very nice of her) and let me know that there is nothing that gives him pause about the contract changes except that I'm not getting paid anything additional.  (He actually said "any more" but I heard "anymore" so I asked if he was saying they weren't going to pay me at all.  I wasn't being funny, that's actually what I heard, but I embarrassed him and I felt really bad about that.)  I told him that everyone in the Green family was put out over my non-raise, so he could join the club.  Anyway, I'm going to sign the contract and return it on Monday.  (Speak now or forever hold your peace, Jake.  You have until Monday.)

I was not flirting when I call Ben Gunnison "Mr. Gunnison" at our wedding.  It was like muscle memory, and we were both embarrassed.  (Seems to be a theme with me and your lawyer.)  There were A LOT of people in that reception line, and that is the only thing I really remember from it.  I'm very glad that the thing you most remember from our wedding is that I was there.  That's what I most remember too, that you were there.  And that I didn't think it would feel that different to be married (vs. being engaged), but it turned out it did.  All in a very good and wonderful way.

I am skipping the rest of the very obvious debate to be had about flirting because, honestly, that will be a fun in person conversation. You are forewarned. 

Also, speaking of accusations of flirting, my dad doesn't chat up the widows at church!  That was Gramps all the way.  (I know you know this, but he flirted with me to tweak you.  And when you weren't there, then he was pleading your case.  I remember the first time he called you my "young buck".  Major blush moment but I so wanted it to be true.)

I haven't told Dad or anyone named Lisinski about the vice principal appointment because I don't want to steal Mikey's thunder.  I'll tell them all next week after it's official official.  If you email Mikey back, please don't tell him. 

Maybe I'll go to Buffalo sometime this summer.  (Not if you come home, though.)  But for the first week at least I'm just going to sleep in and go riding with April and read fun but bad science fiction. 

The Mrs. Owensby thing makes me want to ask Mrs. Walker where exactly she moved to.  (I know the Chicago area to be closer to her daughter, but I want an address.)  I would so go glare laser beams at her, forget daggers.  Bet I could get April to go with me as a road trip.  And really, Johnston Jr.?  All year?  That's 4 syllables!  (In college, I had an Anastasia in my day camp camper group and I was so tired of saying that 4 syllable name a thousand times each day once those 2 months were over.  And, Johnston Jr. feels like it takes a little longer to say to me.  Probably the vowel to consonant ratio.)  Mrs. Walker didn't call you Johnston Jr. too, did she?  I might have to re-evaluate my stance.

But I really love knowing that about your dad – that he's the one who ultimately named you.  Your mom hasn't gotten around to telling me that story. (But if she ever does, I will lap it up.)  Also, is it shallow if I say that I'm glad your dad named you Jake and didn't go along with Johnny?  Only because it would have given me a moment's pause when you first told me your name if you'd told me my brother's name.  You have never reminded me of my brothers but that would have definitely taken a moment to process, and I was already processing a lot.  And you are most definitely Heather Green's #1 Jake 4EVR.  <3 <3 <3

Also, since I was working on the pre-nup/re-nup anyway, I made the executive decision to add a new section at the end (well, the current end) titled "It Goes Without Saying..." and listed that we always defend one another's honor.  Not a requirement, but an acknowledgement of fact.  

Love, love, love you!

Heather

From: Heather Green (home) 

Sent: Fri Jun 02 20:42 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Stuff

Attachments: 

Hi Jake,

New rule/requirement.  If it's after 9 pm for you, then you don't have to email me back, OK?  It's more important to me that you get sleep than I hear from you every day.  I want to hear from you of course, but I don't want you making yourself sick through sleep deprivation.  So that's my new rule.

I guess I did go overboard on the names research.  The funny thing is, I kind of have the same question you do – why are people choosing Madison?  It might be the nickname (Maddy) but if I wanted to call my daughter Maddy (which I don't), I'd probably name her Madeline (there's a children's book series called the Madeline books).  But I don't know why people are choosing Madison.  

I looked up James Madison, and you're right, he was tiny.  When I'm both taller than and outweigh a US president, he was a small guy.  I'm mean, I'm only an inch taller, but still.  How did you remember that?  And who taught you that?  The nuns at my school didn't give us these interesting details.  

I do remember discussing our pirate daughter, even though I was concussed.  You even promised that you would dress up as a pirate with us, probably because you thought I wouldn't remember that later.  As for your mom, she's going to be too busy telling everyone that she's a grandma to pretend to hate anything.  I really think her reaction is going to be us getting engaged to the power of 10.  That or she'll totally play it cool and then we'll be so confused and won't know how to react.

Sorry, I got a call from your dad.  (Okay, I just realized you can't possibly know that I stepped away from the computer, duh.  I'm tired tonight.  And already in my pjs.  But they're not flannel, and that's all you get.)  They're starting early tomorrow with the breeding.  He wanted to make sure I knew they'd be here by 7 and that it was OK to use the kitchen. (Of course.)  He promised to bring doughnuts and your mom promised to bring lunch fixings, so I'll be well fed, I guess.  

I know I'm being inconsistent.  I say things and then I get mad at you for saying the same things.  I start it and then I don't want to finish it.  I don't know why except maybe there are things I am afraid to hear when we're not together.  So next time I say something about it, just say something back.  

It's been a week.  And I know yours was a lot harder, so don't hate me when I say I'm going to go to bed, and I honestly don't care if there's a house full of people tomorrow morning and I'm the bad hostess who doesn't get up til noon. (And your mom did tell me to feel free to sleep in 4 times, so I'd say she wants me to sleep in though I'm not sure why.)

Love you,

Heather 

From: Mike Lisinski  

Sent: Fri Jun 02 22:27 (UTC-4)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA) 

Subject: RE: Congratulations Man

Attachments: 

Jake,

Dude, we have an agreement that you don't talk/brag about the sex you have with my sister.  You can have it, but don't tell me about it.  And talking about Heather and bonus points in the same sentence is totally crossing that line.

And let me live in my delusion about redirecting Heather's maternal instinct from me to her actual kids.  After all there's still a chance, right?

