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Reviewer: Shadowflame Signed [Report This]
Date: 07 Aug 2013 6:18:18 PM Title: Part 13D

Yeah... I saw it like you described it... The story with the girl would have been Jake's last confession before he finally gave into the cold and his injuries... *shudders*

That special scene between Jake and his father... makes me cry... *sniffs*

 

And the scene in the past was so sunny and full of love and laughter, so... full of ease... the contrast to the future could hardly be starker... *shudders*

Well done!

Reviewer: Skyrose Signed [Report This]
Date: 13 Jun 2009 9:11:33 PM Title: Part 13D

I like how you opened this part at the med center with April, Heather and the boys getting ready to go home and get some dinner just like it was any other day completely unsuspecting what was going on on the side of the road with Jake, Stanley and Mimi. I know I keep saying it but all the details you provide make your scenes come alive in my mind. I could see the worry in Heather's face when she found out it was snowing, I could picture just how April would have mouth 'Jake' to Mikey and how she tried and reassure Heather that Jake was okay.

Heather's reaction was just what I expected when she saw Stanley and Mimi without Jake. I really liked how Stanley and Mimi tried to tell Heather about Jake without making Heather panic. You did a good job of portraying Heather's transition from worried to panic as Stanley and Mimi revealed what happened to them on the road. I was glad that Heather had her family to lean on when she heard the news. I really felt for Drake when I sensed his hesitancy to go with Gail it made me realize all over again the awful things that Jeff, Mike and Drake must have seen as they made their way to Jericho. I like how protective Stanley is of Heather, refusing to tell her Jake's message to her, knowing what it would do to her.

I really liked how you depict the scene when Eric and April come into the house. I like the how busy the scene is and really got a sense of family with everything going on and how everyone was interacting. I just loved April's reaction to the news. I've said this before, but want to say again that I really like how the friendship between Heather and April has developed in DC. I thought it was amusing how April called Jake on not telling her his plan to propose when Jake himself had no plans until that morning to ask Heather to marry him. I did like the discussion about when the wedding is going to take place and was glad to see Heather backtrack when she realized that she should have talked to Jake about their wedding date before mentioning what she thought it should be. As usual I like how you portray the early years of April and Eric's marriage. You can really tell how much they loved each other. It just makes the later break-up of their marriage more poignant. I was glad to see that Jake's tradition of writing messages on Heather's leg is alive and well! I enjoyed the tour of the April and Eric's house and the private moment it afforded Jake and Heather. I can't wait to find out where they'll be going on their honeymoon!

The scene with Johnston and Jake by the truck was really touching.  I felt so many more things when I read your version than I did when I saw it in on TV. This was one of my favorite scenes in the show and you made it so much better for me. I really felt the desperation that Johnston felt and when I finished reading the scene there was no doubt in my mind just how much Johnston loves his son.


Quote:
"Heather," he exhaled shakily, closing his eyes.  Taking a deep breath, Stanley let go of Mimi's arm, his attention focused on his friend's wife.  "He's - he's gonna be okay," Stanley insisted, taking an unsteady step toward Heather, his leg almost buckling beneath him.  "Okay?" he asked, gritting his teeth against the throbbing of his ankle.  "It's just that there was an - an accident."
I think Stanley was trying to convince himself as much as Heather that Jake was going to be okay.

Quote: 
"There was an accident," Mimi repeated, answering for Stanley.  Moving next to him, she wrapped one arm around his waist, drawing his arm around her shoulders with her free hand.
 
I like how I sensed Mimi's protectiveness toward Stanley here.

Quote:
April rolled her eyes.  "Screw it. I can handle Gray Anderson, trust me.  Besides, it's always easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission."  She let out a deep breath, deciding, "We'll just run the generator an hour less each day for the rest of the week." 
That whole 'Memorandum of Understanding' and his insistence that April sign it sounded so typical Gray to me.  Another attempt to try and let everyone know he's in charge.  I like this side of April, her confidence being able to handle Gray.

