Reviews For Once Removed
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Reviewer: Skyrose Signed [Report This]
Date: 25 Oct 2008 12:04:48 AM Title: Part Two: Mary Bailey's Lonely Hearts Club

I am totally hooked on this story. The detail you provide really makes the story come alive in my mind. The Jericho without Jake that you have created is very believable. I think this is because that you have kept the characters very true to character. A couple of things that stood out for me were:

  • April dying defending her patients from Ravenwood.
  • The detail in the description that Jericho that Jake saw as he looked up and down the street and how the reference to New Bern gave me a good visual in my mind of how it looked.
  • The description of Baileys and how run down it has become only because I think in the show the bar was a source of pride for Mary. I think it demonstrates just how ambivalent she has become about what's going on. It also left me wondering what was going on with Eric and Mary's relationship.
  • How Jake is depending on Freddie to help him make sense of this new Jericho
  • The humor that Freddie adds to the story
  • Mimi at the bar drowning her sorrows, probably regretting being in town and not at the Richmond Farm
  • The story of Gray's 'rise to power' and how his actions seem to be a little inspired by Constantino (the except being that I think Gray has a conscious) 

I couldn't help but feel a little worried about Gail and Eric. Although, I admire how they want to pay tribute to April by being at the med center all the time, I get they are doing it at great sacrifice to their personal lives.

 A great chapter and just like the last one leaves me wanting more.



Author's Response:

Thanks!

I really wanted to leave the characters true to themselves because they are still essentially themselves, just facing different circumstances. Jake's absence has a ripple effect on everyone, but they are still the same people reacting to this new world.

You're very right about Bailey's, it's kind of an outer representation of Mary's inner feelings, and as she's let go of a lot of self-worth here, she's let the bar go too.

Mimi's regretting being in town, but she's regretting being anywhere at this point. She's had to deal with losing everything from her former life, but she never really found anything to ground her in this world, so she's lost and drifting by the time we meet her.

I agree that Gray has a conscience. He started out with good intentions, to protect the town, but things have gotten quite out of hand.

Thanks for taking time to read and comment!

Reviewer: SandraDee Signed [Report This]
Date: 18 Oct 2008 3:50:59 PM Title: Part Two: Mary Bailey's Lonely Hearts Club

I think this is about the third or fourth time I've read this chapter, and each time I read it, I notice nuances I'd not noticed previously.  What a layered story you've created, Penny! 

From early on in the chapter with the A.S.A. soldiers questioning Jake to the end of the chapter when Jake leaves to go to the clinic, I was riveted.  I still don't even know where to start with my comments, so if I jump around a bit, please forgive me.

Wow.  So I suspect we all thought some terrible things happened in Jericho before, but with the removal of Jake, it's amazing how things have changed.  The attention to detail you've shown in your story truly makes it stand out.  You're bringing up things that I'd even forgotten, such as the fire at the library.  In retrospect, I remember the characters talking about how they needed to contain it to keep it from spreading to Main Street. 

The fire, Johnston's death by the flu, April's death at the hands of Ravenwood, the plundering Jericho took from Ravenwood and other groups, the list goes on for the shocks that Jake has coming to him in wave after wave from Mary. 

One of the things that really impressed me about this, Penny, was how you also kept the characters true to themselves, not just what they say but also their mannerisms.  I could so easily envision Mary having this conversation with Jake and Mimi turning into a lush without having Stanley in her life. 

You weave such an entrancing tale, yet you also leave me wanting to know more. Why is it that Emily won't be coming around? Why does Mary feel guilty where April is concerned?  Did she somehow tip off the Ravenwood guys that the med center was there they would find supplies?  Where is Heather in all this?  What has become of Robert Hawkins? 

On a few side notes, I thought it was just like April to go down fighting for her patients.  We saw on more than one occasion April go above and beyond the call of duty for them.  I was also quite delighted that Jake's first instinct was to find his family and not to find Emily.  Then there's Gray Anderson.  I guess now we see what would have happened without Johnston there to guide and temper Gray's knee jerk reactions.

I am so eager to find out what happens as Jake continues with this journey of discovery with Freddie.  Keep up the good work, Penny!

 



Author's Response:

Thank you Sandra!

Your comments really made my day. Your questions made me think and I'm glad you're enjoying the details!

Thanks for taking time to read and review!

Reviewer: Marzee Doats Signed [Report This]
Date: 17 Oct 2008 9:23:55 PM Title: Part Two: Mary Bailey's Lonely Hearts Club

Penny,

This is just getting more and more interesting.  :-)

I'm really enjoying Ghost Freddie's helpful nudges, and the changes you've made to Jericho's recent history are intriguing and believable.  I appreciate each difference, from the kid from the who who couldn't hold Stacy's shoulders down but is now bold enough to try a little extortion, to Gray's little army, to the destruction on Main Street.  Each detail makes perfect sense, such as the fact that the library fire spread disastrously without Jake present to fix the pump station, to Mimi as a wrecked lush who made the choice she likely now regrets to shelter in town (and separate herself from Stanley).

I can't wait to find out if Heather's alive and in Jericho, and what her reaction to Jake is - as well as his reaction to her.  Also, what has driven Emily from town, and why won't she be back anytime soon?  So many tantalizing questions! 

I especially appreciate the alteration you made to April's death.  As an April champion, if she had to die, then I'm glad it was in defense of her patients, although - like Jake - I'm sad that she died so violently rather than slipping away surrounded by the family who would miss her.  Lastly, I'm intrigued by Mary's guilt over April's death, and her relief that Eric isn't around much.  I wonder where this is all going, and how it will turn out.

Thank you for sharing!



Author's Response:

Thanks Marzee!

I'm glad you're enjoying the details of this alternate universe. Jake will be finding out more answers to some of your questions soon.

I'm especially glad that you approved of my alteration to April's story here- that means a lot coming from an April champion!

Thanks for taking time to read and comment!

Reviewer: SandraDee Signed [Report This]
Date: 17 Oct 2008 6:16:01 PM Title: Part Two: Mary Bailey's Lonely Hearts Club

Penny,  I absolutely am loving this story.  It makes me feel on edge with each new discovery that Jake makes as Freddie guides him on this new road.  I have so much more I want to say--and will be saying as soon as I organize my thoughts.  So for now, I want to thank you for sharing the story with us and add that I'll be back later to expound on this part.

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