Mike

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Sat Jun 03 18:23 (UTC+3)

To: Eric Green (home); Eric Green 'EGreen@townofjericho.org'

Subject: Heather's Contract

Attachments: 

Eric –

Thanks for taking a look at Heather's contract.  I knew they were screwing her over and I agree they should have given her some sort of raise.  But she's always gone above and beyond and has never been paid for it.  She really wants to take the job even if what it means is she has to do 2 jobs and only get paid for 1.

Thanks for helping Dad out at the ranch this weekend.  I tried to do some breeding before I left for Afghanistan but you have to put the mares under the lights 24/7 (starting December 1) to bring them into estrus in early February and even then it doesn't always work.  I didn't start it until mid-December plus I always feel like I'm torturing the horses.  

I didn't expect this job to run this long.  So thanks for helping salvage the season.

Jake

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Sat Jun 03 18:32 (UTC+3)

To: April Green 'AGreenDoc'

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

April –

Is this effusive enough?  I love Heather more than I love my own life.  Sounds dramatic but it's true.

Thanks for confirming that it still freaks Eric out that I might be a contributing member of society married to a definite contributing member of society.  In the email he sent me he was all wow what is the world coming to?  Good to know what he really thinks.

Turns out Heather hasn't told her dad or anyone else about the promotion – she doesn't want to steal Mike's thunder. So maybe warn everyone else before the conference call tomorrow?  She's planning to tell them next week and she should get to be the one who tells them.

Love Jake

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Sat Jun 03 18:39 (UTC+3)

To: Mike Lisinski  

Subject: RE: Congratulations Man

Attachments: 

Mike – 

I haven't been within 7K miles of my wife/your sister in 4 months.  Nothing to talk or brag about.  

It'll be 5 months by the time we finally get to see each other.  Pretty sure I won't have to call on bonus points. Just make sure we're in the same place. (That's a prediction not bragging.)

And where does future Dr. Lisinski think his niece/nephew will come from anyway?

Jake

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Sat Jun 03 19:04 (UTC+3)

To: Heather Green (home)

Subject: RE: VP Appointment & Pre-Nup

Attachments: 

Mrs. Green – 

Didn't mean to imply a thing.  Nothing at all.  Thanks for the updates they all look good.  I like the new section, and thanks for rectifying my peanut butter cookie oversight.  I am sure the mistake was all mine.  We can have a signing ceremony and then a reception afterward – champagne and peanut butter cookies.

And I will make you pancakes each Saturday of our vacation ok?  That's 3 Saturdays in a row of pancakes.  

Now there are 2 copies of our pre-nup in the discovery dump.  So the soulless corporate attorney gets to review it free of charge (to us).  Almost as good as sending it to Benji Gunnison.

Sign the contract Heather.  You've read it.  I've read it.  Ben and Eric have read it.  Sure it's no more money but it's not a trap.  It's what you want and I want it for you.  It'll be a lot of work but you're going to be great at it.  And then you'll be a great principal when they promote you again.  So I am speaking now not holding my peace and you can sign it as soon as you see this email.  Drop it off at the district HQ before school on Monday instead of after.  

And call your dad.  Mike is not going to mind sharing a little thunder with you.  You're his favorite sister.

You're my favorite person in the universe.  All of them.  

And being married to you is so much better than just being lucky enough to love you (which was already pretty damn good).  Surprised me too that getting married made it all feel different.  Freddie tells me I'm an old married guy so I'm glad I get to be your old married guy and your #1 Jake.  (And that I'm not Johnny.)  

Love you

Jake

From: Jake Green (personal) 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 19:42 (UTC+3)

To: Heather Green (home)

Subject: RE: Stuff

Attachments: 

Hey Babe –

I'll try to follow your rule.  Yesterday my problem was I emailed my parents ahead of you.  That broke my rule of always reading and responding to your email first.  Probably the shock of my Dad emailing me.  And asking for advice/input plus he says we should discuss the merits of moving to AI.  

He's going to try to breed 7 mares in one day.  I think Gramps and I together (with help) only ever did 5 in a day.  

I hope you're just waking up.  Don't feel bad about telling me you're sleeping in.  I can't wait til I can sleep in with you.  And if my parents feel the need to camp out in our kitchen on a Saturday morning then anything they overhear is on them.  Sorry, I'm not actually trying to leave you blushing.  I've had a long day/week too and I miss you.

What grade do they assign out the presidents for reports?  I got James Madison that year.  I probably should remember more than that he was short and didn't weigh a 100 lbs soaking wet but that's what I remember.  Also he got us into the War of 1812.  Wrote some of the Federalist Papers.  Helped call the Constitutional Convention.  And his stepson was no good with money/plantation management so he ended up poor.  Ok that's really all I remember.

I'm fine with dressing up as a pirate with you and our kids for Halloween (The Recluse Pirate Greens) as long as there's no makeup involved. That's my main costume rule.  No makeup.  

And no way Mom can play it cool.  You do realize she's going to move in with us.  Probably for years.  

Ok.  If the first thing you did after you woke up at noon was check your email I'm suggesting/telling you go downstairs right now and have coffee and donuts.  I hope they remembered to get your favorites and to save them for you.  They're borrowing our kitchen after all.

I'm going to let you go.  Have a good day.  Wander down to the barn and see how they're doing if you want.  Maybe not.  I know you still think it's a little weird. But if you do I'd love an on the ground report from my favorite person in the universe.

I love you

Jake

From: Jake Green (personal) 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 20:02 (UTC+3)

To: Gail Green

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Mom –

I'll call you on your cell phone at about 9:30 tomorrow ok?  That way we can still talk and I can be sure you get the fax.  It's a whole process here to get to use a fax machine but I'm sending a handwritten note so this is the way I have to do it.

You're still going to go to church even if Dad has to go back to the ranch tomorrow right?  I don't know that Dad can get 7 mares done in a day let alone 9.  Gramps and I always thought it was a good day to finish 5.  And he's going to use Ganymede who is unproven so far.