Quote:
"Jake," he began, practically shouting to be heard over the harsh moan of the wind, "Jake, you'll be home real soon," Johnston promised.  His breath clouded in the cold, dissipating before it had even the chance of warming Jake's frozen face.  Johnston moved closer, leaning over his son, willing him to inhale and then exhale.  He recalled, for probably the first time in three decades, how he'd done the same when his boys were infants.  He remembered how on more than one occasion, he'd awoken in the middle of the night, frightened by a dream, and how he would get out of bed and, careful not to disturb Gail, would creep across the room to their crib.  He'd strained to hear them breathing, and had held his fingers near their mouths until he could feel their soft exhalations against his skin.  He'd checked them for fever, had tucked their blankets close
r, and only then, finally reassured that they were safe, had his pounding heart begun to slow some.
The added detail to what we saw on the show really made a difference here.  I could tell from the show how concerned Johnston was for Jake and could sense his love for him but knowing what Johnston was thinking just drove it all home for me.

Reviewer: Penny Lane Signed [Report This]
Date: 24 May 2009 5:28:28 PM Title: Part 13D

Great job as usual, Marzee!

I liked the set up of the chapter, our unsuspecting characters at the med centre trying to keep upbeat as they anticipate a trek home and what little food might be there, while we know what they're about to find out concerning the hunting party. I'm glad Heather has so many people around her to help out in a situation like this. I was especially touched at Stanley's concern that she not know Jake's final words to him, and how he tries to protect his friends here. (And glad Mimi's looking out for him too!)

I enjoyed the appearance of Mikey, Jeff, and Drake here, as usual. They always add something to the scenes in which they appear. I really liked Drake running out to the scene of the accident, perhaps slightly reluctantly. Well, maybe not reluctantly, but it`s a stressful scene and it`s got to be a little hard for him, after all he`s been through, when these things come up I guess. I`m just saying, I`m glad he's doing it, helping out.

I enjoyed April's reaction to the news of the wedding. You continue to develop the friendship between her and Heather, to what we see it evolved to in the post-bombs scenes. Heather and Jake's early wedding plans are fun, and I'm sure we'll hear a lot more in the chapters to come. I laughed about Niagara Falls - it's the wedding capital where I'm from for sure.

Lastly, I have to congratulate you on how you captured the scene between Jake and Johnston, alone on the road discussing Jake`s darkest secret. This was one of my favourite scenes in the series, certainly between these two characters, and like many other scenes from this episode, you wrote it so well, I could feel the cold and desperation in the moment, but also, Johnston`s best efforts to comfort his son, in a way he wasn`t used to doing. Nice work!

I look forward to reading the next part!

Reviewer: SandraDee Signed [Report This]
Date: 12 May 2009 5:38:26 PM Title: Part 13D

Ah, I'm back. 

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I once again must comment on how masterfully you incorporate little details into your story that make the characters and their actions seem so real.  It was so easy for me to see the opening scene of this part play out in my mind, everything from April mouthing 'Jake' to Michael, the Cowboy Jake reference, to Mimi and Stanley's attempt to tell what happened without absolutely panicking Heather.  Later, the scene between Johnston and Jake was extremely touching.  I remember it being one of my favorite on the show, largely due to the emotion in Gerald McRaney's eyes and the way Skeet Ulrich's voice broke in the retelling.  Yet in reading your take on it, I felt like I got so much more in terms of nuances, as well as the urgency of their situation.  Heck, I almost felt cold reading your descriptions of the weather, and it's 80 degrees here!

The scene from five years earlier as word spreads to April and Eric about Jake and Heather's engagement provided a light hearted contrast to the present day scenes.  I still find myself sad for Eric and April, seeing how happy they were then and comparing that to the state of their marriage in the present. I'm definitely looking forward to Jake meeting the Lisinskis. 

Thanks for sharing your story with us.  I continue to enjoy it immensely.

Reviewer: SandraDee Signed [Report This]
Date: 10 May 2009 10:43:50 PM Title: Part 13D

Hi Marzee,

Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this latest installment of DC.  I have some specifics on which I want to comment, but I'm just running on empty right now.  I'll come back when I can string together some coherent thoughts.

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