It's not too bad working Saturdays.  Better to have something to do here than too much free time on my hands.  Maybe if I had an hour more to wind down at night that would be good.  Wish I could talk to Heather more but the time difference makes it hard. Part of my plan for her birthday is to talk to her 4 times.  She doesn't know that yet so don't tell her ok?  And when I get home I'm not going anywhere for a year at least.

Love Jake

From: Jake Green (personal) 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 20:19 (UTC+3)

To: Johnston Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Ganymede

Attachments: 

Dad –

I'd rather be home to help this weekend.  Breeding horses can be hard work but it's way better than driving a truck.  Horses have personalities and that makes them interesting.  (A strike against AI but we should still discuss.)  I hope everything goes well.  You know that if you can even breed 5 mares and introduce Ganymede to his job you should call it a success.  That's about the most Gramps and I ever tried to do in one day.

So that story about Gramps and the Roman Emperors?  Is it ok if I forward that email to Heather?  She likes stories about my childhood and about Gramps (this one may be pushing it) and I don't think I could ever retell it and do it justice. (Not sure I want to send it to her but just in case.) 

I've always thought pillow fights were dumb and now I know where that came from.  Never played pinochle.  What's the point of a card game that uses a deck that looks like a regular one but then you realize it isn't?  

I can't believe Gramps was telling us about Roman orgies when we were 7 or 8.  I don't remember this but I believe you.  He wouldn't tell Heather about Cormac Green's 2 wives named Mary and she's an adult but he'd tell little kids about that.

So when Heather and I have kids don't tell them stories like that.  Military/most history fine.  Cowboy stories are good.  Animal adventures great.  Roman emperors no.

Also please never say the word orgy out loud around me.  Or even type it again.  Thanks.

Jake

From: Jake Green (personal) 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 20:35 (UTC+3)

To: Heather Green (home)

Subject: Monday

Attachments: 

Hey Babe –

Mom's going to come out to the ranch on Monday afternoon.  She's doing me a favor and she's hoping you'll be around to do her a favor.  Don't tell her I told you but she needs help with the lineage software.  So if you're looking for a reason to leave school a little early on Monday she'd love the help.  

My parents feel bad for me because I have to work on Saturdays.  I take it that they don't know I work Sundays too?  That we drive every day?  Don't tell them.  They wouldn't believe you or   they'd really start to worry about me.  I'm tired and probably should eat better but nothing you need to worry about either ok?

Dad told me to take care of myself and that he wished I was there to organize things today.

Love you

Jake

From: Agent JJ Green (DEA) [SECURE EMAIL]

Sent: Sat Jun 03 20:56 (UTC+3)

To: Heather Green (home)

Subject: Quick favor

Attachments: 

Babe –

My parents and Eric all told me how happy for/proud of you they are about you being appointed vice principal and also mentioned being happy for/proud of Mike.  They all emailed me at my other account.

If you don't mind send Jake Green an email mentioning that your brother got into medical school.  It'll be a weird order but just to be safe it would be good if you told the other me the good news about your brother.  Maybe just talk about it like of course I already know.

Sorry I have to bother you about this.  

Just under the wire for the 9 pm rule.  Going to bed now like a good boy.

Love you 

Jake

From: Heather Green (home) 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 14:43 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: The Breeding Report

Attachments: 

Hi Jake,

Well now I wish I had slept in so I would have maybe been able to catch you.  I would have dared to call you if I'd gotten your email right when it came in. 

Your parents really seemed surprised to hear that you had to drive on Saturdays, so you're right, I never told them you drive on Sundays, too.  I hope that's OK.  I don't always know what I should say to them, so I err on the side of caution.

I got 8+ hours of sleep and still got up at 6:30 this morning, so when your parents got here, I already had the coffee made.  I hadn't turned off the alarm though and your father seemed grumpy (or is it snippy?  Sorry, that's snarky) about your mom making him stand there and watch how she disarmed it.  But it's really not that hard. 

I wasn't really dressed (I mean I had clothes on, it wasn't awkward) but after they got here, I grabbed coffee número dos, then went back upstairs and showered and got dressed for real.  By the time I made it back down, April, Eric and the Sharpes had all arrived, and Eric, your dad, Rich and Tom had already gone down to the hospital barn.  

But your mom made sure to save me my doughnuts (helps that your dad and I have the same favorites, he made sure to order for both of us specifically) and Carla Sharpe was there too, so we had an impromptu ladies' continental breakfast which Stanley crashed for about 10 minutes before your mom made him go down to the barn.

Let me pause now to say that if you were here, I would have slept in as late as you did.  But you would have probably had to get up and go help/run the whole operation so that wouldn't have been too late.  (I'm glad to hear that your dad realizes that you can organize and run things.  I never doubted it, and I never doubted that he knew it, but I'm really glad he told you that.)  I don't think you would be trying to start at 7, more like 9.  BTW I'm not blushing, just really looking forward to sleeping in with you in the future. :-) 

Your mom kicked April and me out after breakfast (she also apologized for ordering me around in my own house, but hey, she and Carla volunteered to do the dishes so I was fine with that). April and I kind of slow walked down to the barn.  It's been a busy couple of weeks, and we had some stuff to catch up on.  

We talked about Mikey and how excited we both are for him.  It's been 3 or 4 days so I think it's going to stick this time.  I was sad when he decided not to go last year, but I also get wanting a break from school before plunging ahead for almost another decade.  All I did was a 2-year Master's program and I'm glad I had a year off.  It's been his dream/calling since our mom first got sick.  But he's definitely going to med school this fall, I'm not letting him back out this time.

So, with our leisurely stroll down to the barn, we almost ended up missing Doc Hansen.  He'd had time to check all the mares (Tony had been "making introductions" all week and noting interests so this really was the last thing that needed to be done before getting started). Turns out Doc Hansen had been monitoring like 18 - 20 mares and the 7 was an estimate he gave your dad earlier in the week.  (I'm sure you understood that he was playing the odds and it's just city girl me who is always finding out that I do not understand nearly as much as I think I do about what goes on around here.)  

So, turns out that there are 6 Green Ranch mares (not 7) plus the 2 from the Sharpes that they are hoping to get to today.  I didn't tell your dad that you'd said running 5 live covers in a day was a lot, but luckily Doc Hansen gave him the list in priority order and suggested that 3 of the mares (2 of ours, 1 of the Sharpes) would probably be "more successful" if he waited at least until tomorrow.  For the Sharpes' mare he actually said that they might want to wait until Monday or Tuesday.  Your dad was pretty clear that Monday was out but said that maybe he and Eric could handle one live cover on Tuesday morning if Rich and Tony were also available.  So, Doc Hansen is coming out tomorrow, too, to make his recommendation on whether they should just do our 2 or all 3 horses.   

Doc Hansen also said the he'd keep monitoring the other mares and let your dad know on Thursday how many mares he'd likely have for next Saturday.  Doc Hansen thinks there will be 3 or 4, including Callisto.  Your dad didn't think she was old enough, but she's 4 now, and if there is one thing I remember from what you've taught me about equine breeding it is that you start breeding mares at 3.  I said that she was old enough but that she hasn't been bred yet, and I didn't know why. 

Then, everyone's looking at me and no one actually said this, but the question clearly was "So, Heather, aren't you ready to breed your horse?"  I don't know the answer to that question without at least running it by you.  Which is what I told them.  I've never really thought about it.  So, again I'm going to claim "city girl" and let you decide.  Plus, I know Gramps gave her to me, but she's technically owned by the ranch.  So, you, your dad, and Eric should really be making this decision, not me.  Even April when I asked her said it was probably time, but that I should ask you because Callie's a maiden mare.  I almost called you right then even though I knew you were still working.  April seemed to be implying that, maybe, your dad shouldn't be getting so ambitious?  

April and I hung around for the first "event": Aphrodite and Ganymede.  Your dad kind of announced to us all that it was Ganymede's first time (but I guess you don't call a stallion a "maiden") and that "we're going to take it slow".    You dad handed me the clipboard and asked if I minded playing recorder which really is the only job I am qualified for in that situation (especially since everyone got so serious about it being Ganymede's first time.  What do you call a stallion that hasn't been bred before anyway?).  I told your dad that's what you have me do too (write down what you tell me to), so he didn't have to feel bad about it.  It honestly wasn't weird except that Aphrodite is 12 and Ganymede is 4 (born on the Ides of March, 2 days before Callie who shares Stanley's birthday).  They're horses so I shouldn't even think about these things.  It's not like it's a lifetime commitment, right?  (It's barely a 10-minute encounter.)  And, it's not strange to breed a stallion to a mare 3 times his age, right?  But still, I thought about these things.  

So, they both got scrubbed down and prepped. Eric and Stanley took Ganymede, Eddie and Tom took Aphrodite.  Everyone was very excited to hear that Aphrodite peed right on cue before they even started to wash her.  Then they brought them near each other and she peed again and Ganymede was clearly interested. 

It was good Rich was there. Your dad admitted it had been decades (his word) since he'd been involved in a horse's first time (I still need a more specific word for this).  Rich at least had more recent experience.  He seemed concerned mostly that Ganymede wouldn't know how to mount.  (Yes, I am/was blushing.  But you asked for a report so I will persevere.)  He described a couple of ways it could go wrong and pointed out that if Ganymede panicked and bit Aphrodite then they'd have to scratch him and maybe her.  He said he'd heard about stallions trying to mount from the side.  That didn't sound good.  (Really blushing by this point.)  But then he says, "Most stallions figure it out pretty quickly, given the reward".  (Yep, still bright red.)  So, they put Tony and the teenagers with Aphrodite, and then Rich, Eric and Stanley took charge of Ganymede and somehow it worked.  April was throwing out tips and cheering them all on.  Then Ganymede got his flehmen response expression and Aphrodite was still basically calm (a few whinnies, but I guess she knows the routine) and Eric shouted "good mount" (and I turned purple at this point because, sorry, everyone should have been embarrassed at that).  And it was all over in a couple of minutes.  

The kicker is that apparently my blushing was super distracting to Tom and even to Eddie.  So, your dad suggested that maybe I not hang around for the next one.  I got kicked out of a breeding event because the discussion of how to teach a stallion to breed was a little too much for me, and apparently also for the teenage boys (who should have been taking care of Aphrodite, not worrying about me) who saw me react.  I'm such an amateur.

April and I went back to the house.  Everyone came up for lunch about 12:15. They decided to leave Ganymede basking in his afterglow and did the second cover with Agamemnon and Aurora.  They headed back down (April included, but I told her to go) after lunch and I came upstairs to check my email.  I knew I would have something from you, and frankly I needed some alone time.  So sorry I can't give a more fulsome/eyewitness account of the subsequent "events".  

Anyway, that is basically my whole day so far. I know they are going to try and push through and do 3 more today, so they'll all be here a while.  I may go over the St. Elizabeth's for the 5:30 Mass.  Then I can sleep in tomorrow without worry.  Your mom says she has to be in church tomorrow, and your dad said they can make coffee down in the tack room so they don't need to use the kitchen tomorrow (I'm really starting to think he's afraid to deal with the alarm on his own) so I am going to take advantage of that and sleep in for real.  

I love your mom and Carla's very nice but I'm not sure I want to spend the next 3 or 4 hours just listening to their conversation and trying to fit into it somehow. I've gone down twice (I desperately need to do laundry) and they are having a good time without me but they're always so nice as I make my way through and very apologetic about being in my way.

Your mom told me that she needed another tutorial on the lineage software and then Carla offered to show her too.  It's one thing I can actually do at the ranch/for the ranch.  Especially now that I can't even be trusted to play recorder in the breeding shed. :-(  Anyway, Gramps and I spent a whole week of evenings learning how to use that software.  I read the manual and then I taught it to him – kind of in my wheelhouse, right?  

So, I still said I'd be home early on Monday.  Even with needing to turn the signed contract in, I should be fine.  No one stays late the last week of school, including Sandy (still typed Mrs. McVeigh first) and me.  Sandy even tells Mrs. Crenshaw to take off as soon as 4 o'clock hits.  And she only has to stay that long because the official hours of the school office are 7 to 4.

Oh, and the favor your mom is doing for you on Monday wouldn't have anything to do with my birthday, would it?  It's sweet of her to assist you with whatever you are up to, but really all I need is some of your time – to spend some time together (even by Skype).  That's what I miss the most.

Maybe I should have asked April if she wanted to go riding, but I didn't want to distract any of the breeding crew (is that the right term?) and I figured that would do it, even though we would have been going to the mares' barn to get Callie and Arabella.  I tried to talk to Tom and Eddie at lunch and it was awkward, particularly with Eddie.  I mean, until he got his license, I gave him a ride to school most days.  It's not like we don't have a history of having perfectly normal conversation.  But so not happening today.  They were both pretty blushy themselves.

Maybe it's just that suddenly there's been a house/ranch full of people all day and none of them are you.  I can be social and polite but at some point, it just becomes a bunch of people invading our space. :-(  Though, really, what right do I have to even think that way?  It's the Green Ranch and it belongs to your parents and Eric as much as/more than it does to me.  They all have way more history here than I do.  Stanley and April have a longer claim than me.

OK I need to stop obsessing over this now.  It's just a thing that happened, right?

I'm glad you're in for the Recluse Pirate Greens family costume. No makeup, I swear.  (Though you're sure you don't want Jack Sparrow's eyeliner look?  KIDDING!!)  The presidential report assignment was probably 5th grade.  Given all that you still remember I would have given you an A. :-)

And even though I know it's not apparent from this email, I really will be glad to have your mom around when we have kids.  Maybe not if she moves in for years, but definitely I would want to call on all that Mom Wisdom.  (And probably she's the first person I'll be comfortable with having babysit.  Her or April.)

I miss you, too.  And I love you to pieces (which doesn't sound so good does it?  Why would I want you in pieces?)  

Love you,

Heather

From: Heather Green (home)

Sent: Sat Jun 03 15:21 (UTC-5)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA) 

Subject: I wanted to change it but ... no ideas

Attachments: 

Agent Green,

This is really dumb, but I've been thinking about it for a bit.  And then you addressed your latest email to me as "Mrs. Green" and I keep calling you "Agent Green".  Do you remember the TV show, "Scarecrow and Mrs. King"?  Suddenly I think we could be a re-make of that.  You don't have a code name though.  How about Cowboy and Mrs. Green?  

Also, it suddenly occurs to me that I don't know what order you read your email in.  Or if you read it in the same order every time.  Do you check this account or your personal account first?  Or, do you bop (and I know you would never "bop") back and forth between the 2?  The only reason I care is because I just sent you a very long email to your other account so if anything in here seems weird that's why.  And I did my best to drop the Mikey goes to med school mention in there and I made up a whole story about him not going last year that you'll know is a lie, but also a plausible explanation for why I hadn't mentioned it before.  I hope that was good enough.

I love the idea of a post pre-nup re-signing ceremony reception.  I will absolutely make peanut butter cookies for that!

I'm also going to hold you to 3 Saturdays of pancakes, mister.  That sounds like heaven. 

Thanks for one last pep talk on the "promotion".  I've signed the contract and I will drop it off on Monday.  I will even try and go by before school.

I'm going to call my dad after I get back from Mass. (I decided to go to tonight's Mass which you already know if you've read my other email.  Too much to get into again, but I kind of want to get out of the house, and this way I've checked the go to church box for the week-ish and then I can be home alone all morning and most of the afternoon tomorrow if someone who loves me wants to maybe give me a call, OK?)  

If I'm remembering Mikey's schedule correctly, he's worked all day today, so I can't call him until like 10 or 10:30 tonight.  He'll still be up because he's just like you, takes him a couple of hours to wind down.  That's probably me too.  (Though remember back when you were going to Denver and I was home and we'd talk for hours and you'd have to tell me to hang up because I kept falling asleep on the phone?)  Anyway, I'll call him tonight, late, and then I'll email everyone else. Happy?

>> You're my favorite person in the universe.  All of them.

And you don't know how much I needed that today, Jake.  You're my favorite person, too.  In every universe.  (The other stuff you said about being married was pretty wonderful, too.)

Love, love, love you!

Heather

From: Gail Green 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 20:26 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Jake, 

I will be waiting tomorrow morning in the den with my cell phone for your call.  I think this is a sweet gesture, to send a handwritten note, and I'm sure Heather will be thrilled to get it, even though she'll realize that you had to fax it.  And your secret of the 4 calls is safe with me.  

You were right about how much your father and crew could accomplish in one day, so they're all going out again tomorrow to do 2 or 3 more.  I reminded them all that they need to finish by 1 or 2 at the latest so as to make Heather's family birthday dinner on time.  She had already left for Mass by then, so April and I read them the riot act (about being on time tomorrow and some other things).  We need everyone at dinner by 5:30 so we can do the conference call with the Lisinskis.

I'm sure you heard about what happened this morning from Heather.  After lunch, she said she was going upstairs to sort her laundry and check her email, and I think to just get away from all of us interlopers.  I'm sure she sent you all the gory details.  (I don't actually know them all, but Heather, April and your dad all said enough that I have an idea of what happened.)   She might have even called you, for all I know.  I certainly wouldn't blame her for that.  

I'm not going to defend your dad, and I don't think he's going to defend himself either.  Certainly, Heather didn't deserve to find herself in the middle of such a dust up.  And let me just say, I'm glad you and Eric are grown men and I don't have to regularly deal with teenage boy brains and hormones anymore.  Today was quite enough for me, for the next decade at the very least.  

I do still occasionally get a visit from Dale, but he seems willing to slip back into being the little boy I can give cookies and milk to, and we just sit and talk about school and his work at the market.  So, he's my easy teenager.

I didn't even do any of the hard work today and I'm beat.  I think I'm going to go get ready for bed.  I'll talk to you in the morning.  I'm looking forward to it.  I don't begrudge Heather any of the phone calls the two of you get, but I am looking forward to talking to you myself, honey.

Love Mom

From: Heather Green (home) 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 20:34 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: Follow up on the Breeding Report

Attachments: 

Hi Jake,

Take my earlier mini rant with a grain of salt, OK?  Or just as a moment in time when I was feeling a little hurt, a little out of sorts.  I'm feeling a lot better now with some time/distance from the "event".

I went to the 5:30 Mass and it was exactly what I needed.  Father Reynaldo stopped me as I was leaving and held onto my hand and it was like he could see right through me – that he just knew I was having a bad day.  So, he pulled me over a few feet because there were a few older ladies also waiting to talk to him.  It was nice that he took the time and tried to give me some privacy.  He was still holding onto my hand, it was very comforting, and we got to talk quietly for a few minutes.  

He asked about you, and if you were still overseas.  When I told him yes, he was so empathetic (which I always find amazing in the priests that can manage that, given the vow of celibacy and everything) and told me that he was sure that our separation was difficult for you too, but that "Your marriage will be stronger for this season in which, because of the physical separation, you can concentrate on communication.  You have the opportunity to go back to the beginning and get to know one another again, or maybe simply better."  (I may not be quoting him exactly but I feel like I am.  I could feel the words burning into my brain.)

I decided to really take that to heart.  I mean, I don't think we ever told him about how we used to talk on the phone for hours when we were first dating and you were working out of town, but that's how I think I need to look at this.  You're farther away and the time difference is an actual difference.  I know we're not going to be having 3 or 4 hour phone conversations.  But we still get to talk, and we have email.  And I really, really want my birthday Skype.  Seriously the only present I need.

So, before I left the church, I lit a candle (I'm usually not that kind of Catholic :-) ) and said a prayer for you and for us.  That definitely made me feel better.  Then as I was leaving, the deacon who was checking/restocking the literature rack stops me to ask if I need anything (a NFP brochure in hand) then asks me if I'm Johnston and Gail Green's daughter-in-law (so I'm back to thinking way more people know who I am than really should).  I said that I was, and it turned out she and your mom went to high school and nursing school together in Rogue River.  So, she gave me her name and made me promise to pass her regards onto your mom.  And she didn't even try to offer me the pamphlet (which is what I thought I was being stopped for).

I decided to go straight home, because I figured they would be all done and gone by the time I got back since it was after 6:30.  And, everyone was gone except your parents who were sitting on the porch swing waiting for me.  It was a little odd (why didn't they just stay in the house?) but also kind of adorable.  They both looked tired, but they were swinging slightly, talking (maybe) and holding hands, and I want us to be sitting on the swing holding hands and chatting (if we feel like it) when we've been married (almost) 40 years, OK?

Your mom wanted to confirm the dinner menu for my pre-birthday dinner tomorrow (yes, I really do want sausage lasagna on Sunday AND I still want to go to Roma Italia on Tuesday) and then your dad apologized for kicking me out this morning.  He said that he wasn't as good at handling teenagers as he used to be.  Then he snorted and said that when I told you he'd said that, you'd say he was never that good in the first place, so he must be pretty miserable at it now.  But he was sorry, and said that he wasn't blaming me for anything that happened, and that he only did it because he wanted to keep from having the whole day derail. Then he admitted that he'd been unfair to put that on me "in the name of expediency".  I accepted his apology and I even gave him a hug.  I told him he can use the kitchen tomorrow if he wants but he turned me down (and your mother gave me quite the eye roll, but she was standing next to him and just a smidge behind so he didn't see).

Anyway, all's well that ends well, right?  

And before you start thinking "Wow, Heather went to church and now she's so, preternaturally, saintly good" (yes, I wanted to use preternaturally in a sentence even if it isn't exactly the right word) just know that I had 4 deviled eggs (well halves, so 2 total eggs) and 3 different kinds of sugary cereal (all mixed together – it looked gross, and tasted great, and you would have been so impressed) for dinner and then made myself pistachio pudding for dessert.  Plus, I gave Baron 5 of those peanut butter dog treats you found for him at the feed store so now he's on the bed, breathing peanut butter dog breath at me.  Just another Saturday night on the Green Ranch. :-)

Love you,

Heather

From: Johnston Green (personal) 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 20:47 (UTC-5)

To: Jake Green (personal)

Subject: RE: Ganymede

Attachments: 

Jake,

I'm sure that you've heard all about what happened today during Ganymede's inaugural breed.  I know that it hurt Heather when I asked her to leave, and I am very sorry about that.  I said that I would have liked to have you here to organize us, and I was really feeling that in that moment.  You probably would have thought better of pairing the 2 teenagers together. (I separated them after the incident, but that was closing the barn door after the horses were gone, so to speak.)  I'm sure you would have sensed what was coming and had something to say that would have nipped it in the bud.  It would have been sarcastic and obnoxious and probably would have grated on my nerves, but things would have gone a little less sideways.  

I apologized to Heather and she accepted, but I still feel awful about how everything went.

You were right about the number of live covers we could do in a day.  Ganymede being inexperienced didn't help, though he does seem to understand what is being asked of him.  We used him for the last of the day as well, with Thalia.  So, it was Ganymede bred to Aphrodite and Thalia, and Agamemnon bred to Aurora, Clio, and the Sharpe's mare, Mathilda.

Doc Hansen is coming out to check the other mares tomorrow and we'll either do 2 or 3 more.  I'll talk it over with him and see if we should wait 2 weeks or 3 before going again with a less ambitious slate.  Rich Sharpe also (thankfully) says after this week that he'll just send 3 stable hands over to help out from here on out.  The Sharpes run six, week-long horse day camps starting on the 12th, skipping 4th of July week, so he needs to be onsite for those, and he's having Tom work them as well.  

I'm not sure that Heather will be amused by my email regarding the Roman Emperors, especially after today.  But if you want to share it with her, feel free.  And you boys were 5 and a half, didn't even start Kindergarten until a few weeks later.

After today, if I'm allowed to tell my grandchildren stories, bedtime or otherwise, I promise to use some discretion and stick to tales suitable for children.  

Dad

From: April Green 'AGreenDoc' 

Sent: Sat Jun 03 21:06 (UTC-5)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA) 

Subject: RE: Favor

Attachments: 

Jake,

Effusive enough for sure.  You pass.

You might want to tell Heather that (word for word) next time you talk to her. She had a rough day today.  I'm sure you've heard all about it from her and from Mom.  She called me a little bit ago to tell me she's feeling better thanks to her trip to Mass, but still.  She was so embarrassed and none of it was her fault.  I was even more to blame than Heather, and I am not taking the blame for a couple of teenage boys with sex on the brain.  That's just human development in all its glory (and not so glory).

Now you've freaked Eric out by emailing him from your work account.  I guess it never occurred to him that you have one?  He asked me if I knew you had a DEA email account and were called "Agent Green" and I played it so cool and said of course I've known that forever, and you email me from it all the time.  Got to keep your brother on his toes after all.

Though, honestly, he's toast after today (been a while since he did that much physical labor) and he still has to go back tomorrow.  He's sacked out already snoring like a sawmill (I've never been in a sawmill, but I assume that's what it sounds like).  Really should have been more insistent about getting that taken care of.  But you know the old saying, bakers' children have no bread, cobblers' kids go barefoot, and doctors' husbands never get their deviated septums corrected.

Eric felt bad about what happened with Heather, and so did Stanley.  He didn't say a thing to Heather about any of it during lunch, and that kind of teasing is Stanley's bread and butter, especially with her.  All he did was give her a hug and sit next to her at lunch like he was her bodyguard.  He glared (glowered really, there's a fancy word for you) at the boys the whole time too.  Tonight, when we said goodbye, he told me he was glad that he'd left Bonnie at the farm to run the stand.  And I think there are 2 more teenage boys that are definitely on his no-fly list.  Soon, there won't be a boy left in the county that Stanley will even consider considering good enough for his baby sister.

Heather also said that she called Joe and told him about the vice principal appointment, and that she's calling Mikey later tonight. So, it sounds like this will be a safe topic of conversation tomorrow after all.  I didn't have time to warn anyone but Eric tonight after we got home, and I've already unwarned him. 

So, I'm going to meet Mom at church in the morning, then we're going to McBee's for lunch and to pick up Heather's cake, and then we'll go get everything ready for her birthday dinner.  (Heather has told me multiple times that this isn't a party.)  We'll do our best.  Though really, she just wants a Skype call with you.  So, you do your best, too, OK?

Love,

April

From: Mike Lisinski  

Sent: Sat Jun 03 23:41 (UTC-4)

To: Agent JJ Green (DEA)

Subject: RE: Congratulations Man

Attachments: 

Jake,

You are not allowed to talk or brag about the sex you have with my sister, or predict when your next opportunity to have sex with my sister will occur.  Got it?  These are the amended terms under which we can still be friends.

And I know where babies come from.  But be careful or I'm going to teach yours that they came out of the cabbage patch or were dropped off by the stork.  (Do they have storks in KS?)  Aunt Heidi gave me a picture book about "where babies come from" when I was a kid, and it used the analogy of a chicken egg and a tadpole, and I'll just admit it, I cried.  It was such a weird thought to put in a kid's head.  

Only time I ever saw my mom really mad at one of her sisters.  She smacked her with the book, it was crazy.  So, what I'm saying is, what you tell little kids makes an impression.  Don't force my hand.

Just got off the phone with Heth.  Very cool that she gets to be vice principal.  Very uncool that they're not going to pay her for it.  I hope you have something really nice planned for her birthday.  She sounded less down than the last time we talked and she didn't tell me to go to bed which was good. (But also, what did she do with my sister?)  She's really looking forward to your Skype call.  Any way you could do 2 of them?  

Mike

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To be continued in Different Circumstances Interludes: Long Distance Relationship, Part 4.

I really am continuing to write this story (both the main storyline and these Interludes), and I have a pretty good outline to get me through the rest of season one and beyond.  But again, I don't know how fast that will be or if there is still any interest in this story.  If there is, and you want me to know that, the best way to do so (unless you are a registered user of this site and want to leave a review) is to email me directly at: marzeedoats @ gmail dot com (please format as an email address – I am trying to avoid getting additional junk mail).  I promise I will only use this information as encouragement to write, and potentially to send you pdf copies of later chapters, if and when the site closes (would be late May 2023 at the earliest).  Contacting me directly is the best way to let me know if there is still interest in this story, and you want to know (eventually) how it ends. 

All of Heather's research into popular names was conducted on the Social Security Administration's website.  They have name information going back decades based on applications for new Social Security cards/numbers (for babies).  

The Roman Emperors Tiberius, Caligula, and Nero were all from the Julio-Claudian dynasty that ruled the Roman Empire from 27 BCE to 68 CE.  Tiberius was the 2nd emperor to rule, having succeeded his stepfather, former father-in-law, and adoptive father, Emperor Augustus.  Caligula succeeded Tiberius, who was rumored to have been murdered by being smothered in his bed at Caligula's behest (though probably he just died of natural causes).  Caligula was the grandnephew and adopted son of Tiberius and the great-grandson of Augustus.  Caligula ruled for less than 4 years and was assassinated at age 28.  He was considered insane and was described as self-absorbed, short-tempered, a man who killed on a whim, and indulged in too much spending and sex.  He was murdered in a conspiracy involving the Praetorian Guard and members of the Roman Senate.  Caligula was succeeded by his uncle Claudius, who ruled for 13 and a half years, before probably being poisoned by his wife in favor of her son, Nero.  Nero was Claudius' grandnephew, stepson, son-in-law, and adopted son.  Nero was also related to Caligula in multiple ways, but nephew is one way to explain their relationship. Nero ruled for 13 and a half years as well.  After being declared a public enemy by the Roman Senate, he committed suicide at age 30.  He has been described as tyrannical, self-indulgent and debauched.  Although his mother most likely poisoned her husband to pave the way for Nero to become Emperor, he re-paid this favor by having her (and other relatives) murdered.  The popular legend that Nero fiddled while Rome burned is likely a piece of propaganda invented by the next Emperor, but there were also rumors that Nero started the fire because he was staging a play about the burning of Troy (with an actual fire), and was singing about the sacking of Illium (Troy) while Rome burned.  Who knows?  But clearly Johnston is correct when he tells Jake that reading about the Roman Emperors puts any Green family issues into perspective.  And these are definitely interesting (possibly unfortunate) names for horses.

The stallion Agamemnon is named for the figure from Greek mythology, a king who led the Greeks into battle against Troy as described by Homer in The Iliad.  He was considered a good commander-in-chief and was ultimately killed by his wife (or her lover), so he definitely meets a tragic end.  The stallion Odysseus is named for another figure from Greek mythology, the heroic king of Ithaca.  The Homeric poem The Odyssey is about his 10-year journey home from the Trojan War.

The horses named for Shakespearean characters are Romeo (from Romeo and Juliet), Titania (from A Midsummer Night's Dream), and Iago (from Othello). A tragedy, a comedy, a tragedy.  These horses have all shuffled off this mortal coil (from Hamlet, the 'To be or not to be' soliloquy).  Horses live 25 to 30 years on average.

The stallion Jupiter is named after the planet, which is named after the Roman god Jupiter, the king of the gods.  The stallion Ganymede is named for one of the four largest moons circling Jupiter.  In Greek mythology, Ganymede is abducted from Troy to serve as Zeus's cup-bearer in Olympus.  He is described as the most beautiful of mortals.  The mare Callisto is named for another of the four main moons of Jupiter.   In Greek mythology, Callisto is a nymph and a follower of the goddess Artemis.  She attracted the attentions of Zeus, and therefore the fury of Zeus's wife, Hera.  I am sure that Heather knows the mythology, but when she chose these names for the horses born on the Green ranch, she was concentrating on astronomy, not mythology.

The mares named Thalia and Clio are both named after the Olympian Muses from Greek mythology.  The mare Aphrodite is named for the Greek goddess associated with love, lust, beauty, pleasure, passion and procreation.  The mare Aurora is named for the Roman goddess of the dawn.  These horses all pre-date Heather's association with the Green Ranch and were named by Gramps.

Generally, horses, particularly male horses or colts, are physically capable of reproduction as early as 18 months, but are rarely allowed to breed before the age of three, especially females.  Horses four years old or older are considered mature (adult), but the skeleton will often continue to develop through the age of six.  So, Jupiter, Ganymede and Callisto are all of breeding age at this point in the story as they were born and named by Heather during the spring (of 2002) before Jake and Heather married, and at this point in the story, Jake and Heather are approaching their fourth wedding anniversary.

The male parent of a horse is called the 'sire'.  The female parent of a horse is called a 'dam'.  A pregnant horse is said to be 'in foal'.  A horse that gives birth has 'foaled'.  Once a baby horse or 'foal' is born, the 'foal is on the ground' (perhaps because foals walk within minutes of birth).

There are two ways to breed or 'cover' a mare.  When the mare is brought to the stallion's residence and is covered 'live' in the breeding shed that is called 'live cover'.  Live cover allows for a more controlled environment, allowing the breeder to ensure the mare was covered and places the handlers in a position to remove the horses from one another should one attempt to kick or bite the other.  A mare may also be turned out in a pasture with the stallion for several days to breed naturally ('pasture bred') but that is a less controlled scenario.  Horses may also be bred by artificial insemination (AI).  In the United States, thoroughbreds are required to be bred by live cover, but other horses (standardbred) may be bred via artificial insemination as long as the sire is still alive or insemination occurs within the calendar year of his death.  Artificial insemination has some advantages – the horses never come in contact and therefore there is no risk that they injure one another.  EJ Green (at least my version) was pretty old-school, and wasn't ever willing to try AI, so the practice was never adopted on the Green Ranch.  

Heather's description of the equine assisted breeding process is hopefully reasonably accurate.  I've tried to keep it high-level, and to point out the parts that I think an amateur like Heather would note.  Also, the Green Ranch is a horse ranch, but it's not a thoroughbred stud farm, so they would not have the same level of technology as the places that charge $100,000 stud fees.  

Female horses go through an estrous cycle rather than a menstrual cycle.  Estrus is the phase of the estrous cycle in which they are sexually receptive ("in heat") to male horses.  There is also an anestrus phase when the cycle rests, and horses cannot be bred.  Hence, the equine breeding season.

The flehmen response is a behavior in which a horse curls back its upper lip exposing its front teeth, inhales with the nostrils usually closed, and then often holds this position for several seconds.  This behavior facilitates the transfer of pheromones into the vomeronasal organ located above the roof of the mouth via a duct which exits just behind the front teeth of the horse.  Male horses commonly use the flehmen response as a mechanism for identifying the reproductive state of female horses based on pheromones in the female's urine and genitals.  

The Madeline Series is a set of 7 children's picture books by the author Ludwig Bemelmans about a little girl in who lives at a school in Paris. Each story begins with the first line:  "In an old house in Paris, that was covered with vines, lived twelve little girls in two straight lines... the smallest one was Madeline."  The first 5 books were all originally published between 1939 and 1961.  Two additional books were written/added to the series after the author's death in 1962, one which had originally been published only in a magazine, and one that was discovered and published posthumously.

Captain Jack Sparrow is a fictional character and the main protagonist of the Pirates of the Caribbean film series. The character was created by screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio and is portrayed by Johnny Depp. The characterization of Sparrow is based on a combination of The Rolling Stones' guitarist Keith Richards and Looney Tunes cartoon character Pepé Le Pew. He first appears in the 2003 film Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. (Which is the only one that Heather and Jake would have seen by the point in time which this story occurs.)

Scarecrow and Mrs. King was an American television series that aired from October 1983 through May 1987 on CBS.  It was produced and distributed by Warner Brothers Television.  The show starred Kate Jackson as divorced housewife Amanda King and Bruce Boxleitner as "Agency" operative Lee Stetson.  The two begin an unusual partnership after encountering one another in a train station.  Eventually they become romantically involved, and finally secretly married.

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